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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents evening MUST be face to face

226 replies

Twinkle786 · 10/02/2025 23:31

Hello everyone, i have 2 children in mainstream school years 3&4. School has gave out parents evening dates and i replied to both teachers requesting a telephone appointment because i am unable to attend a face to face appointment. My son’s teacher gave me a date and time for a phone call no problem. However my daughter’s teacher said quite abruptly - “no it has to face to face” I said “oh my sons teacher said its fine and will do it over the phone” and she said again very sternly “well Im doing as I'm told all appointments are face to face this year so no phone call” So i replied “well the appointment you have given me i will have to cancel then as i wont be able to attend” and she said “right well il be in touch to see when you can rearrange” End of conversation i left with my children.
I have 2 other children at home, one is a non verbal autistic 3 year old who has suspected adhd too (sleeps on average 5 hours in a 24hr period) Exhausting!! and a 11 year old who cannot and will not leave the house due to his disability. During school run pickup i have a friend that comes over to sit with them whilst i collect my other children as soon as im back she has to leave as she has work commitments, so already it is extremely rushed for me to get home asap.
I have explained this to my daughters teacher in a email which i replied to straight away when she emailed me with a different date and time again to see if i was available. I also stated that during school hours i would be able to attend as i can make arrangements during these hours for childcare. I have had no response. In the past i have attended all parents evenings as i was able to rely upon my mother and father to look after my children whilst i attended the appointments, but now both have sadly passed away so i dont have anybody else who can watch them after school hours. I don't understand why she is refusing to do a telephone appointment, this is really stressing me out and i don't want to be the talk of the staff room.
100% i know what my daughters teacher is going to say during parents evening as they say it every year- good as gold, model pupil always listens works hard never in trouble etc etc so its not as if there is any concerns with my daughter i have no doubt about that.. How am i meant to approach this little situation now any advice please.

OP posts:
purplebrat · 10/02/2025 23:33

i don't want to be the talk of the staff room.

Why would you be?

Original poster
Twinkle786 · 10/02/2025 23:34

purplebrat · 10/02/2025 23:33

i don't want to be the talk of the staff room.

Why would you be?

Being the parent that is refusing to attend parents evening- the assumption im not bothered about my child's learning or progress etc

OP posts:
Dramatic · 10/02/2025 23:35

Yanbu at all. There's no valid reason why she couldn't do a phonecall, especially considering your son's teacher is doing it. I think at this point you should go to the head and speak to them about it.

RafaistheKingofClay · 10/02/2025 23:36

They honestly won’t care that much. You definitely won’t be talk of the staff room.

HeddaGarbled · 10/02/2025 23:38

I’d just ignore it all. If they’ve got anything important they want to tell you, they’ll find a way and presumably you’ll get a written report at year end.

fashionqueen0123 · 10/02/2025 23:41

If you’re not bothered about talking to them then don’t worry about it. No one will talk about that! Don’t worry.

if you want to talk to them then that’s different and I dont see why they can’t phone you.

Worriedmotheroftwo · 10/02/2025 23:42

It's ironic - at my school, teachers are desperate to do online parents' evenings but parents are demanding face to face!

OP, I would be with the teacher in ordinary circumstances (it's awful teaching so many kids then having parents asking for phone calls and emails instead... I don't want to be at parents' evening anyway and it's more than a 12 hour working day all together, and so if a parent isn't going to be there, I don't feel I should be even more inconvenienced! And phone calls often end up being longer than a parents' evening slot, like 15 mins instead of 5). However, in your situation, I'd be supportive and would certainly give you the phone call. I presume the teacher knows your situation and how hard it is for you? If not, that might be why she's pushing back.

Worriedmotheroftwo · 10/02/2025 23:43

Twinkle786 · 10/02/2025 23:34

Being the parent that is refusing to attend parents evening- the assumption im not bothered about my child's learning or progress etc

Show quote history

Oh and nobody cares about this, honestly. Unless the teacher really needs to speak to the parent, teachers are just relived to have one fewer parent to get through.

noblegiraffe · 10/02/2025 23:43

She said "well Im doing as I'm told"?

So it sounds like there is some diktat in place? Email the headteacher and ask if this is correct?

MomBruh · 10/02/2025 23:46

They must surely know your family situation as a carer to other children with significant needs?

Honestly, if i had no concerns about my child Id let it go & miss this one. Let them talk.and maybe someone will remind her that your family situation is more complex than others & she'll use some discretion.

If I had concerns I'd ask her to speak to the head/head of the key stage or whatever to see if they couldn't exercise a bit of flexibility knowing your situation.

What I would not do is tie myself in knots to attend for 5 minutes of 'everything is fine'

Original poster
Twinkle786 · 10/02/2025 23:49

Thankyou for everyones replies, honestly its given me a little peace of mind and reassurance that im not being unreasonable. If she does decide to respond to my email (its been 3 days) il just have to take it from there. I dont see her after school as my daughter walks over to my sons classroom and i collect them both from his door. Im kinda hoping she doesn't and forgets altogether. Thanks again everyone :)

OP posts:
Catza · 11/02/2025 07:39

Honestly, I just wouldn't go. It seems like your daughter has no issues at school and it seems like a giant waste of everyone's time. As to being a talk of the staff room... you have bigger fish to fry. Let them talk if they have nothing better to do.

Mama2many73 · 11/02/2025 08:28

Firstly I've never spoken or heard other teacherstalk about parents in this way esp as you've 'tried' to get an appointment. We would very rarely have 100% parental attendance either face to face or phone call.

I agree with PP who says contact HT.
I'd politely say something along the lines of

" I understand that face to face would be preferred however this is not possible after school due to my other children's disabilities and lack of child care available.
I would be open to a telephone call,( as having with other child's teacher ) or I could attend an appointment during the school day.
I'd be grateful if you could help facilitate this if possible .

Don't worry about it though. If there's an issue the teacher should be contacting uou anyway and if you're happy with how they're doing, they seem happy, you're not going to get much out if it anyway!

Didimum · 11/02/2025 08:31

Challenge by enquiring with the teacher what the headteacher’s policy is for parents evening. If she dithers then kindly ask her to find out or find out yourself from the office.

UncharteredWaters · 11/02/2025 08:46

And I bet when they did phone calls they had parents demanding face to face to suit them too.

You’ve been offered an appt, you can’t make it, you have no concerns, so why not just say that and if the teacher has concerns can they let you know.

Christ some of the responses on here are the reason no teaching can get done! A policy for parents evening, a complaint for everything…

purplebrat · 11/02/2025 12:01

Being the parent that is refusing to attend parents evening- the assumption im not bothered about my child's learning or progress etc

Well she knows you can't attend in person so wouldn't assume you are not bothered. Plenty of parents don't attend parents evenings. If there are any issues or concerns they would be raised by school before a parent evening came around anyway.

cardibach · 11/02/2025 12:08

If you have no concerns there’s absolutely no reason to take up the teacher’s time (or your own, since you are so busy). You aren’t ‘refusing’ to attend, you can’t attend.
Honestly, as a teacher those appointments where I asked if the parent had any concerns (my opening gambit always, in case there’s something I’ve missed which is important to them) and they said no and I didn’t have any either so I had to waffle about what we had done that term for 5 mins when we both had better stuff to be getting on with were soul destroying. Don’t worry about it. Email again/pop over at collection and say not to worry as long as the teacher has no concerns.

mitogoshigg · 11/02/2025 12:22

Yanbu but during parents evening they can't be making phone calls on demand. If you can't make it ask for a phone call at another convenient time (convenient to the teacher so likely straight after school) or whether you could see the teacher at pick up time when you have child care

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/02/2025 21:27

Schools have to make reasonable adjustments and be inclusive- I would contact the sendco and tell on this teacher

Hankunamatata · 11/02/2025 21:30

All my kids schools have moved to school cloud. Parents are up in arms about the lack of face to face. Tbh I prefer it to hours sitting waiting for sally's parents to discuss her for an hour over their allocated time

discdiscsnap · 11/02/2025 21:39

I'd just email requesting a written overview of how your dd is doing if a phone call is impossible. I would bc in the head too.

cardibach · 11/02/2025 21:44

discdiscsnap · 11/02/2025 21:39

I'd just email requesting a written overview of how your dd is doing if a phone call is impossible. I would bc in the head too.

That’s called the report. You can’t ask teachers to write an extra report, especially when there are no issues. A phone call is unnecessary, but also unreasonable. The teacher is available at Parents’ Evening, which is part of directed time. Asking for more when there are no issues is daft.

DorothyStorm · 11/02/2025 21:47

cardibach · 11/02/2025 21:44

That’s called the report. You can’t ask teachers to write an extra report, especially when there are no issues. A phone call is unnecessary, but also unreasonable. The teacher is available at Parents’ Evening, which is part of directed time. Asking for more when there are no issues is daft.

Show quote history

This. If you cannot make parents evening, you miss it. It is that simple. You will get a written report in summer.

discdiscsnap · 11/02/2025 21:48

@cardibach I'm not suggesting teacher writes a report. A paragraph overview of how dc is doing. It would take less time than the appointment

noblegiraffe · 11/02/2025 21:49

Probably wouldn't, tbf.