Parents evening MUST be face to face

[Twinkle786]

Hello everyone, i have 2 children in mainstream school years 3&4. School has gave out parents evening dates and i replied to both teachers requesting a telephone appointment because i am unable to attend a face to face appointment. My son’s teacher gave me a date and time for a phone call no problem. However my daughter’s teacher said quite abruptly - “no it has to face to face” I said “oh my sons teacher said its fine and will do it over the phone” and she said again very sternly “well Im doing as I'm told all appointments are face to face this year so no phone call” So i replied “well the appointment you have given me i will have to cancel then as i wont be able to attend” and she said “right well il be in touch to see when you can rearrange” End of conversation i left with my children.
I have 2 other children at home, one is a non verbal autistic 3 year old who has suspected adhd too (sleeps on average 5 hours in a 24hr period) Exhausting!! and a 11 year old who cannot and will not leave the house due to his disability. During school run pickup i have a friend that comes over to sit with them whilst i collect my other children as soon as im back she has to leave as she has work commitments, so already it is extremely rushed for me to get home asap.
I have explained this to my daughters teacher in a email which i replied to straight away when she emailed me with a different date and time again to see if i was available. I also stated that during school hours i would be able to attend as i can make arrangements during these hours for childcare. I have had no response. In the past i have attended all parents evenings as i was able to rely upon my mother and father to look after my children whilst i attended the appointments, but now both have sadly passed away so i dont have anybody else who can watch them after school hours. I don't understand why she is refusing to do a telephone appointment, this is really stressing me out and i don't want to be the talk of the staff room.
100% i know what my daughters teacher is going to say during parents evening as they say it every year- good as gold, model pupil always listens works hard never in trouble etc etc so its not as if there is any concerns with my daughter i have no doubt about that.. How am i meant to approach this little situation now any advice please.

I can tell you known it isnt down to the head’s policy, it is down to the directed time budget. And there will be no allocated time for phone calls for parents who have other children at home and no childcare for one parents evening a year..

That is a written report.

Email the head teacher your original email effectively dobbing her in. hopefully she will over ride her and get you the telephone appointment

Then how come the other teacher is doing it?

@DorothyStorm I assume the poster I answered means a report as in an end of year report. At our school it's several pages long.

You have a very genuine reason for not being able to attend. And I am sure you would like feedback about your daughter and would attend if it were possible for you.
I do not think it is unreasonable for the teacher to make a quick phone call or provide a short email during the time she had allocated to you. It should not take longer than this. However it is obviously the schools perogative but in my opinion they just being awkward if they refuse.

That’s a report. When would you like them to do it? Parents’ Evening is when it is. If you can’t make it, and there are no issues as OP says, just accept you’ll miss it. If there’s an issue, make an appointment at a mutually convenient time to discuss that with the most relevant member of staff.

Why does she need it? There are no problems. She wants it because she thinks the teacher will judge her otherwise. She won’t.

What time? Parents’ Evening will take as long as it takes whether OP goes or not.

And to say anything meaningful it needs to be. A quick paragraph manages to both meaningless and a point of stress for the teacher. No wonder there’s a crisis in retention.

It isn't usual school policy to unexpectedly spring problems on the parent at Parents Evening, so it's unlikely there's anything urgent to discuss if the teacher hasn't raised it with you already. You've tried to rearrange a mutually convenient alternative to the appointment you cannot manage, so the teacher is not going to assume you just don't care.

My mate was a primary teacher and he was astonished at how many parents, over the years, he never saw at all. They didn't turn up for parents evenings, they didn't show for sports day or Christmas shows, they didn't attend any school fundraiser fairs or anything. He couldn't understand how any parent could be so disengaged with their kids that they never bothered to come to the school the kids went to, or see the teacher that was teaching their child that year. You're clearly not one of those, so nobody will be talking about you for sure.

The teacher would have a 10/15 minute slot allocated for the parent which could be used to make a phone call or write a quick email. It's not rocket science!

Probably more like 5 minutes which is certainly not time enough to leave the hall, fund a phone and have a phone call.

15 minutes 😂

It's 15 minutes in my kids school, primary.

If only 5 minutes is allocated that is enough time to send an email.
Or the call can be made before or after the meetings. It's not actually that difficult. People in all professions need to be flexible.

No 5 minutes. And that slot will most likely be taken by someone else. There are usually less slots that there are parents.

Also, what phone is the teacher using? The office, which may well be the other side of the building, will quite possibly be locked.

or the teacher might use that 5 minutes to have a pee given that she won’t have had a chance since lunchtime.

Before meetings she will be teaching and after the evening of unpaid work she will be going home.

I wouldn’t worry, my friend is not even making an appointment for our parents evening for her kids. Says she doesn’t need to because she knows what they will say and she knows how her kids are doing.

Why are there less slots than parents? That's ridiculous.
I do not know what phone the teacher will use? Perhaps she could ask the other teacher who is willing to make the phone call?

@purplebrat Teachers (the ones I've met so far at least) are pretty judgemental of parents, especially any who are in any slight way 'different' or needy. My relative is a teacher and by the sounds of it, the parents of her classes can’t do much as ask a question without it pissing her off

No she wouldn’t. That’s not how it works. Times stretch. Teachers usually do far more than the allocated£ time for Parents’ Evening.

Not in my 35 year experience of actual teachers in actual schools. One or two maybe. One or two of any group will be arse holes. Teachers, on the whole, want everyone to meet their potential however ‘different’ they may be.

Sorry if I’m being stupid and missing something, but is the childrens’ father on the scene at all?

Because not all parents will want to come. Because in secondary sone teachers may teach the whole of a year group of 200. Lots of reasons. Plus no parent will stick to 5 mins.

Most teachers I have encountered have been wonderful and would be flexible enough for a quick phone call or email if the parent has a genuine reason for being unable to attend on person.

The OPs children are in primary school.
Secondary school is a different situation and not really relevant here.