Parents evening MUST be face to face

[Twinkle786]

Hello everyone, i have 2 children in mainstream school years 3&4. School has gave out parents evening dates and i replied to both teachers requesting a telephone appointment because i am unable to attend a face to face appointment. My son’s teacher gave me a date and time for a phone call no problem. However my daughter’s teacher said quite abruptly - “no it has to face to face” I said “oh my sons teacher said its fine and will do it over the phone” and she said again very sternly “well Im doing as I'm told all appointments are face to face this year so no phone call” So i replied “well the appointment you have given me i will have to cancel then as i wont be able to attend” and she said “right well il be in touch to see when you can rearrange” End of conversation i left with my children.
I have 2 other children at home, one is a non verbal autistic 3 year old who has suspected adhd too (sleeps on average 5 hours in a 24hr period) Exhausting!! and a 11 year old who cannot and will not leave the house due to his disability. During school run pickup i have a friend that comes over to sit with them whilst i collect my other children as soon as im back she has to leave as she has work commitments, so already it is extremely rushed for me to get home asap.
I have explained this to my daughters teacher in a email which i replied to straight away when she emailed me with a different date and time again to see if i was available. I also stated that during school hours i would be able to attend as i can make arrangements during these hours for childcare. I have had no response. In the past i have attended all parents evenings as i was able to rely upon my mother and father to look after my children whilst i attended the appointments, but now both have sadly passed away so i dont have anybody else who can watch them after school hours. I don't understand why she is refusing to do a telephone appointment, this is really stressing me out and i don't want to be the talk of the staff room.
100% i know what my daughters teacher is going to say during parents evening as they say it every year- good as gold, model pupil always listens works hard never in trouble etc etc so its not as if there is any concerns with my daughter i have no doubt about that.. How am i meant to approach this little situation now any advice please.

People in every profession need to be flexible.

I can see both sides as I’m a teacher and a parent. There should be more flexibility as lots of parents cannot attend Parents’ Evening. However, as a teacher once you start opening up phone calls instead of your directed hours it’s a slippery slope! Before you know it we would be calling lots and lots of parents in our PPE, lunch time and after school as well as the Parents’ Evening. I can see why the teacher is therefore being pretty strict about this as she knows what will potentially happen. In my opinion they are a waste of time as we only ever see the children we have already written glowing reports about. It should be for parents and students with concerns.

If we had flexibility to give, yes, it shouldn’t be a problem. The reality is we do not have the luxury of flexibility. We get 3 hours a week to plan, prepare and mark. We have to do duties before, during and after school. I teach every year group so that is already 7 Parent Evenings per year. I teach nearly 300 students, when do you want me to ring those parents and how shall I offer flexibility?

This post relates to primary school. With all due respect nobody has ever said that teachers should be calling 300 parents.

Is the issue here with time allocations? If there is not enough time for all parents to attend a meeting what happens if all parents in the class want to make an appointment?

Every school I have ever worked in or had my four children allocated five minutes for parents evening.

Appointments always run over, meaning the teacher doesn't get chance to go to the toilet, grab a drink etc. Five minutes isn't enough to go and log into a computer, sit and write an email, and then get back to the parents there in person.

Before the meetings they will be preparing their notes, having something to eat/drink/use the toilet/tidy up/prepare for thr next day as they'll have been teaching all day and will be teaching the next day.

After the appointments, which as I said almost always run over, they'll want to go home to have dinner, see their own families, and get ready for the next day. Ir wasn't unheard of for parents evenings to still be going on until 7pm in schools I have taught in, then many of the teachers still had a long commute home.

While flexibility is important, you can't expect teachers, who are very often parents themselves, to keep putting themselves out more than they often do.

If you don't have concerns, don't sweat it. And you won't be talked about in the staffroom because staff, if they're lucky enough to get to the staffroom for a break, they have much more important things to talk about.

It’s the same principle though isn’t it. It’s never just one call or just one parent. It’s the precedent it then sets for teachers who are already juggling ridiculous workloads.

Not really. And for primary school it's one day a year.

I know it might be a slight inconvenience to a reacher to call or email instead of face to face meeting but all professions need to be flexible.

A lot of teachers are not portraying themselves well here I'm afraid. It's strange because all the teachers I have met through my kids school have been wonderful and more than willing to REASONABLY accommodate parents.

Lots of teachers have given you their perfectly acceptable reasons as to why this teacher has said no. You’re continuing to argue for the sake of it.

I have heard plenty of excuses and exaggerations but no perfectly acceptable reasons.

You don’t live in the UK though, so your teachers probably have better working conditions and there isn’t a massive shortage of people even willing to do the job.

Yes perhaps. It's very sad. It does seem like there is a bigger issue, what I find especially worrying is that there is not even enough time allocated for all parents to meet the teacher.

Just don’t go - they will send the report home and will let you j so if there are any issues

@AnxiousRose
The reasons are perfectly valid to the majority of us commenting. You are unwilling to accept them. You’ve openly said that you don’t live in the UK and you are clearly clueless about working conditions here for teachers at the moment! Maybe stop commenting on something you know nothing about!
I taught for 20 years, never did I witness a fully attended parents’ evening.
I soon learnt that teachers have to have firm boundaries in place to safeguard their own wellbeing, it’s never just one parent who wants something different. If the OP is allowed a phone call then at least another 2 or 3 will be demanding the same as soon as word gets around. They will all have their reasons and if you say yes to one then you can’t refuse the rest! Then the teacher who is already putting in a 60 hour week has to do an extra evening of her free time. You can guarantee the parents won’t all be available at similar times so the teacher will probably be stuck at school hanging around in between calls. Then it might spill over into a third night when one parent forgets or doesn’t answer. The phone calls are also likely to be longer than 5 minutes too. Average calls to parents can be 20 minutes to as long as an hour.

If you don't show at our school for parents' evening there's simply no offer of contact.
You know the rules of the game. Take it or leave it.

Teachers have more to be doing than talking about you I assure you 🤣

You're not refusing a meeting. You're asking for an accommodation so that you can meet in a way other than in person. And you're clearly meeting with the other teacher over the phone.

Push for what you need. The teacher is being ridiculous.

Spoken like someone who hasn't a clue what teachers face daily.

As a shift worker who cannot just take time off, I think you are worrying too much. Just send a email to the teacher saying you can not attend and are there any issues you need to be made aware of?

I hate online/phone parents evenings & much prefer face to face so don’t agree with calls being the norm. Given your circumstances though, I can’t see any reason why a phone call can’t be arranged instead.

Spoken like someone who hasn’t a clue that teaching is not the only profession with the same problems.

I think you have done everything you could. The teacher will be busy working during the school day and shouldn't have to give up any time over lunch or break. If you wanted to you could also explain to the headteacher to demonstrate that it isn't a case of not caring how dd is getting on but you have very specific circumstances that mean you are unable to attend face to face meetings at the end of the day. I would have cc'd the head into the original email tbh.

This!
There isn’t much flexibility in what is already a 60 hour week for most!
Would these posters expect their dentist, solicitor, doctor etc to see them at a time when they aren’t contracted to work? No of course not. It’s just another example of the way teachers are treated like shit and a huge cause of the current recruitment crisis.

I'm a teacher. I'd phone you. She's being ridiculous. I think as she is saying its school policy email the head and explain your circumstances and ask if they are happy for you to have a telephone appointment.

@MustardGlass
What a clueless unhelpful comment. Nobody is saying otherwise but this sort of shit isn’t expected in other professions without compensation for the extra time. I’m no longer a teacher and I can’t begin to describe how much less stressful my new role is. Of course I work extra hours at times but I get paid for this or get to take the time back. For example, I have two days off next week due to working over my hours for the past few weeks. This does not happen in teaching. It isn’t a competition I am sure nursing and social work for example are very stressful roles but once a nurse has finished they don’t have an extra 4/5 hours work to do at home. They aren’t expected to give up their weekends doing work they aren’t paid for either. If social workers go over their hours then they can take the time back etc. There is a recruitment crisis in teaching for a reason!