Page 36 | Struggling with son's girlfriends personality

Bluebrownies · 2025-02-10T23:28:59+00:00

Hi all, so my son is 23, in August he set off to go travelling, he met a girl on the trip and they are now dating. He came home last Monday, just for 3 weeks, then they are going to her parents for 3 weeks before setting off around Europe. We live in London so they are staying with us which is great as we missed him a lot, plus they are keeping themselves busy with museums/theatre etc. She lives abroad and a lot more rural so that will be a nice change of pace for them when they stop with her family. The issue is I'm really struggling with his girlfriend's personality, she is respectful but I find her quite "a lot". She is very confident, I thought it might be a front as she was nervous but I'm now thinking she is just naturally very self-assured. Obviously there is nothing wrong with confidence but I've also found her to be very judgemental, she has said multiple times that brits are all so fat (as someone with a higher BMI I feel like this is targeted) and she has said several times British girls are ugly, in front of my impressionable teen girls (13 and 16). She usually follows with "not you guys but generally". I also feel like she is just overly opinionated in general, be it the food I cook, what I'm drinking etc. she has something to say about everything. We also seem to be having a massive PDA issue, I know this is my son too but he has never been like this before, I feel like they are always touching in some way, she constantly plays with his hair or his hands, they kiss all the time, be it pecks or longer kisses it seems to be every 5 minutes, we went out to the pub for rugby on Saturday and despite their being plenty of seats she insisted on sitting on his lap, even feeding him food off her plate like he was a toddler. It all just makes me little uncomfortable, nothing against hand holding, odd kiss here and there but it's relentless, even when I'm trying to talk to them. There are other things I dislike but I know aren't really any of my business (her dress sense is very revealing for one). I'm finding it quite draining as obviously she is always with my son and I don't enjoy her presence so I almost avoid them both. I was so looking forward to having him home but now I'm looking forward to them going). My husband thinks it's just cultural and I will learn to love her but AIBU to feel like this because of these things?

ObviouslyBlooming · 13/02/2025 10:15

Saying people in the U.K. are fatter is a fact. Not a judgement.
Saying ‘people in the U.K. are fatter. That’s disgusting!’ Is a judgement.

There is no need to take everything personally and think that a casual remark, stating a fact (that the gf was also able to back up with factual numbers, not just from what she saw) is an attack on the OP.
If the OP is uncomfortable with her weight, that’s not the gf fault really.

ObviouslyBlooming · 13/02/2025 10:17

CleaningAngel · 13/02/2025 08:00

My reply would be 'wow it must be wonderful to be perfect you must teach me one day'

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The problem with that comment is that it very easily be used for the OP who thinks her ways of doing or saying things IS the only acceptable way.

WhatMummyMakesSheEats · 13/02/2025 10:23

has your son had girlfriends before? Did you like them?
you are going to have to find a way to like her or pretend as long as your son is with her, or you could end up cut off.

VillyFuff2022 · 13/02/2025 11:23

I’d have to sniff her Achilles heel out straight away. I’m irritated for you. I get the feeling she’s quite passive aggressive which is usually a sign of control/insecurity/jealousy. Wait until your son tells you about his time with her and her family. Deep breaths xx

LaundryPond · 13/02/2025 11:24

WhatMummyMakesSheEats · 13/02/2025 10:23

has your son had girlfriends before? Did you like them?
you are going to have to find a way to like her or pretend as long as your son is with her, or you could end up cut off.

The OP says somewhere that she hadn’t liked any of his previous girlfriends either!

Noononoo · 13/02/2025 11:44

The girl friend is a man’s woman that’s where she gets her power. And doesn’t respect women. Your son is passively accepting her power grab over you. And your husband is shoring them up. You are right to be angry. Take no prisoners check into a hotel till they leave. If they ask why you are leaving just say I’m sorry I can’t handle the disrespect. Boom boom

Madamum18 · 13/02/2025 12:32

Bluebrownies · 10/02/2025 23:39

I have said "oh that is a bit rude" and she apologises and adds the "not you guys just generally".

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"....and THAT is a pointless generalisation" with a genial smile on your face!

Trousername · 13/02/2025 12:47

BreezyScroller · 11/02/2025 00:11

We are fatter in the UK, it's a fact unfortunately.

Just look at this very forum, where posters are falling over themselves to boast that UK16 is the average size and anyone smaller is either lying or underweight.

It's just a casual comment.

I would tell my own son to behave and not sit his girlfriend on his lap however.

No it's not just a "casual comment". I wouldn't dream of going to someone else's country and making negative comments about the physical appearance of the people there. It's just plain rude.

gyalgyal · 13/02/2025 16:26

Bluebrownies · 10/02/2025 23:52

More so as my husband seems to want to defend her, "oh she's allowed to critique your pasta, she's Italian" "Oh you know southern europeans are just more expressive and comfortable with PDA" etc.
I feel like I'm the horrible one every time he defends her.

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:(

TheOnionEyes · 13/02/2025 18:30

ObviouslyBlooming · 13/02/2025 10:15

Saying people in the U.K. are fatter is a fact. Not a judgement.
Saying ‘people in the U.K. are fatter. That’s disgusting!’ Is a judgement.

There is no need to take everything personally and think that a casual remark, stating a fact (that the gf was also able to back up with factual numbers, not just from what she saw) is an attack on the OP.
If the OP is uncomfortable with her weight, that’s not the gf fault really.

I do think that casual remarks can be offensive and an attack on people, even if factual.

Her comment is uncalled for:-
"Brits are all so fat and British girls are ugly"

It's extremely unwise and completely disrespectful to aim these comments directly, or indirectly at people whom they actually concern. This was said in a negative tone with such disdain, and finishing the comment by saying "Not you guys, but generally", does not make it better. It backs up that she does mean to offend.

Most Brits seeing this will be offended because it is aimed at them, their families and their countrymen. It is displaying a superiority complex.

It just shows the type of person this young girl is 'currently'. Hopefully, she will grow out of that when people address her like the OP did. It's how we learn and become mature and wise in life and start thinking before we speak.

There's a time and a place for facts and judgements, and a time to keep quiet.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 13/02/2025 18:57

Namechanged4obviousreasons · 11/02/2025 00:21

Your DH is probably siding with her because she’s young and attractive. Men tend to be a bit stupid like that.

She sounds awful and hopefully your son goes off her and finds a nicer girlfriend.

I laugh because men are that tactile

Trixiefirecracker · 13/02/2025 19:07

JandamiHash · 11/02/2025 09:01

Again I don’t think you can be racist and intelligent. IMO racist people are universally stupid. Depends how you define intelligence I guess. “Loud and outspoken” /= intelligence

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@JandamiHash well, depends how you define it but for example, the allies tested the IQ of some of the most senior Nazis at the end of the war and they all scored extremely highly. Many at genius level.

Dideon · 13/02/2025 19:59

TheOnionEyes · 13/02/2025 18:30

I do think that casual remarks can be offensive and an attack on people, even if factual.

Her comment is uncalled for:-
"Brits are all so fat and British girls are ugly"

It's extremely unwise and completely disrespectful to aim these comments directly, or indirectly at people whom they actually concern. This was said in a negative tone with such disdain, and finishing the comment by saying "Not you guys, but generally", does not make it better. It backs up that she does mean to offend.

Most Brits seeing this will be offended because it is aimed at them, their families and their countrymen. It is displaying a superiority complex.

It just shows the type of person this young girl is 'currently'. Hopefully, she will grow out of that when people address her like the OP did. It's how we learn and become mature and wise in life and start thinking before we speak.

There's a time and a place for facts and judgements, and a time to keep quiet.

Edited

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The BMI figures may be factual, but ugly ? I don’t friggin think so !!!

TheOnionEyes · 13/02/2025 20:03

Dideon · 13/02/2025 19:59

The BMI figures may be factual, but ugly ? I don’t friggin think so !!!

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I don't appreciate any of the remarks as a Brit, whether factual or not. Just uncalled for!

Gardenbird123 · 13/02/2025 21:49

I would say 'Oh I don't think you can generalise, that would be like saying all foreigners are ......(rude? Demanding? Critical of the English....)...
Hopefully the romance won't last long 😅

TheOnionEyes · 13/02/2025 22:16

The GF better abstain from having children with the OP's son, incase she ends up with an ugly child.

What are the chances? I hope she's as good with genes and how they work, as much as she is with facts and figures concerning the Brits and everyone else.

How on earth will she cope with possible throwback genes from any fat/ugly British ancestor along the line? 🤔

Namechangey23 · 13/02/2025 22:19

Bluebrownies · 11/02/2025 01:54

I asked my husband to read some of the comments here and he feels like I have painted her badly. I don't think I have but he thinks I should clarify the "insults".

The critique on my food -

I used a jar of pasta sauce to make Bolognese, she commented that it wasn't very nice and full of preservatives and "not really bolognese".
I made Jacket potatoes and she commented 3 times "no vegetables"
I had weetabix for breakfast and she said "no fruit, you should have some fruit"

Critique on drinks -

Several times saying we all drink so much cola then listing how unhealthy it is
She has said several times how much she doesn't like British coffee - almost everytime I drink it

The fat comment was first when I asked her what her perception of brits was and she said fat, don't dress well etc.

Then several times she's commented on how many fat people she has seen out and how so many brits are fat.

I don't think this changes anything but my husband does so I will give the extra context.

She's right though.

Dolmio style Bolognese sauce is loaded with sugar (helloooo diabetes!) and other preservative crap so It can sit on a shelf for ever. It doesn't taste a patch on a slow cooked marinara style sauce. Because it's convenience food.
People often just have cheese and beans etc with a jacket potato, all beige bland stodge. Needs a salad, some steamed green veggies to be a healthy meal.
Weetabix - again it's just wheat so fibre, iron as fortified and milk so calcium...it's missing the other vitamins and minerals. Fruit would absolutely add these.

Many Brits don't get their 5 a day which actually is a minimum standard by the way. I'm one of them!

Cola is full of sugar because it's liquid it will quickly spike your blood sugar and you don't get any fibre with your calories so your body barely registers it (helloooo again diabetes!). Often diet cola is just as bad as it has sweetener which can also make you crave sugar and jurys still out as some such as aspartame are cancer causing chemicals. I say this and I love diet coke!!!! It's the caffeine which makes it so addictive. 2)A proper independent barista coffee houses that roasts it's own beans you might get close to what the have there. By Costa and Starbucks style coffee are just highly calorific brown frothy milk.

I've heard french people say the same about British women, bad skin, hair and nails through poor diet. Too much make up etc etc.

She hasn't gone about it in a nice way and it's not what British people do generally as it's quite blunt. But I don't disagree with her. It's not just here though, I'd say also America, Germany are similar. I think a lot has to do with our crap climate, lack of sunshine and depression rates reducing people's motivation to get outside. Plus sedentary jobs and being time poor. The rise of convenience foods and the high cost of eating healthy. The change in palate to favour sugary foods and the lack of time or energy for cooking from scratch. The lack of portion control and focus on quantity over quality.

All that said, I can see why you feel afronted Op!

Harry12345 · 13/02/2025 22:34

PandaTime · 11/02/2025 18:49

If the OP isn't keen on PDA then she is free to not indulge in PDA. But she doesn't get to control what other people do outside of her house.

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It’s disrespectful to do this and make people feel uncomfortable. I’d never have done this in front of my parents

TheOnionEyes · 13/02/2025 22:40

Namechangey23 · 13/02/2025 22:19

She's right though.

Dolmio style Bolognese sauce is loaded with sugar (helloooo diabetes!) and other preservative crap so It can sit on a shelf for ever. It doesn't taste a patch on a slow cooked marinara style sauce. Because it's convenience food.
People often just have cheese and beans etc with a jacket potato, all beige bland stodge. Needs a salad, some steamed green veggies to be a healthy meal.
Weetabix - again it's just wheat so fibre, iron as fortified and milk so calcium...it's missing the other vitamins and minerals. Fruit would absolutely add these.

Many Brits don't get their 5 a day which actually is a minimum standard by the way. I'm one of them!

Cola is full of sugar because it's liquid it will quickly spike your blood sugar and you don't get any fibre with your calories so your body barely registers it (helloooo again diabetes!). Often diet cola is just as bad as it has sweetener which can also make you crave sugar and jurys still out as some such as aspartame are cancer causing chemicals. I say this and I love diet coke!!!! It's the caffeine which makes it so addictive. 2)A proper independent barista coffee houses that roasts it's own beans you might get close to what the have there. By Costa and Starbucks style coffee are just highly calorific brown frothy milk.

I've heard french people say the same about British women, bad skin, hair and nails through poor diet. Too much make up etc etc.

She hasn't gone about it in a nice way and it's not what British people do generally as it's quite blunt. But I don't disagree with her. It's not just here though, I'd say also America, Germany are similar. I think a lot has to do with our crap climate, lack of sunshine and depression rates reducing people's motivation to get outside. Plus sedentary jobs and being time poor. The rise of convenience foods and the high cost of eating healthy. The change in palate to favour sugary foods and the lack of time or energy for cooking from scratch. The lack of portion control and focus on quantity over quality.

All that said, I can see why you feel afronted Op!

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I just think that even if she was right on the whole, and I am not saying she is with that ugly comment, it's most definitely not her place. It's very condescending, rude and uncalled for. This approach will not score a person any points if wanting to make a good impression. However, she responded well in the end. I believe she has learned something, which is a good thing, thanks to the OP. So well done to you OP.

Iknjtjumpers · 13/02/2025 22:47

Gosh! She does sound a but much! I can’t see a happy future for your son with this overbearing, suffocating, clingy woman.

Butterfly292828 · 13/02/2025 23:06

Does she hang out with Megan Markle by any chance?

LuckySantangelo35 · 14/02/2025 07:55

Namechangey23 · 13/02/2025 22:19

She's right though.

Dolmio style Bolognese sauce is loaded with sugar (helloooo diabetes!) and other preservative crap so It can sit on a shelf for ever. It doesn't taste a patch on a slow cooked marinara style sauce. Because it's convenience food.
People often just have cheese and beans etc with a jacket potato, all beige bland stodge. Needs a salad, some steamed green veggies to be a healthy meal.
Weetabix - again it's just wheat so fibre, iron as fortified and milk so calcium...it's missing the other vitamins and minerals. Fruit would absolutely add these.

Many Brits don't get their 5 a day which actually is a minimum standard by the way. I'm one of them!

Cola is full of sugar because it's liquid it will quickly spike your blood sugar and you don't get any fibre with your calories so your body barely registers it (helloooo again diabetes!). Often diet cola is just as bad as it has sweetener which can also make you crave sugar and jurys still out as some such as aspartame are cancer causing chemicals. I say this and I love diet coke!!!! It's the caffeine which makes it so addictive. 2)A proper independent barista coffee houses that roasts it's own beans you might get close to what the have there. By Costa and Starbucks style coffee are just highly calorific brown frothy milk.

I've heard french people say the same about British women, bad skin, hair and nails through poor diet. Too much make up etc etc.

She hasn't gone about it in a nice way and it's not what British people do generally as it's quite blunt. But I don't disagree with her. It's not just here though, I'd say also America, Germany are similar. I think a lot has to do with our crap climate, lack of sunshine and depression rates reducing people's motivation to get outside. Plus sedentary jobs and being time poor. The rise of convenience foods and the high cost of eating healthy. The change in palate to favour sugary foods and the lack of time or energy for cooking from scratch. The lack of portion control and focus on quantity over quality.

All that said, I can see why you feel afronted Op!

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@Namechangey23

not everyone has got time to make slow cooked marina sauce from scratch every time they have pasta. That doesn’t mean it’s gonna be “helloooo, diabetes!” as you put it.

Dideon · 14/02/2025 08:07

Namechangey23 · 13/02/2025 22:19

She's right though.

Dolmio style Bolognese sauce is loaded with sugar (helloooo diabetes!) and other preservative crap so It can sit on a shelf for ever. It doesn't taste a patch on a slow cooked marinara style sauce. Because it's convenience food.
People often just have cheese and beans etc with a jacket potato, all beige bland stodge. Needs a salad, some steamed green veggies to be a healthy meal.
Weetabix - again it's just wheat so fibre, iron as fortified and milk so calcium...it's missing the other vitamins and minerals. Fruit would absolutely add these.

Many Brits don't get their 5 a day which actually is a minimum standard by the way. I'm one of them!

Cola is full of sugar because it's liquid it will quickly spike your blood sugar and you don't get any fibre with your calories so your body barely registers it (helloooo again diabetes!). Often diet cola is just as bad as it has sweetener which can also make you crave sugar and jurys still out as some such as aspartame are cancer causing chemicals. I say this and I love diet coke!!!! It's the caffeine which makes it so addictive. 2)A proper independent barista coffee houses that roasts it's own beans you might get close to what the have there. By Costa and Starbucks style coffee are just highly calorific brown frothy milk.

I've heard french people say the same about British women, bad skin, hair and nails through poor diet. Too much make up etc etc.

She hasn't gone about it in a nice way and it's not what British people do generally as it's quite blunt. But I don't disagree with her. It's not just here though, I'd say also America, Germany are similar. I think a lot has to do with our crap climate, lack of sunshine and depression rates reducing people's motivation to get outside. Plus sedentary jobs and being time poor. The rise of convenience foods and the high cost of eating healthy. The change in palate to favour sugary foods and the lack of time or energy for cooking from scratch. The lack of portion control and focus on quantity over quality.

All that said, I can see why you feel afronted Op!

Show quote history

Can I ask what nationality you are ?

Sickandtiredofthisbullshit · 14/02/2025 08:25

Namechangey23 · 13/02/2025 22:19

She's right though.

Dolmio style Bolognese sauce is loaded with sugar (helloooo diabetes!) and other preservative crap so It can sit on a shelf for ever. It doesn't taste a patch on a slow cooked marinara style sauce. Because it's convenience food.
People often just have cheese and beans etc with a jacket potato, all beige bland stodge. Needs a salad, some steamed green veggies to be a healthy meal.
Weetabix - again it's just wheat so fibre, iron as fortified and milk so calcium...it's missing the other vitamins and minerals. Fruit would absolutely add these.

Many Brits don't get their 5 a day which actually is a minimum standard by the way. I'm one of them!

Cola is full of sugar because it's liquid it will quickly spike your blood sugar and you don't get any fibre with your calories so your body barely registers it (helloooo again diabetes!). Often diet cola is just as bad as it has sweetener which can also make you crave sugar and jurys still out as some such as aspartame are cancer causing chemicals. I say this and I love diet coke!!!! It's the caffeine which makes it so addictive. 2)A proper independent barista coffee houses that roasts it's own beans you might get close to what the have there. By Costa and Starbucks style coffee are just highly calorific brown frothy milk.

I've heard french people say the same about British women, bad skin, hair and nails through poor diet. Too much make up etc etc.

She hasn't gone about it in a nice way and it's not what British people do generally as it's quite blunt. But I don't disagree with her. It's not just here though, I'd say also America, Germany are similar. I think a lot has to do with our crap climate, lack of sunshine and depression rates reducing people's motivation to get outside. Plus sedentary jobs and being time poor. The rise of convenience foods and the high cost of eating healthy. The change in palate to favour sugary foods and the lack of time or energy for cooking from scratch. The lack of portion control and focus on quantity over quality.

All that said, I can see why you feel afronted Op!

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But it’s all stereotyping bollocks.

Given the current passion for skincare- I’m not sure I agree that people here have bad skin…and the link to food/ acne isn’t as strong as people think.

Anytime I’ve been to France, Spain, Italy, I see the same mix of thin,fat, young,old, healthy, unhealthy as anywhere else.

Yes, Paris is the epitome of chic, BUT it’s a world capital for fashion. London also has lots of very stylish people but it’s a different aesthetic. Go to the rest of France and people are as badly dressed as anywhere else.

ARingtoit · 14/02/2025 13:32

Most 23 year olds are insufferable know it alls! She sounds very annoying but I was 100% the same at that age! Try to tease her about it if you can and definitely don't bitch to your son about her! This is a time you need to get it right. Try (if you can) to keep it light hearted. Well done on keeping your cool.