Struggling with son's girlfriends personality

[Bluebrownies]

Hi all, so my son is 23, in August he set off to go travelling, he met a girl on the trip and they are now dating. He came home last Monday, just for 3 weeks, then they are going to her parents for 3 weeks before setting off around Europe. We live in London so they are staying with us which is great as we missed him a lot, plus they are keeping themselves busy with museums/theatre etc.
She lives abroad and a lot more rural so that will be a nice change of pace for them when they stop with her family.
The issue is I'm really struggling with his girlfriend's personality, she is respectful but I find her quite "a lot". She is very confident, I thought it might be a front as she was nervous but I'm now thinking she is just naturally very self-assured. Obviously there is nothing wrong with confidence but I've also found her to be very judgemental, she has said multiple times that brits are all so fat (as someone with a higher BMI I feel like this is targeted) and she has said several times British girls are ugly, in front of my impressionable teen girls (13 and 16). She usually follows with "not you guys but generally". I also feel like she is just overly opinionated in general, be it the food I cook, what I'm drinking etc. she has something to say about everything.
We also seem to be having a massive PDA issue, I know this is my son too but he has never been like this before, I feel like they are always touching in some way, she constantly plays with his hair or his hands, they kiss all the time, be it pecks or longer kisses it seems to be every 5 minutes, we went out to the pub for rugby on Saturday and despite their being plenty of seats she insisted on sitting on his lap, even feeding him food off her plate like he was a toddler. It all just makes me little uncomfortable, nothing against hand holding, odd kiss here and there but it's relentless, even when I'm trying to talk to them.
There are other things I dislike but I know aren't really any of my business (her dress sense is very revealing for one).

I'm finding it quite draining as obviously she is always with my son and I don't enjoy her presence so I almost avoid them both. I was so looking forward to having him home but now I'm looking forward to them going). My husband thinks it's just cultural and I will learn to love her but AIBU to feel like this because of these things?

Tell her it's incredibly rude to be critical of her host's country everywhere in the world!.

She sounds really Up Herself.

Your husband doesn’t sound at all supportive! Notice she’s not criticising his cooking. (Guess that’s because he’s not doing any.)

As she’s so knowledgeable about cooking (and getting free accommodation) strong suggest she cooks for the family while she’s staying.

She still going to be awful, but at least you’ll have one less job to do.

Oh dear. She sounds very badly brought up. You'll have to tell her she's being rude each time as her parents have failed to teach her any manners. Hopefully your ds will ditch her and you don't end up with a brattish DIL.

Can they cook and eat and then go upstairs while you cook?
You could say it's busy downstairs and you're sure they want some peace.
Don't go out with them again, in fact avoid until he goes off her arrogance.

We are fatter in the UK, it's a fact unfortunately.

Just look at this very forum, where posters are falling over themselves to boast that UK16 is the average size and anyone smaller is either lying or underweight.

It's just a casual comment.

I would tell my own son to behave and not sit his girlfriend on his lap however.

She's rude, no two ways about it. I would call her out on it every time and I'd probably have a word with your son and tell him you think she's being very rude, he might have a word with her about it.

It's a very rude comment, demonstrating terrible social skills. Would you say to your host in another country that their nationality are ugly and fat? That would be awful manners.

The term fatter and similar is not polite to say to your future MIL and could cause the OPs DDs to develop eating disorders. There's no excuse for her being rude to OP.

She is awful and hugely disrespectful. I am also side-eyeing your son for being ok with it.

Have a word with your son about it, especially the PDA which is just as much him as her.

If I was seeing a guy and he started being derogatorily about people from my ethno-national background he would be dumped.

Immediately. And even if Brits are fatter…so?

Why does she even care? She sounds vacuous and shallow.

Your DH is probably siding with her because she’s young and attractive. Men tend to be a bit stupid like that.

She sounds awful and hopefully your son goes off her and finds a nicer girlfriend.

Fantastic!

That’s a road to no where if your husband is defending this shite behaviour. He should be backing you up. Why do men do this!

I wouldn't say anything

but at the same time, I wouldn't get offended by someone saying that to me either which was more my point. I wouldn't take the comment personally.

It’s pretty common in Europe to have this opinion of Brit’s 😬 I agree with your husband that it’s cultural. Obviously she should have more manners / tact, but Italians tend to be out spoken so I guess what you see is what you get. In terms of the PDA too, def also cultural, Italians are very passionate people.

Having an opinion and expressing it are two different things. People keep excusing rude behaviour as “cultural”.

She just sounds like she has no manners.

she wouldn’t care 🤣

Rise above and find some things to love about her!

Of course but it’s not considered rude in Italy to say what’s on your mind! It’s cultural and no one would cry about there

No it's inexcusable. I'd say to her 'excuse me but I'd appreciate you not criticising my cooking/countrymen/whatever while you are a guest in my home'. If they show lots of PDA just tell them to take it upstairs and that they wouldn't appreciate it if you and your husband carried on like that. And tell your husband he should back you up.
It doesn't matter if she would be XYZ in her own country. She isn't there now is she?

She’s being rude and she knows it, your son knows it too. Get him away from her for five minutes on any pretext and tell him that he needs to speak to her about her rudeness or you will directly it’s not acceptable and don’t bring in this Italian passionate that’s a load of crap.

Then she should respect you and your home and have some decorum. So should your son. If they can't afford it they might become more respectful when asked to find alternative accomodation for her rudeness.

This is the part of parenting that I'm dreading.

Yanbu

Put the wee madam in her place she is abusing your hospitality.
I'd be telling her she can keep her silly opinions to her self.
And have a word in son's ear about the PDA.