Struggling with son's girlfriends personality

[Bluebrownies]

Hi all, so my son is 23, in August he set off to go travelling, he met a girl on the trip and they are now dating. He came home last Monday, just for 3 weeks, then they are going to her parents for 3 weeks before setting off around Europe. We live in London so they are staying with us which is great as we missed him a lot, plus they are keeping themselves busy with museums/theatre etc.
She lives abroad and a lot more rural so that will be a nice change of pace for them when they stop with her family.
The issue is I'm really struggling with his girlfriend's personality, she is respectful but I find her quite "a lot". She is very confident, I thought it might be a front as she was nervous but I'm now thinking she is just naturally very self-assured. Obviously there is nothing wrong with confidence but I've also found her to be very judgemental, she has said multiple times that brits are all so fat (as someone with a higher BMI I feel like this is targeted) and she has said several times British girls are ugly, in front of my impressionable teen girls (13 and 16). She usually follows with "not you guys but generally". I also feel like she is just overly opinionated in general, be it the food I cook, what I'm drinking etc. she has something to say about everything.
We also seem to be having a massive PDA issue, I know this is my son too but he has never been like this before, I feel like they are always touching in some way, she constantly plays with his hair or his hands, they kiss all the time, be it pecks or longer kisses it seems to be every 5 minutes, we went out to the pub for rugby on Saturday and despite their being plenty of seats she insisted on sitting on his lap, even feeding him food off her plate like he was a toddler. It all just makes me little uncomfortable, nothing against hand holding, odd kiss here and there but it's relentless, even when I'm trying to talk to them.
There are other things I dislike but I know aren't really any of my business (her dress sense is very revealing for one).

I'm finding it quite draining as obviously she is always with my son and I don't enjoy her presence so I almost avoid them both. I was so looking forward to having him home but now I'm looking forward to them going). My husband thinks it's just cultural and I will learn to love her but AIBU to feel like this because of these things?

Aah your husband is sucker for a pretty face

Good job she’s heading off soon ! Maybe state “ l’m teaching the girls acceptance and not to comment of people’s appearance as it’s not kind so we don’t allow comments like that here” or just say “wow” to every opinion and nothing else .

She sounds awful and I wouldn’t be offering any more hospitality to her.

I feel your pain op.. make sure you add the spaghetti to the sauce not the sauce to spaghetti 🤣😂 that be next !!

I think you’re right.

its such a thing. I used to think as a teenager that the UK must be really shit. I’d heard so many foreign people criticise it. We were so uncultured blah blah.

it’s only since living and travelling extensively abroad that I’ve seen the UK ( pre Brexit) was ( possibly still is) one of the best countries in the world to live in.

despite this thread, I’d also say it’s one of the most accepting and open minded. The restaurants are amazing because we embrace other cultures.

go to Italy and it’s only really Italian food. Don’t get me wrong Italian food is amazing, but it’s a nightmare trying to find other restaurants there.

I do think there’s a narrow mindedness in many parts of Europe that’s less pronounced in the uk

Yeah. It's hard. Your son has another interest. He's not your boy anymore. Keep going.

@Efrogwraig

“keep going” you mean keep taking endless rubbish comments on the chin? Yeah, no.

It's not forever. They're off travelling again soon.

I don’t care if she’s from Italy, the UK or the moon, this young woman needs to learn some manners, tact and how to keep her opinions to herself! She’s been badly raised if she doesn’t possess these skills.

And your husband just sounds wet. You can show him that.

@Efrogwraig

op has her daughters to think of, they don’t need to hear this woman’s shit. It’s not all about OP’s son and his sensitivities. Her daughters count just as much.

My mom when she comes to visit me in the uk thinks the same than your son 's girlfriend that you see a lot more overnight people in the UK. We went on holiday in Ireland as well and she said the same about Ireland. She thinks it is because of the fast food industries, there is plenty of take away in UK and Ireland. We don't have that many in Belgium, there is only one take away place where my mum lives in Belgium a pizzeria, where she lives there is around 6000 people living there, we went to visit my cousin in Ireland, she lives in a town which is roughly the same size and there is at least 10 take away places.

Should read overweight not overnight

Your son’s girlfriend sounds similar to my Aunt (she is Italian, from Rome). My Uncle and her met each other when they were in their 20’s and are now in their 60’s. My uncle moved to Italy to live with her and her family when they got married. My grandparents didn’t always get on with her as she was very opinionated. She always enjoys talking about politics and is very intelligent too. She is 65 years old now and is always the most glamorous woman in the room. Her and my Uncle are still passionate about each other and have a strong marriage. They came over for a family wedding and she was talking openly about what I would deem a private & confidential matter concerning her adult daughter. And openly saying her daughter’s partner isn’t handsome. I find her refreshing and honest as well as irritating. I didn’t feel comfortable her speaking unkindly in front of my teenage daughters or disclosing her daughter’s private life in front of them. My uncle and her live in a village and are very sheltered. Life is very different there compared to the UK. Your son’s girlfriend isn’t saying you or your daughter’s are fat and ugly, take it as a compliment that she is talking openly, she feels comfortable with you. If she thought you and your daughter’s were unattractive she wouldn’t talk about it. Furthermore you’re insinuating you are, she isn’t. My aunt makes my fur bristle too and I make allowances for the cultural difference. It’s a massive difference. Can you speak Italian? Your son’s girlfriend speaks English. Italian food is renowned for being delicious and healthy. Why don’t you let them cook for you, your daughter’s and husband? You’re not the number one in his life anymore and it’s not easy to get used to the idea. He might move to Italy and live with her and her family like my Uncle did. My uncle had to deal with not being accepted immediately by my aunt’s family too. That’s not fair is it. Embrace the differences. Feel proud that your son feels comfortable around his family to show his affection and love for the young Italian lady. You’ve done a great job and it’s time to let go.

Unless she is a 5 year old kid, she is rude even if she said all that after being asked.

So in your opinion the only quality British people have are that they are fat and ugly?

I’d probably follow her comment up with “oh, you Italians, so full of yourself all of the time”
but then I’m petty.

id definitely be saying about the mean comments infront of impressionable teenagers, and their adult brother should know better too.

@MadMadaMim Aqua sporca! That's what I remember Italians calling instant coffee. I just think of them as two different kind of drinks to be honest.

I agree with the jar ragu, much nicer homemade. But I wouldn't comment to someone hosting, which I think is perhaps the cultural difference. As for vegetable, contorni in Italy surprised me, those veggies got boiled to death!

Also, I found Italians (and this may have changed as it's 25 years since I lived there!) had less experience of cultural divergence and therefore were quite narrow minded when it came to other cuisines or cultural practices. It was quite childlike, the shock horror at how other people from other places did things, like there's only one right way, and that's the Italian way. I think something we're generally better at in the UK is being open minded about other cultures.

This is my favourite,
My son was 19 when he brought his girlfriend home who was 21 at the time.
She was so shy to begin with she ran behind him when she met me.
She's now apionated but I still feel if I said something and was quite stern she would listen.
He's now 22 and they are married and we all live together.
As my mum always said, start as you mean to go on.

And forgot to add she's South African

@SigmaStarFlower

no, op doesn’t have to accept rudeness. End of.

The men here aren’t thinking rationally they are being led by their dicks. . Not a lot you can do about that. She knows what she’s doing. She’s a competitive female and on that level she has all the chips. Of course she is despicable. Sorry.

I have lived in Brussels and there are plenty of fat teenagers there.Also in france in summer feel like there are more podgy french people getting jn the sea.Probably no time to cook properly so eatting more fast food.Also in germany, more fat children.
I think though in these places there are less ready meals in supermarkets, I notice this.
It really is outdated though that you can only get bad food in the uk.

Interesting passive, aggressive projection in your reply to my take on OP’s situation. Out of curiosity, in which way do you think the OP’s son’s girlfriend was rude. OP has stated all is good between them all from my understanding of their last post. 😀

My reply would be 'wow it must be wonderful to be perfect you must teach me one day'

I'm going to have to say this I'm afraid, no-one else has.....just look at what's happened to Gino D'Acampo .........cultural differences.....love him or loathe him !😁

I agree, it has become a casual comment, but it still remains an insult.

I think we need to either say nothing, or better phrase this, especially as we now have to be careful how we address people who were born a particular sex. God forbid we offend 'them' with facts.

Anyway, fat does not necessarily mean not fit. I am a UK10 and have always been on the smaller side but my fitness level is terrible. I'm sure I'm not alone. There are some naturally big but fit Brits, too. Why judge?

Unless we are in the medical field, I just dont know why it matters to strangers, especially. Why is so much focus and attention put on what we look like? However, a self inflicted personality disorder can be more damaging to everyone, including one's self. This is more likely to be a detriment to peoples lives making for a sad existence for one and all who come in contact with it.

There should be a health warning on a bad personality!