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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Struggling with son's girlfriends personality

944 replies

Bluebrownies · 10/02/2025 23:28

Hi all, so my son is 23, in August he set off to go travelling, he met a girl on the trip and they are now dating. He came home last Monday, just for 3 weeks, then they are going to her parents for 3 weeks before setting off around Europe. We live in London so they are staying with us which is great as we missed him a lot, plus they are keeping themselves busy with museums/theatre etc.
She lives abroad and a lot more rural so that will be a nice change of pace for them when they stop with her family.
The issue is I'm really struggling with his girlfriend's personality, she is respectful but I find her quite "a lot". She is very confident, I thought it might be a front as she was nervous but I'm now thinking she is just naturally very self-assured. Obviously there is nothing wrong with confidence but I've also found her to be very judgemental, she has said multiple times that brits are all so fat (as someone with a higher BMI I feel like this is targeted) and she has said several times British girls are ugly, in front of my impressionable teen girls (13 and 16). She usually follows with "not you guys but generally". I also feel like she is just overly opinionated in general, be it the food I cook, what I'm drinking etc. she has something to say about everything.
We also seem to be having a massive PDA issue, I know this is my son too but he has never been like this before, I feel like they are always touching in some way, she constantly plays with his hair or his hands, they kiss all the time, be it pecks or longer kisses it seems to be every 5 minutes, we went out to the pub for rugby on Saturday and despite their being plenty of seats she insisted on sitting on his lap, even feeding him food off her plate like he was a toddler. It all just makes me little uncomfortable, nothing against hand holding, odd kiss here and there but it's relentless, even when I'm trying to talk to them.
There are other things I dislike but I know aren't really any of my business (her dress sense is very revealing for one).

I'm finding it quite draining as obviously she is always with my son and I don't enjoy her presence so I almost avoid them both. I was so looking forward to having him home but now I'm looking forward to them going). My husband thinks it's just cultural and I will learn to love her but AIBU to feel like this because of these things?

OP posts:
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Mum2So · 10/02/2025 23:34

She sounds ghastly! Where is she from?

Hemlocked · 10/02/2025 23:34

She sounds dreadful. YANBU.

Pleatherandlace · 10/02/2025 23:36

Tell her to behave and cut all that “British women are fat/ugly” sexist bullshit out. That’s a really bad look especially in front of your younger kids. In fact so is all the sexualised behaviour. Have a word with your son too. As a 23 year old adult he should be able to have a conversation about it.

Hemlocked · 10/02/2025 23:36

Oops sorry I just clicked YABU by accident.

purpleme12 · 10/02/2025 23:37

I think I'd have to say something about the fat and ugly comments. There and then

Hollyhedge · 10/02/2025 23:37

That would massively do my head in.!3 weeks ride it out. Who knows what happens later on

Original poster
Bluebrownies · 10/02/2025 23:38

Mum2So · 10/02/2025 23:34

She sounds ghastly! Where is she from?

Her family live in Italy and I think she was raised there but has Portuguese family.

OP posts:
Mymouseisonfire · 10/02/2025 23:38

What did you say in response to the fat and ugly comments?

Ladamesansmerci · 10/02/2025 23:39

She just sounds rude. It takes someone deeply unpleasant to be sat around describing lots of people as fat and ugly. It's just means spirited.

I'd be unhappy if I had teenage girls overhearing this, as we should raise our children to be kind about everyone and not judge others based on appearance.

The affection thing is gross haha, but tbh I was like that in my first relationship. I was like one of those dogs who always has to be touching you 🤣 Cringe but forgiveable if she was otherwise nice, but she isn't!

Original poster
Bluebrownies · 10/02/2025 23:39

purpleme12 · 10/02/2025 23:37

I think I'd have to say something about the fat and ugly comments. There and then

I have said "oh that is a bit rude" and she apologises and adds the "not you guys just generally".

OP posts:
OldMargaret · 10/02/2025 23:40

Is she “ perfect “ to be having such a high opinion of herself?

Original poster
Bluebrownies · 10/02/2025 23:42

OldMargaret · 10/02/2025 23:40

Is she “ perfect “ to be having such a high opinion of herself?

I mean she is very attractive (by conventional societal standards), she did some modelling at uni I believe, and she seems fairly intelligent when discussing world issues etc.

However I don't think I would care if she was a Victorias secret model with 5 PhDs, I'd still not like her very much.

OP posts:
FallenRaingel · 10/02/2025 23:42

Tell them they need to find a hotel for the rest of their visit as you are sick of her judgemental comments about your extended female family and friends in general.

Original poster
Bluebrownies · 10/02/2025 23:44

FallenRaingel · 10/02/2025 23:42

Tell them they need to find a hotel for the rest of their visit as you are sick of her judgemental comments about your extended female family and friends in general.

I would be tempted but I don't want to kick my son out, and I doubt they could afford a London hotel for long. The whole point of the break is time away from hostels to relax and recharge before travelling again.

OP posts:
mummytalking · 10/02/2025 23:44

It's not cultural it's rude! I'm European and hate it when people use this excuse for inappropriate behaviour. Most of my friends and family also European wouldn't behave this way either - in fact it's the opposite! We are taught to have huge respect for elders especially our partners parents. I used to live a slinky dress but would always dress a bit more modestly in front of DH's parents in the early days especially. I certainly wouldn't sit on his lap during a family meal! Christ!

Lammveg · 10/02/2025 23:44

Hemlocked · 10/02/2025 23:36

Oops sorry I just clicked YABU by accident.

You can change it, just click the other option

BreadInCaptivity · 10/02/2025 23:46

Suggest you and your DH start emulating their PDA behaviour and see how they like that....only half kidding...

As for comments about Brits just call her out on it every time. Tell her she is being rude and you are fed up with it.

Same with the food you cook, what you drink etc. Icy glare and that she might want to remember she's a guest, not a prisoner and free to leave if the money you are spending on hosting her is being wasted on someone so disdainful.

Bbq1 · 10/02/2025 23:46

Op, you need to call out this unpleasant girl there and then when makes these horrible comments. Speak to your son about her attitude too. The pda's are really inappropriate especially in front of his parents and young sisters. You can't mention her clothing etc but you can absolutely address her behaviour. Ffs she's a guest in YOUR home. Speak to your son or her/both of them together if you feel you can.

Original poster
Bluebrownies · 10/02/2025 23:48

BreadInCaptivity · 10/02/2025 23:46

Suggest you and your DH start emulating their PDA behaviour and see how they like that....only half kidding...

As for comments about Brits just call her out on it every time. Tell her she is being rude and you are fed up with it.

Same with the food you cook, what you drink etc. Icy glare and that she might want to remember she's a guest, not a prisoner and free to leave if the money you are spending on hosting her is being wasted on someone so disdainful.

The thing is, it's not food she is eating, it's the food I have made for myself/daughters/husband. She and my son have been sorting their own meals! I have said a few time "well good job you're not eating it then" or "why don't you make it next time if it is so bad".

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 10/02/2025 23:50

That actually sounds really hard OP

LaineyCee · 10/02/2025 23:52

Next time she makes a dig about British women, I’d say, “Interesting. Is that level of misogyny/xenophobia typical of attitudes in (home country) or are you an anomaly?”

Original poster
Bluebrownies · 10/02/2025 23:52

purpleme12 · 10/02/2025 23:50

That actually sounds really hard OP

More so as my husband seems to want to defend her, "oh she's allowed to critique your pasta, she's Italian" "Oh you know southern europeans are just more expressive and comfortable with PDA" etc.
I feel like I'm the horrible one every time he defends her.

OP posts:
HeartandSeoul · 10/02/2025 23:55

Have you posted about this before, OP? It all sounds really familiar.

Original poster
Bluebrownies · 10/02/2025 23:55

HeartandSeoul · 10/02/2025 23:55

Have you posted about this before, OP? It all sounds really familiar.

I haven't no.

OP posts:
RubyHiker · 10/02/2025 23:57

I'm pretty petty. I think I would have to throw in a "gosh I know its like Italians are so rude and bad mannered... I mean not you of course. But in general"