Struggling with son's girlfriends personality

[Bluebrownies]

Hi all, so my son is 23, in August he set off to go travelling, he met a girl on the trip and they are now dating. He came home last Monday, just for 3 weeks, then they are going to her parents for 3 weeks before setting off around Europe. We live in London so they are staying with us which is great as we missed him a lot, plus they are keeping themselves busy with museums/theatre etc.
She lives abroad and a lot more rural so that will be a nice change of pace for them when they stop with her family.
The issue is I'm really struggling with his girlfriend's personality, she is respectful but I find her quite "a lot". She is very confident, I thought it might be a front as she was nervous but I'm now thinking she is just naturally very self-assured. Obviously there is nothing wrong with confidence but I've also found her to be very judgemental, she has said multiple times that brits are all so fat (as someone with a higher BMI I feel like this is targeted) and she has said several times British girls are ugly, in front of my impressionable teen girls (13 and 16). She usually follows with "not you guys but generally". I also feel like she is just overly opinionated in general, be it the food I cook, what I'm drinking etc. she has something to say about everything.
We also seem to be having a massive PDA issue, I know this is my son too but he has never been like this before, I feel like they are always touching in some way, she constantly plays with his hair or his hands, they kiss all the time, be it pecks or longer kisses it seems to be every 5 minutes, we went out to the pub for rugby on Saturday and despite their being plenty of seats she insisted on sitting on his lap, even feeding him food off her plate like he was a toddler. It all just makes me little uncomfortable, nothing against hand holding, odd kiss here and there but it's relentless, even when I'm trying to talk to them.
There are other things I dislike but I know aren't really any of my business (her dress sense is very revealing for one).

I'm finding it quite draining as obviously she is always with my son and I don't enjoy her presence so I almost avoid them both. I was so looking forward to having him home but now I'm looking forward to them going). My husband thinks it's just cultural and I will learn to love her but AIBU to feel like this because of these things?

@oakleaffy Yeah I had a Italian friend who's parents got full custody of her daughter.

And no, as someone who lived with this woman in the past, I can see no reasonable grounds of how they achieved that. They refused her even basic access, so she moved to Russia and I've lost contact, although I'm trying to track her down as I'm a genuine friend.

I think you need to nip this in the bud. If this girl is behaving so arrogantly at this early stage in the relationship with your son can you imagine how rude she will be in another 5 years if they stay together? Call her out on it and tell her that her comments are xenophobic and downright offensive. Most people are usually making an effort with their boyfriend's family and friends when they first meet.

Public, not personal.

Hopefully if you do find your lost relatives, it will be ok.

Those homes sound absolutely hideous.

A baby ripped from his or her mother and put up for adoption is unbearably sad.

Thankfully the man I know who was reunited with his birth mother had the full support of his lovely adoptive parents.

It must be hard for them, too to have a child who yearns to know who their ''real'' mother was...especially as these young mothers had no choice in the matter.

They weren't supported to look after their babies, and as you say, the ''fathers'' {sperm donors} get away scot free.

But it's sloooww 🤣

In many cases as well a lot of people are only finding out through the likes of ancestry because records are/were routinely destroyed. Meaning before DNA testing became public (and even then you have to rely on your mother being in the database) people would have absolutely no way of tracking down their mother or baby. It’s unimaginably cruel and this mindset towards teenage or unmarried mothers is not uncommon IME.

Dont get me started on child sexual abuse in the priesthood.

Like I say the Italians, and I speak as one, have no right to look down on any other country

Does she look down on you? Introduce her to some hoi polloi richer lawyer man and she'll be off. Thinks 1923 Alexandra's fiancé Arthur, or some sort of Jude Law gigilo, yuk.

🤣🤣 But how are you twiddling teeny tiny half spaghetti pieces with your fork and spoon (for the love of god please tell me you use a spoon and twiddle your fork??)

Public Displays of Affection, oh right, of course, sorry.

I wondered what a Spaghetti snapper is..

OOPS! Guilty as charged...
Mum {a very good cook} eases it gently into a pan of boiling water- but I snap it in two so it fits in the pan.

I won't do this any longer though!

As a guest there is no way you should criticise your host's cooking skills and culture.

But... I'd definitely be offering to cook you something from scratch or going to eat elsewhere or want to stay elsewhere if you kept offering jar and packet based meals and baked potatoes with no veg.

It's so easy to make a pasta sauce from scratch and to serve veg with every meal. One of the things I loved about DH was his MIL's cooking. My DM is not a cook by any means but she would make such an effort when DH came to stay.

“It’s the height of bad manners to comment on someone’s food” on repeat. I’d also be talking to my son about it- if your son not mortified! I’d be mortified if a boyf of mine spoke to my parents that way! I’m cringing thinking about it!

But how do you eat such short strands of spaghetti?! Does it not just fall off the fork?

That is really taking cooking seriously.

There is probably a Mumsnet thread by her about it..

''I was dumped by my Italian Boyfriend simply because I snapped spaghetti so it would fit into my small pan of boiling water.
He caught me in the act.''

AIBU?''

They probably chop it all up small with a knife and fork, mix it all in with the sauce and scoop it up with a dessert spoon.

STOP 😂

It's not ideal.
Definitely longer strands are easier to eat.

I've seen it happen. 😂

I've done it!

😆

I’m 5000% with you on this one 😭😳

Oakleafy no more spaghetti 🍝 kiss!

I live in Japan - we use chopsticks 🤣.

I remember saying something to an Italian once here about food and she replied - "spaghetti in a sweet tomato sauce in the same box (bento) as rice and fried chicken, imagine my surprise as an Italian"

I can’t cope with the amount of you who are snappers. It’s the Italian equivalent of putting milk in your mug first.

Also I am rather anti pasta sauce. Pasta is better with hardly any sauce IMO.

Tasty and simple recipe: Put a shit load of tomatoes in a frying pan with a fuckload of your favourite herbs and spices, garlic, chilli’s, etc and throw in some stuff that oozes some sort of liquid (not chicken though if you take my advice) - my favourite is prawns and chorizo. Lots of flavoursome oily goodness coming out of everything.

Cook pasta properly! Or I will hunt you down, I will find you…and I will kill you.

Spoon the Spaghetti all lovely and circular on the plate, with a hole in the middle, where you put your mix. Sprinkle with chopped chives. I guess you could add Parmesan if you hate yourself but I recommend not to.

Delicious. Make it OP and don’t offer little miss any because she hates British cooking so much

I wonder if the people on this thread who are defending this girl's passionate rude lewd Italian "culture" were quite so keen on sticking up for Gino Di Campo over the last few days. Double standards.

I hate it when people say 'Oh it's just cultural' as an excuse for being rude and bad mannered.