Struggling with son's girlfriends personality

[Bluebrownies]

Hi all, so my son is 23, in August he set off to go travelling, he met a girl on the trip and they are now dating. He came home last Monday, just for 3 weeks, then they are going to her parents for 3 weeks before setting off around Europe. We live in London so they are staying with us which is great as we missed him a lot, plus they are keeping themselves busy with museums/theatre etc.
She lives abroad and a lot more rural so that will be a nice change of pace for them when they stop with her family.
The issue is I'm really struggling with his girlfriend's personality, she is respectful but I find her quite "a lot". She is very confident, I thought it might be a front as she was nervous but I'm now thinking she is just naturally very self-assured. Obviously there is nothing wrong with confidence but I've also found her to be very judgemental, she has said multiple times that brits are all so fat (as someone with a higher BMI I feel like this is targeted) and she has said several times British girls are ugly, in front of my impressionable teen girls (13 and 16). She usually follows with "not you guys but generally". I also feel like she is just overly opinionated in general, be it the food I cook, what I'm drinking etc. she has something to say about everything.
We also seem to be having a massive PDA issue, I know this is my son too but he has never been like this before, I feel like they are always touching in some way, she constantly plays with his hair or his hands, they kiss all the time, be it pecks or longer kisses it seems to be every 5 minutes, we went out to the pub for rugby on Saturday and despite their being plenty of seats she insisted on sitting on his lap, even feeding him food off her plate like he was a toddler. It all just makes me little uncomfortable, nothing against hand holding, odd kiss here and there but it's relentless, even when I'm trying to talk to them.
There are other things I dislike but I know aren't really any of my business (her dress sense is very revealing for one).

I'm finding it quite draining as obviously she is always with my son and I don't enjoy her presence so I almost avoid them both. I was so looking forward to having him home but now I'm looking forward to them going). My husband thinks it's just cultural and I will learn to love her but AIBU to feel like this because of these things?

Thank goodness they are not with you for long. Maybe the relationship won't last too long either. Your son can't be happy with the things she says though he is not likely to admit that at the moment. She sounds awful, frankly.

Oh that's not something I will do. I don't believe in pitting women against each other for one, two my son would get rightly upset with me and three his exes weren't nice people (one cheated, one was emotionally manipulative and controlling).
Also they are all beautiful women but if I did want to try pitting them against each other, I would be being dishonest to say she is less attractive than them, as in personality she is equal and like I already said she extremely attractive by the conventional standards!

As for healthy Italian food 🤣🤣🤣 erm nope! They eat endless carbs & oil everything!
There's plenty of fat/obese people in Italy & Portugal and they're mostly greasy & sweaty. Nor do either of those countries have better dress sense.
All the myths about Mediterranean countries make me laugh.

I agree with this. I wonder if the OP has liked any of her precious sons previous girlfriends?
My mother hates my brothers wife because no one is good enough for her little prince. Also, she hates all confident women.

As the mother of an 11yo who is really starting to feel the pressure about looks I’m afraid I’d have been having words about her rude comments about British girls’s looks. I also can’t bear PDA and think it’s completely inappropriate to do it in front of family and would be speaking to my son.

WTF is it with young people that they have a right to behave with absolutely no manners? Pull your son AND her up on this. She is a guest at the end of the day and needs to treat your house, rules and other DC with respect

In what way is OP a precious mother? She wants to be respected in her own home that’s all

It really does sound familiar.

Rising obesity rates are a problem all over Europe though- It's not just UK .

We don't hit the highest rate for obesity.

Something is driving the weight gain- Palm oil?

landgeist.com/2024/03/16/overweight-in-europe/

Ok just seen this.

Im from an Italian family. Theres a lot of snobbery and resentment around British women and girls. They seen as lowly slappers in many circles but actually I’d rather have British attitude towards women and girls than Italian attitude. My family come from a very Catholic right wing area where even now girls’ virtues are embedded in virginity and they’re treated like commodities. Men who behave the same are not treated that way. I have a cousin who had a pregnancy out of wedlock and it was a massive scandal, with some family members still not speaking to her, but not for her boyfriend. Italians have no right to look down on British girls, they live in a sexist country, where domestic abuse and sexual violence against women is very high and only a few years ago it was deemed a woman wearing jeans could not be raped because she’d have to take them off herself.

I asked my husband to read some of the comments here and he feels like I have painted her badly. I don't think I have but he thinks I should clarify the "insults".

The critique on my food -

1. I used a jar of pasta sauce to make Bolognese, she commented that it wasn't very nice and full of preservatives and "not really bolognese".
2. I made Jacket potatoes and she commented 3 times "no vegetables"
3. I had weetabix for breakfast and she said "no fruit, you should have some fruit"

Critique on drinks -

1. Several times saying we all drink so much cola then listing how unhealthy it is
2. She has said several times how much she doesn't like British coffee - almost everytime I drink it

The fat comment was first when I asked her what her perception of brits was and she said fat, don't dress well etc.

Then several times she's commented on how many fat people she has seen out and how so many brits are fat.

I don't think this changes anything but my husband does so I will give the extra context.

In Italy 1 in 3 women experience violence or sexual violence from their partners IIRC. Hardly the envy of the world

According to her something like 12% of Italian adults are obese and 35% overweight, vs 28% of brits obese and a 36% of brits overweight. I haven't fact checked this, nor have I been to Italy to know what their diet is but she is very slim/abs and very health focused.

47% of Italians are overweight. Lower than the U.K. but nothing to be proud of

She sounds very insecure about her background, and desperate to hang on to your son. Introduce her to a single man richer than your son, and she'll be off like a shot.

She's spot on regarding the jar of pasta sauce, the coke and the coffee. Not sure I'd have mentioned it, but I can't fault her opinions.

I'm sure that stung a bit OP.

With respect rudeness to hosts in my Italian family is absolutely not tolerated. Outspoken, yes, loud fuck yes, not never openly rude to people housing you

Agreed- when in someone's house, you abide by their house rules.

I used to be friends with a lovely girl and if I stayed over at their house at age 11-15 on a Saturday night, we'd be awakened early to go to the Church on a Sunday morning- no ifs, no buts! I actually liked it, the incense and the Icons.

PDA {Public displays of affection} are very inappropriate and it does sound like the girlfriend has a very high opinion of herself.

I’d be asking how come he’s so quick to defend her to the detriment of his own family. He sounds rather too enamoured…

Does he know half the people in Italy are “fat”?

Is he defending her because she’s attractive?

Tell your son to ease off the PDA.

I don’t think said anything controversial. I think you’re being sensitive.

stop looking to pick faults.

Funny my husband thinks I'm being harsh on her because she is attractive!

Absolutely!!!!!
My friend who I stayed with was Italian/Greek - they were very loud but also very polite.

Definitely no place for rudeness.

Pshhh I'm south med and it's way rude to criticise your host. Ask your son if this is how he finds her attractive. Ask her what's her problemo!!! She can piss off if she is not appreciating your home and hospitality which sounds lovely. I will come in her place!

That was my first thought on why is the husband so quick to defend the 20 yr old ?

She sounds awful.

I don't know what PDA refers to because I only know it as Pathological Demand Avoidance, not totally dissimilar to Autism, but presumably you and other posters mean constantly touching?

Presumably you are mainly actually really sad that ds a) can't see all of this too, ie is so emotionally inept he can't recognise all this. And b) that he's even attracted to her (not physically because you say she is extremely attractive), in that he'd be so shallow. This presumably is the main point of your hurt?

Public Displays of Affection