I wasn't invited to my coworker's house warming party

[user1471867483]

Everyone in my office was invited except me. I live 30 miles away so really I couldn't have made it, but I would've bought him a house warming gift. He said he'd invite me, but I only knew he had the party just this weekend as everyone in the office is talking about it now and I can't join in as in the end I wasn't invited. I feel so embarrassed. He has the day off today. I feel rejected and left out. Am I being too sensitive? The others live nearer him (so maybe they could have made it there better than me) and one lives far away from him like I do, but he still he got invited 🤔

So he said he was going to invite you before the party but you didn't actually get an invite with details? If that's the case it might just have been an oversight. If you don't tell them it's unlikely anyone knows you didn't get an invite. I'd feel hurt too, but it doesn't necessarily mean anything.

You're not being over sensitive, that would hurt anyone normal. It might have been oversight? But still hurtful.

You live 30 miles away. You couldn't have attended and had a drink. He's probably not set up for guests yet, so I can't see the issue.

Yeah, in your shoes I'd be pretty surprised & quite p'd off too.
However, it happened, it's over, move on.
Not worth your energy to dissect it further (& also not worth potentially disrupting relations at work & being judged negatively as a result).

Oh wow I'd definitely be asking him 'hey how was the party you didn't invite me to?' Tomorrow!

It's a bit confusing
Did he say before he invited people that you'd be invited?
Is it possible "invitations" weren't sent and you took his comment as a "pre invite" when it was the invite?
Did you mention how far away and hard it would be for you between the "pre invite" and actual invites?

I bet he forgot which isn't good enough.

Did they have a WhatsApp group about the party?

It’s a bit thoughtless but I wouldn’t dwell on it.
Similar happened to me once, but in couldn’t have gone anyway, but when asked about ‘ ooh, weren’t you there?’ As everyone else was invited, I just said Inwas away. Not a lie, saved some face!

YANBU OP I’d be put out too

Does he know how far away you live? Could it be that he figured you wouldn't come anyway/was anything about distance mentioned when he invited you verbally?

I only ask because I have a friend I didn't invite to a weekend away because she was saving for a trip and had tight finances, and was turning down other social events. So I didn't invite her because I didn't want to put her in a position to have to turn it down, some people can be funny about this. We are still good friends to this day.

What did he say when he said he would invite you? In my circle that is the invite. (Unless he didn't give date).

This happened to me several years ago. It was the director's wife (who I knew) who was having a 'big birthday bash'. The director told me to get a posh frock because they were doing a formal event, had hired a venue, everyone in the company was invited. He told me the date.

Everyone got formal written invites. I didn't, so I didn't go. Everyone else did, and I lived locally.

I later found out from the director's mother (who I was friends with), that apparently I wasn't invited because the wife didn't want me to upstage her. I mean, how utterly ridiculous!

So, it may be something as daft as that, OP.

I wouldn't care but I bring in one of those free Metro newspapers for him each day (as she doesn't pass through an underground station) and help him with his office phone calls when he gets stuck (as he's from south India with a very thick accent and he struggles). Obliviously, I just don't have what it takes 🤔.

Co-worker
Not a friend
Not a relative
Co-worker
Are you 100% confident that every other co-worker was invited and that your omission was deliberate?
I don't think picking up a Metro every day means anything, and generally, it doesn't guarantee favour. But your comment is intriguing - what exactly do you think is it that 'you think you haven't got', and how that affects anything. Do you fancy him?

30 miles is nothing.
Nobody mentioned you not being there?

I think it stems from my childhood and without sounding 'woe is me', I've had so much exclusion and rejection in life from childhood upwards and it brings it all back again. I have to move on I guess. Yes, everyone was invited except for me and one lady in her 70s who hasn't been working lately as she's been off sick for weeks and weeks.

I think you need to ask him when you next see him

I'd ask. Honestly I would.

"Hey I was upset not to get an invite, was there a reason?"

I’ve noticed on here it’s always the most helpful people who get shit on. Stop the newspapers and leave him to get on with his own work.

He had all of last week and even Friday afternoon to give you the details.

I don't understand why some posters don't get it. Being left out is horrible.

It reminds me of the threads where one child is left out of whole class parties.

It's mean.

Please ask him and update the thread.

I definitely think he forgot to officially invite you, hopefully he has realised since.

You come across as a very friendly helpful colleague, I can't think of anything else as a reason for no invitation.

I would be upset too. 💐

I once suggested to some co workers that we should go on a Christmas train to a city for the day, they were really enthusiastic.
Another colleague came up to me one day and asked what I was doing in work and why I wasn’t on the Christmas train with the other 3 colleagues.
Work colleagues can be nice as pie to your face and yet not see you as someone to socialise with.

If your colleague asks where his paper is today tell him it’s with your invite to his house warming, wherever that may be.

I don’t understand how people forget to invite one person. There must have been conversations and addresses passed out or WhatsApp chats.

I wouldn't ever expect to be invited to a workmate's house, and always felt awkward if asked. They're workmates, not friends. If it really bothers you then ask him.

I think people are overlooking the fact that both party giver and the OP knew she definitely wouldn’t have been able to attend on grounds of distance!

You’re being unreasonable, OP. There’s no need to so much soul-searching. You say yourself you couldn’t/wouldn’t have gone, as it would have involved driving 30 miles. Presumably he’s the kind of person who just thought, ‘Colleague X definitely won’t be able to come, so there’s no point in inviting her.’

He's not to know that you’re having childhood flashbacks about being excluded, or that you’d have liked an invitation to a colleague’s party that you both knew you couldn’t have attended! People would still be talking about it, and you still wouldn’t have been there, even if he had invited you. I think you need to get past this.