I wasn't invited to my coworker's house warming party

[user1471867483]

Everyone in my office was invited except me. I live 30 miles away so really I couldn't have made it, but I would've bought him a house warming gift. He said he'd invite me, but I only knew he had the party just this weekend as everyone in the office is talking about it now and I can't join in as in the end I wasn't invited. I feel so embarrassed. He has the day off today. I feel rejected and left out. Am I being too sensitive? The others live nearer him (so maybe they could have made it there better than me) and one lives far away from him like I do, but he still he got invited 🤔

So OP comes back and doesn't answer any of the pertinent questions about how invites went out etc but just tries to claim she was "worthy" because she brings in the Metro (a FREE paper you just pick up on the bus/train and hardly any effort) and helps him with his work (which imo would be expected of colleagues to help each other out)

OP still ignoring questions that would bring more clarity. Considering the colleague is male and just moved into a home big enough for a "warming", it's within the realm of possibility that he's in a relationship. A girlfriend or fiancee would not warm to the idea of him inviting a female colleague who brings him the paper every morning. Even though it's free, it's one of those tiny gestures that indicates a more intimate, work-wife type relationship.

It's also possible that OP isn't even aware he's dating someone. Many men keep that secret at work anyway to make themselves more available for office flirts, banter with female colleagues etc. Also, some men deliberately stir shit at home. They might exaggerate the relationship they have with a colleague just to make their partners feel jealous or inadequate. So they will obviously not want this colleague in their personal space.

Honestly why don’t care? He’s a co worker and that’s all. If you left tomorrow the reality is you’d be forgotten about within a day. Can’t believe he even invited co workers to his housewarming tbh.

Same initial reaction here. I've never heard of anyone inviting the entire office to a housewarming. He either has an absolutely massive house or no friends (??)

This.

And be cool, professional but polite when you next see him.

She never had to do it in the first place to be honest. Friendship doesn’t work like that, it’s not transactional.

He’s a colleague. I’d hate to have to invite a colleague to my house because I felt I had to.

Well, the OP says he’s from southern India, so he presumably doesn’t have the same numbers of longterm friends as someone who’d grown up in the UK? Or maybe it’s normal to invite colleagues to a housewarming where he’s from? Or the workplace is small, so it was a matter of issuing a token invitation to a few people.

IMO the issue here isn't not getting an invite but being told she was getting one and then him not following through.

So now OP knows that the guy is unreliable she can bear that in mind for the future.

Him being from South India is irrelevant.

And the very fact OP is retracting the most basic assistance when customers don’t understand this colleague (which seems like, idk, a basic part of her job?) as well as checks notes a free newspaper..? Confirms OP views friendship as transactional. It’s not genuine at all.

Couple it with how she unkindly described this man when someone suggested she might have romantic interest. What was it, you’d know I don’t if you saw him - he has BO etc..

Maybe OP should consider she isn’t coming across as friendly, kind or genuine as she’d like to think and maybe that’s why he didn’t want her there.

In which case I'd be thanking my lucky stars he didn't invite me 🙏🏾😬.
Imagine having to spend the afternoon saying, 'no thank you' ☹️.

How. Were. The. Invites. Sent?

It's not a hard question to answer.

Did you say "Oh that's a lovely idea, I probably won't make it because I live so far away", did you say "what a lovely idea" in a way that sounded sarcastic, did you mention the distance at all (even in a way that wasn't related like moaning about travelling to work) which might make it seem like you wouldn't travel?

He's not in so not picking up the free paper of the train isn't punishing him and if you stop helping him at work you're likely the be the one in trouble.

"Jag has been having bad feedback recently from his calls and when we spoke to him he said you used to help him but now you've stopped. That's rather unprofessional and you need to help him again. Why did you stop?"
"Oh because he didn't invite me to the housewarming I had already said would be too far for me to travel to"

Just an update. He came in just now with a box of chocs for everyone and placed them on the centre desk. I asked him what was the occasion. He said it's from his home warming on the weekend. I said, "I wasn't invited and I was the only one who wasn't". He laughed and he said, "I know. Sorry, but you wouldn't have probably liked the food anyway". Not nice. I just left it there 🤔.

Wow - sorry to hear this OP

This happened to me 6 years sgo

I don’t care now because s lot of good has happened in the interim but not nice at the time

Have you ever made any comments re his food? You have taken the time to mention his BO to us, as well as his race, which gives me plausible suspicions. Perhaps without realising it you’ve been guilty of one or two microaggressions. Any comments made to him, or others that were then relayed to him, re food and smells could rightfully be taken very personally.

Maybe he's picked up on your 'yuk' feelings for him? What with his 'very thick accent' too. Do you think you may have been giving off some negative vibes?

If not, then yes it is very unpleasant to exclude one member of staff. Ask the others, you may get some clues.

Wow, that's awful. I can't believe he laughed?! Just do your job and no more pleasantries I.e. favours/overtime/newspaper.

Will do. Thanks.

Oh dear...
Have you ever made any comments about not liking Indian Cuisine OP?

Hm. OP ignoring pertinent questions again.

Tbh, sometimes people just aren’t the right vibe for your party. You can be upset by it, but it is what it is.

Yes one wonders how he'd know the op wouldn't like the food. Unless she'd mentioned it previously of course, which would explain things.

Have you asked any colleagues op for their take on your exclusion from this man's party. The man with the thick accent who has BO and picks his ears and nose?

It's relevant to a pp's question about why he might be inviting colleagues to a housewarming, if he didn't grow up in the UK and hence doesn't have a lot of childhood friends and family around.

OP, this is getting ever more mysterious. Now you suddenly actively dislike this man, he has BO and picks his nose and ears, and you're still massively pissed off a man you don't like didn't invite you to a party you weren't going to be able to go to. Think about it. What is really bothering you so much about this situation?

And it seems now he has a "thick accent" as well....

Curiouser and curiouser...🤔

Yup. I think it’s very obvious OP has in some way made her distaste known. This man rightfully did not want this person inside his new home, where his accent, food, and whatever particular smells he chooses are King.

If I had seen a colleague turn their nose at my home cooked lunch and I knew I was serving that cuisine at my party, I likely wouldn’t invite them either. Why have someone drive for 30 miles to judge you when you already get it free every day with your paper 😏

Wow that's just awful. How rude.

He's obviously got a big problem with you, to invite every single person but you. And to mention that you would be invited and then not to invite you.

I would distance myself from him now. I wouldn't even speak to him unless it's to
do with work and even then it would be minimal.

'Wow that's just awful. How rude'

What, to say someone is from South India so has a thick accent, has B.O and 'picks his ears and nose yuk'?

Yes I agree, just awful. I don't know why the op was wondering why they weren't invited to his party tbh.