I wasn't invited to my coworker's house warming party

[user1471867483]

Everyone in my office was invited except me. I live 30 miles away so really I couldn't have made it, but I would've bought him a house warming gift. He said he'd invite me, but I only knew he had the party just this weekend as everyone in the office is talking about it now and I can't join in as in the end I wasn't invited. I feel so embarrassed. He has the day off today. I feel rejected and left out. Am I being too sensitive? The others live nearer him (so maybe they could have made it there better than me) and one lives far away from him like I do, but he still he got invited 🤔

Buy him a housewarming present anyway. Coals on head.

I had this. Everyone was invited to a co-workers baby shower but I wasn't. They all said they loved working with me and were happy to see me when I was working alongside them but then I got snubbed for something outside of work. It absolutely sucks. I feel your pain 😞

It's the negativity I don't comprehend.

You may live and work in the area you grew up in, but we don't. I have made friends through hobbies, neighbours, joining a fundraising charity and work because we live nowhere near schoolfriends or family.

DD's godfather is an ex workmate of DH's

OK. I agree.

Another in my office lives even further away and he still got invited. I just have to accept his reasons and move on from this. He verbally asked if I'd be interested and I told him that it's a lovely idea and he said he'd do the invites.

I didn't bring in any Metro this morning for him btw! And no more helpful work favours anymore either.

Nah. His loss now.

Huh?

Please let us know if he says anything OP
Things like this always make me feel bad and remember being left out of things myself. I always blame myself and find it hard to move on. I hope you will be better at that than me

Thank you so much. It's lovely when someone else can empathise.

Like I said before, it's like history repeating itself and it goes back to an occasion when I was about 9 years old in my primary school when half our class went on a school trip for a week and my name was the only one missed off the 'welcome back' poster the other school pupils made for the returnees, but I have loads and loads of examples. It's just something that's followed me into adulthood (exclusion).
Thank you again xxxx

Group dynamics are odd as fuck, it happens all the time.

Some people definitely deliberately try to publicly exclude others as a way of placing themselves higher in the social hierarchy. They try to project their own insecurities onto others.

I wonder if the guy is insecure about being in a new place/feels like an outsider/low status himself so he's now trying to set himself up as the cool person who excludes the OP?

He wants to socially Wendy her.

Agree nothing to really can do about it apart from ignore them and focus on your own goals and protect your own interests. No chats or help or even respond to messages (unless it's required for work).

Watch your back around this guy.

This is brilliant. Love this reply. That's it. No more help for him now or Metro's!! xx

Then that’s something you need to deal with off your own bat, rather than blaming a colleague for not issuing a token invitation you to an event you were never planning to attend!

Where did I say I live and work in the area I grew up in? Thankfully I don't (and have little desire to return).

And that is unbelievably petty.

Probably, but I need to work on my confidence.

Why would you do this. You weren't invited, get over it. He doesn't have to explain himself to anyone. This could cause even more 'embarrassment ' for you. Constantly 'embarrassed' people do my head in. Are you irish by any chance as even the men suffer from it here. Move on, grow up and stop being so sensitive.

Are you ok? Did you just write a reply for the sake of being rude? There was a party with guests .. there was a party with guests!! 🙄🙄🙄 he's clearly set up for guests 🤦‍♀️

Have you asked him why yet?

He's on leave still I believe. I've not seen him since last week. I'll leave it now. I need to move on from this for my own well being.

I am an Irish person living in Ireland, and this makes no sense. The only person the OP would be ‘embarrassing’ would be herself if she asked her colleague why he didn’t invite her to a party she was never going to attend, and I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone of any nationality who would have been this outraged about such a non-event.

If the OP is still traumatised by an exclusion that happened when she was nine, she needs to deal with that, so that she’s not posting on the internet in high dudgeon about a coworker who didn’t invite her to a distant housewarming she wasn’t ever going to go to, and is now refusing to bring him a free newspaper from her commute as ‘punishment’.

Had a little smile at “ obliviously” OP

Well no more Ms Nice Girl.

In this sort of instance unless you have had issue previously I'd assume an error. Missed you off the group or you didn't see a message etc.

I wouldn’t class giving someone a free newspaper from my commute as some kind of act of insane generosity, and surely helping a foreign colleague with a phonecall if he’s struggling to be understood is part of the job?

And if your intention is to punish him in a passive-aggressive way for not inviting you, where he’s supposed to have some kind of epiphany and exclaim ‘No Metro today! Clearly X is expressing her upset at the lack of invitation!”, I think that’s deeply unlikely.

Then it’s quite irrelevant that you didn’t bring a metro in, isn’t it..?