I wasn't invited to my coworker's house warming party

[user1471867483]

Everyone in my office was invited except me. I live 30 miles away so really I couldn't have made it, but I would've bought him a house warming gift. He said he'd invite me, but I only knew he had the party just this weekend as everyone in the office is talking about it now and I can't join in as in the end I wasn't invited. I feel so embarrassed. He has the day off today. I feel rejected and left out. Am I being too sensitive? The others live nearer him (so maybe they could have made it there better than me) and one lives far away from him like I do, but he still he got invited 🤔

Unlike you, I like and am friends with some of my co-workers.

I have never been able to understand the MN narrative that you should never make friends at work. It's such an insular way to look at life.

I've always preferred to keep work life separate from private life. You don't. Neither of us are wrong.

Same here…friendly to all, friend to none. I’ve seen what happens when they all fall out, it’s brutal!

Expect for the fact that another colleague who lives equally far away was invited?

When he said he was going to invite you did you say you live a long way away and it would be difficult? If you did he may have thought it was easier not to invite you if you were going to then have to decline. Just crossed you off the list at that point, no malice intended.

I'd have invited you, mentioned I knew you lived a distance away so no offence taken if you felt it was to far, then the choice is there for you to decide whether you could come or decline the offer.

It could have been a simple oversight.
Did you say to him that the distance would be an issue? Or say anything which could have been interpreted as ‘I probably won’t come it’s a bit far’.
You won’t know unless you ask him.

Your attitude here is probably why he didn't invite you. Time for some self reflection?

Agree with this! Some of my closest friends started off as colleagues!

It might be the case he didn't have room for everyone from work. I hope you don't worry too much OP.

Well it seems he was set up for all the other guests.

Why is the concept of being both a workmate and a friend so difficult for some to comprehend?

Maybe there's some insight in this post......

Agreed.

Because someone who also lived a long way away WAS invited? And he must be set up for guests as he had a party!!

I'd change helpful for those who martyr themselves when it's not been asked for and then are surprised that doesn't get them reciprocity. Usually linked to poor childhood experiences and trauma but something to be very aware of and make sure one does a lot of work on to avoid. You can't "nice" or "helpful" your way into people liking you.

Your original question though op, I agree bad form if he said e would invite you but perhaps he is a people pleaser as well........

and one lives far away from him like I do, but he still he got invited 🤔

I would rather eat my own shoes than go to a co-workers house warming.

Being the only one in a group to be excluded from a social event is awful; I feel your hurt OP.
My first thought in your opening post is that he's a man, and men often don't have the same thoughts about inclusion as many women have, e.g. thinking of their DC and wanting them to have friends and being acutely aware of them not being included etc...
They oftentimes don't get how others can feel excluded, he's maybe a matter-of-fact, practical sort who unfortunately assumed you were the same and wouldn't think of driving that far? He himself likely wouldn't drive that far on his time off to attend an event.
Maybe, as you have a history of feeling excluded,(and I don't say that in a mean way at all) you hung back a bit, waiting to be invited while others kept current with him, and he felt they were interested?
It would likely be a surprise to him if you did outright tell him you would have liked to have been invited. Unfortunately, unless you address this soon with him privately, you might feel uneasy and resentful toward him and he won't even get why.

Thi happened to me too. A colleague got married and invited the whole office (even the new girl) but not me. A beautiful printed invitation on all desks, except mine! Very humiliating and upsetting. All the concerned looks from other colleagues felt embarrassing too. I was very upset as I thought we were friends, I knew her very well. Lesson learned, she obviously didn't like me. I stopped being nice to her and just got on with my job. When they had a collection for her leaving gift I said, no thanks! Stop giving him the Metro. If he asks just say, sorry couldn't get one.

Why are difficult views so difficult for some people to comprehend?

Oh well, at least you don't have to do any of that anymore!

You've mentioned some insecurities you have as a result of your childhood, and you may also have people-pleasing tendencies (bringing in the Metro everyday etc), so I would be focussing on developing your assertiveness and sense of self worth.

I don't think the distance has anything to do with it and is a red-herring. You said he told you that you would be invited but you were not. In that scenario it is perfectly acceptable to say calmly but confidently "I was sorry not to receive an invitation in the end after you told me to expect one, was it an oversight?" and leave it with him.

You should NOT feel any discomfort at all, it is all down to his communication issue. Don't be afraid to communicate clearly yourself.

Perhaps that guy had told the host he’d like to go, or was going to be in the neighbourhood! Any number of reasons. The OP was never going to go! O cannot get past the sheer juvenile silliness of pitching an online fit about not getting an invitation to an event she was never going to attend.

Stop helping him. I would do nothing for him now.