Page 34 | Tutor canceled lessons!

grassisgreener2015 · 2025-02-10T08:13:54+00:00

AIBU to think our (now ex) tutor has behaved unreasonably? Our 11 plus tutor charges monthly in advance and I stupidly forgot to pay for February's lessons on time. She did remind me once about the invoice but it just slipped my mind as it's been a really busy few weeks. We turned up for our lesson on Friday and she actually turned us away and had arranged for another family to take our place! I feel really embarrassed as the other family are from our school and they were there when she sent us away. We've been having lessons since September and I've only paid late once on one other occasion. We've cancelled very few lessons and we're really pleased with our child's progress. I think the tutor has been really impatient and quite frankly, rude! Surely someone working with children should be kinder than this and could have given us some leeway?

treesandsun · 13/02/2025 18:07

I can scarcely believe this is still going on or your response. It is not a genuine apology because you are only apologising to try and get what you want. You continue to make digs at the tutor who has done nothing wrong.
You said you were embarrassed that the other parent was there when you were turned away and now are going to suggest she shares the slot with you!!! wtf.

The tutor is not going to go for that and you will be even more embarrassed when the other parent even if she was agreeable finds out that is not going to happen.

The tutor is not going to change her mind. Leave her alone.

Casperroonie · 13/02/2025 18:10

OMG. Talking to a wall 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. She still won't leave the tutor alone and now harassing other parents 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣.

Reallyneedsaholiday · 13/02/2025 18:12

But you are NOT “trying to fix this”, if you were, you’d have settled for the flowers and an abject apology for being such an embarrassment to the school where you supposedly work. I think the best you can hope for is that the tutor doesn’t get a restraining order against you and that you don’t lose your job over a harassment charge.

TwistedWonder · 13/02/2025 18:13

This can’t be real. No one can be that deluded, entitled and absolutely lacking in any self awareness whatsoever so ever.

krustykittens · 13/02/2025 18:16

@TwistedWonder You would think so and yet, here we are.....

Casperroonie · 13/02/2025 18:16

LookItsMeAgain · 13/02/2025 16:51

@grassisgreener2015 - you really don't get it, do you??? I'm gobsmacked at your brazen behaviour.

"I've popped a card through the tutor's door apologizing yet again and nicely asking her to reconsider. No reply yet. I'm wondering if she might consider us sharing the lesson with the new family and going halves on the cost so I'm going to suggest this to the other mum next time I see her."

Do not suggest this to the other parents. They are nothing to you and if they have their heads screwed on properly they will tell you where to go! They would end up sharing time, which is currently at a 1-to-1 basis with this tutor (who by all intents and purposes is quite good because you really want your child to go to them) so why would they willingly give up 50% of the time with this wonderful tutor?

THE TUTOR DOESN'T HAVE TO RECONSIDER.
THE FAMILY DON'T HAVE TO EVEN CONSIDER YOUR SUGGESTION.

You, by your laziness/forgetfulness/whatever, by not paying in time, vacated your place with this tutor.
Had you paid in time, this wouldn't be an issue, but you didn't.

Yet you persist in hassling this tutor, begging for your place back.
Your place doesn't exist any more with this tutor.
Some other fortunate family now has that time slot with this tutor.

As for this gem - "It's such a pity if the tutor can't get past this." I would counter that with It's such a pity that @grassisgreener2015 can't let this go, due to their failure to both read the fine print and also pay in time.

Leave it be. For the love of God and all that is holy in this world, leave it BE!

Edited

Hahaha omg this lady is something else. Scary at the same time though, do you think she'll stalk the tutor?!?!?! My money is on yes 😶😶😶🙈🙈

TheignT · 13/02/2025 18:17

How long was the lesson, probably an hour and you have to get him there and then pick him up. I bet you could do an hour with him. My 4 all got to grammar school without ever seeing a tutor. Why not give it a go? I'm sure you can do it.

2025willbemytime · 13/02/2025 18:19

OMG. Do NOT try and emotionally blackmail the person who got the slot to share. Bloody hell. Do you have any sense of what's right and wrong?! And do you think the tutor would agree?! There's no sharing. You do realise you
would still have to pay full charge or do you think that should be halved now you have to share the tutor? You won't get to share anyway.

ScrubbedCauliflower · 13/02/2025 18:24

Umbilicat · 13/02/2025 15:39

LOL, you should be a comedian OP.

You're suggesting sharing lessons. The tutor doesn't want any more to do with you!

You're still blaming the tutor for punishing your child and not being able to "get past this." This is on you!!!

Then you're using subtle blackmail saying how many referalls she'd have from you. SHE DOESN'T NEED THEM, She's clearly a very good professional with enough clients who pay on time to not require your patronage in any form.

Look forward to the day your work starts saying they'll pay you when they remember and what a shame you can't get past this.

Spot on. OP do you not realise how you’re coming across? I think like many others the tutor is well rid of you. You need to have a good hard realistic look at yourself,

MajorCarolDanvers · 13/02/2025 18:26

OP you are going to feature as an example in every cheeky fucker thread on MN

mN fame

Justalittlehandhold · 13/02/2025 18:27

grassisgreener2015 · 13/02/2025 15:34

Thanks everyone for the replies. I didn't go round there in person, I realise that might not have gone down well.

I've popped a card through the tutor's door apologizing yet again and nicely asking her to reconsider. No reply yet. I'm wondering if she might consider us sharing the lesson with the new family and going halves on the cost so I'm going to suggest this to the other mum next time I see her.

I'm still searching for a suitable replacement and don't have time to tutor my child myself. They are so upset to have had their lessons canceled when theyve done nothing wrong! I'm really hoping we can come to some arrangement to continue.

It's such a pity if the tutor can't get past this. I work in a school and would have passed many referrals her way. Hopefully I'll hear from her soon. I do accept I was wrong to forget to pay.

Oh give over! You’re manipulative and your post is all about you!

I’m not bad
i’m busy
I’m paid less than her
I’m child centric

Why would anyone want to share their tutor time with you, it also wouldn’t be half price, which you well know and are being totally goady!!

How unsurprising of you!

MrsSunshine2b · 13/02/2025 18:28

grassisgreener2015 · 10/02/2025 17:30

I'm not a troll. Just someone who has made a genuine mistake and was feeling angry but is now regretting that.

Thank you for all your comments. I think working in a school, I'm so focused on being child centered and concentrating on the child's needs that I hadn't seen it from the point of view that the tutor is more money oriented. She certainly earns more per hour than I do though! Maybe I'm in the wrong job!

I will be apologizing to the tutor properly. I think I'll pop round with some flowers and see if I can persuade her to give us another chance. All the other options seem to be online which just won't suit my child, or groups which I'm not keen on. Our tutor has a lovely heated wooden cabin in her garden and offers lots of hands on learning, which is exactly what my child needs. There's no way they'd concentrate properly on Zoom. They'd probably just wander off! 🤣

In the kindest possible way @grassisgreener2015 , if she is in Y6 but not yet able to focus for an hour on Zoom then Grammar School isn't likely to be the best environment for her, even if she is able to pass the entrance exam.

Justalittlehandhold · 13/02/2025 18:29

grassisgreener2015 · 13/02/2025 16:35

I've admitted I made a mistake! And now I'm trying to fix it.

Why so unpleasant?

Edited

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Because it’s hard to believe you’ve got so little self awareness?

Why so nasty and snippy to the tutor? Because you fucked up?

Umidontknow · 13/02/2025 18:31

Dear god 😆 this has got to be a wind up! So now you want her to do twice the work for half the price 😆. And you did go round in person of you put a card through her door. LEAVE THE POOR WOMAN ALONE! And leave the other mum alone you giant weirdo. I can not stress this enough you are not doing her a favour, we get you work in a school, she clearly doesn't need you to send business her way as she instantly replaced you 😆

Justalittlehandhold · 13/02/2025 18:33

Umidontknow · 13/02/2025 18:31

Dear god 😆 this has got to be a wind up! So now you want her to do twice the work for half the price 😆. And you did go round in person of you put a card through her door. LEAVE THE POOR WOMAN ALONE! And leave the other mum alone you giant weirdo. I can not stress this enough you are not doing her a favour, we get you work in a school, she clearly doesn't need you to send business her way as she instantly replaced you 😆

Edited

Maybe OP could rope in a few more and get a further discount!

TheAmusedQuail · 13/02/2025 18:35

Really good tutors are like gold dust. Parents feel that because they're paying, they are in charge. No. If you find a good one be deferential and grateful.

republicofjam · 13/02/2025 18:47

grassisgreener2015 · 13/02/2025 15:34

Thanks everyone for the replies. I didn't go round there in person, I realise that might not have gone down well.

I've popped a card through the tutor's door apologizing yet again and nicely asking her to reconsider. No reply yet. I'm wondering if she might consider us sharing the lesson with the new family and going halves on the cost so I'm going to suggest this to the other mum next time I see her.

I'm still searching for a suitable replacement and don't have time to tutor my child myself. They are so upset to have had their lessons canceled when theyve done nothing wrong! I'm really hoping we can come to some arrangement to continue.

It's such a pity if the tutor can't get past this. I work in a school and would have passed many referrals her way. Hopefully I'll hear from her soon. I do accept I was wrong to forget to pay.

Bless you, I really wouldn't worry about the tutor you are so desperate to re-engage missing out on your " many referrals". Besides, in fairness, would it really be that "many"? Parent contact within your job role in the school must be fairly limited on account of the hours. Happy to be corrected but surely most of the cleaning is done whilst the school is closed.

LookItsMeAgain · 13/02/2025 18:58

Just thinking about it - if you're referring your pupils to any tutor, is that not an admission that your teaching skills aren't up to much and they might do better with someone on a one-to-one basis?
Yikes.
That's not a good look at all.
😆😂😆😂

willstarttomorrow · 13/02/2025 19:04

OP, it has all been said in the several pages of responses as to why you are being unreasonable. However what seems to have got lost is basically you broke the contract and essentially take umbrage at the tutor's totally reasonable expectation to be paid for her work. Most of us expect to be paid and on time because we have bills to pay.

This is why I could never be self-employed, it reads like you consider the tutor as 'staff' and grateful for your patronage. You also mentioned you have been late paying before on one occasion and have missed some lessons. If every parent behaved like it is okay to be 'forgetful' and just put things off then the tutor's income would be zero. And they are not running a charity. You have probably not been the first to take the piss and likely not the last. Hence boundaries in place, just like any other business transaction. Like any other small business, she will have heard it all before.

TheMeasure · 13/02/2025 19:09

LookItsMeAgain · 13/02/2025 18:58

Just thinking about it - if you're referring your pupils to any tutor, is that not an admission that your teaching skills aren't up to much and they might do better with someone on a one-to-one basis?
Yikes.
That's not a good look at all.
😆😂😆😂

I'm not defending the OP one bit and think she's behaving in a high-handed and arrogant manner.
But it's not correct to assume that the need for a tutor is a reflection of the quality (or lack of it) of the school staff's teaching skills. And this is for 11+ tutoring too, which is a different thing.
Class teachers are often asked by parents if their child might benefit from tutoring and if they can recommend anyone. We tend not to do so and recommendations are more likely to be from other parents.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 13/02/2025 19:44

grassisgreener2015 · 13/02/2025 15:34

Thanks everyone for the replies. I didn't go round there in person, I realise that might not have gone down well.

I've popped a card through the tutor's door apologizing yet again and nicely asking her to reconsider. No reply yet. I'm wondering if she might consider us sharing the lesson with the new family and going halves on the cost so I'm going to suggest this to the other mum next time I see her.

I'm still searching for a suitable replacement and don't have time to tutor my child myself. They are so upset to have had their lessons canceled when theyve done nothing wrong! I'm really hoping we can come to some arrangement to continue.

It's such a pity if the tutor can't get past this. I work in a school and would have passed many referrals her way. Hopefully I'll hear from her soon. I do accept I was wrong to forget to pay.

Do not approach the other mum. You need to accept that you are not going to get your own way this time. You messed up, just accept the consequences and move on.

Why should the tutor “get past” this? You’re not an attractive prospect as a client. Having to chase clients for money is stressful. And she clearly doesn’t need you to refer anyone to her since she has replaced you so easily.

mumedu · 13/02/2025 20:00

Tolkienista · 13/02/2025 15:50

Time to move on OP.
Just put it behind you & please don't suggest sharing sessions, I doubt the other pupil's family would want that.
I certainly wouldn't.
You've undoubtedly learnt a lot in the process, life doesn't always turn out the way you anticipated.

Yup. The world doesn't owe you anything OP.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 13/02/2025 20:00

grassisgreener2015 · 13/02/2025 16:35

I've admitted I made a mistake! And now I'm trying to fix it.

Why so unpleasant?

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Because you're still thinking the tutor is unreasonable.

"...if she can't get past this..."
"...I would have referred people to her..." Why wouldn't you still if she is a good tutor?

You can't approach the other parent, splitting the lesson is down to the tutor, not you.

mumedu · 13/02/2025 20:02

TheAmusedQuail · 13/02/2025 18:35

Really good tutors are like gold dust. Parents feel that because they're paying, they are in charge. No. If you find a good one be deferential and grateful.

This, 100%. Treat educators with the respect they deserve.

Bestwishes23 · 13/02/2025 20:08

So... The OP had her contract with the tutor terminated due to occasions of late payment, she then harasses the tutor to establish the tutoring, and is now slyly organising cheaper lessons without the consent of the tutor. The lack of self-awareness is unbelievable.