Tutor canceled lessons!

[grassisgreener2015]

AIBU to think our (now ex) tutor has behaved unreasonably?

Our 11 plus tutor charges monthly in advance and I stupidly forgot to pay for February's lessons on time. She did remind me once about the invoice but it just slipped my mind as it's been a really busy few weeks.

We turned up for our lesson on Friday and she actually turned us away and had arranged for another family to take our place! I feel really embarrassed as the other family are from our school and they were there when she sent us away.

We've been having lessons since September and I've only paid late once on one other occasion. We've cancelled very few lessons and we're really pleased with our child's progress.

I think the tutor has been really impatient and quite frankly, rude! Surely someone working with children should be kinder than this and could have given us some leeway?

Just bear in mind that you cancelled the lessons, not the tutor. And if I was the other mum I would be disinclined to share lessons with someone who was not good at paying properly. You're a cf to ask her, actually.

You have already made a massive tit of yourself in front of the other mum; are you really going to compound that by asking her to share lessons, when the tutor almost certainly won't agree to that?

If you are, then please film that conversation and upload it to the thread.

@grassisgreener2015 - you really don't get it, do you??? I'm gobsmacked at your brazen behaviour.

"I've popped a card through the tutor's door apologizing yet again and nicely asking her to reconsider. No reply yet. I'm wondering if she might consider us sharing the lesson with the new family and going halves on the cost so I'm going to suggest this to the other mum next time I see her."

Do not suggest this to the other parents. They are nothing to you and if they have their heads screwed on properly they will tell you where to go! They would end up sharing time, which is currently at a 1-to-1 basis with this tutor (who by all intents and purposes is quite good because you really want your child to go to them) so why would they willingly give up 50% of the time with this wonderful tutor?

THE TUTOR DOESN'T HAVE TO RECONSIDER.
THE FAMILY DON'T HAVE TO EVEN CONSIDER YOUR SUGGESTION.

You, by your laziness/forgetfulness/whatever, by not paying in time, vacated your place with this tutor.
Had you paid in time, this wouldn't be an issue, but you didn't.

Yet you persist in hassling this tutor, begging for your place back.
Your place doesn't exist any more with this tutor.
Some other fortunate family now has that time slot with this tutor.

As for this gem - "It's such a pity if the tutor can't get past this." I would counter that with It's such a pity that @grassisgreener2015 can't let this go, due to their failure to both read the fine print and also pay in time.

Leave it be. For the love of God and all that is holy in this world, leave it BE!

@LookItsMeAgain I think that you and everyone else giving this advice, is wasting their time. You couldn't dent the OP's neck and she has no notion that she is being a CF. She really thinks that not giving her own way is to wrong her, regardless of her behaviour.

You are not understanding that you CANNOT fix this, @grassisgreener2015. You have irrevocably broken the relationship with the tutor - it is 100% your fault.

And now you want to muscle in on another child’s 1 on1 lessons. Why should another parent willingly agree to halving their child’s time with/attention from the tutor - even IF the tutor agrees to the arrangement - which I doubt she will, due to your irrevocable breaking of the relationship.

Your repeated digs at the tutor are looking increasingly bitter and petty. And I have to wonder, if she truly is as dreadful as you say she is, why, oh why are you so desperate to get your child back in her classes?

No, you're not.
You're still focused on this particular tutor. You won't let this particular tutor go so you are now harassing this particular tutor.

Fixing it would mean

• leaving this particular tutor the fuck alone
• Leaving the parents of the child who is now being tutored in the time slot you previously had ALONE
• Finding an alternative solution that doesn't in any way shape or form involve this tutor or the other families involved.

That is what fixing the situation you made will involve.

What the fuck is wrong with you? How can anyone actually be THIS un self aware

Stop blaming her because you’re shit at life admin. Blame yourself and move on. Fuck me

@grassisgreener2015 but why though? Someone as unkind as this teacher shouldn't be working with children no? You said so yourself? Why you are going through so much trouble to have your child tutored by someone who shouldn't be working with children beats me 🤷🏻‍♀️. The teacher is not going to agree to tutoring two children for the price of one, esp not when you are trying to manipulate her clients so that you and your child can get in through the back door. The bloody cheek you have! The other parent might think you are a bit loopy , and you might earn a reputation in school too. Just leave it. The only person who needs to "move past this" is you. Find a different tutor. Live and learn. You'll start scaring her, if you haven't scared her off already!

OP, the tutor doesn't need your referrals - she's doing perfectly well for herself - as the speed with which she was able to fill your child's lesson slot shows.

So looking forward to this being a reverse?!! Surely?!

You can't fix it. She doesn't want you. The more you try, the worse you make things.
She doesn't need your referrals, she's fully booked without it. She doesn't want to speak to you, email you, reply to cards.

You are so fixated on what YOU want you can't see anything else.

Why would a tutor accept two children in a slot for one? Why would a family that have managed to get a slot for their child willingly share it and only get half the attention? Most crucially, why would a self employed person who has dumped a client for nonpayment even want to see that person again, never mind make accomodations for her??

For all that's sacred, just drop it. Keep trying to find a replacement and consider it a lesson learned.

But you're not accepting that you can't fix it OP. The tutor doesn't need your DC - she's clearly an excellent tutor with a waiting list. It's a pity you didn't realise this until you took her for granted and she showed you where her boundaries are. Maybe just accept that if your DC can't make it to Grammar school without tutoring, then it's probably not the right learning environment for them?

We're all awaiting the AIBU by the tutor, right?

I work in a school and would have passed many referrals her way.

That reminds me of a client that I recently sacked. They passed many referrals my way. The best one was the lady who never rang back after the initial consultation.

Please don't bully the other mum in to sharing with you.

That would be demonstrably unfair.

I think you might have missed the development part of the brain where you develop an ability to think about others. Empathy. You don't have it. Which is fine, no one is perfect. But because of this, I would advise you start taking advice from other people about how to act in situations.

In this one. Leave the tutor alone. Leave the new mum alone. Try to find a new tutor. Apologise to your child and explain your mistake.

Me too. I considered a derailed reply, but there is no point is there?

I cannot believe that this is a real post, written by a real adult in the real world.

The tutor terminated the lessons because you are unreliable. Your actions have led to your child no longer being tutored by this woman, who clearly does not want to tutor your child. This is how life works. Trying to talk her round makes you sound like a spoilt child who is used to getting her own way.

Lol you're trying to fix it for yourself!

@StrikeAlways No point, no. The way OP is fixated on getting their own way here is actually really sinister. They won’t be working in a school much longer if they start harassing tutors and other parents. They would be very wise to take the advice of basically everyone here and leave them all alone.

This can’t really be what you did? I already thought you had no self awareness, but this. After all the posts, all the advice, you have taken none of it on board.

A card ( via the postman) of apology was more than enough. You have asked again for tutoring, when she knows you are a non payer. Now you are suggesting she teaches two for one ! Please tell me you haven’t suggested this to the other parents.

Please read what almost everyone has said, then think about it. After that look for another tutor, and maybe set up a direct payment this time.

It's such a pity if the tutor can't get past this.

But she has got past it. She replaced you. She's not agonising over whether to give you a second chance. You're gone now.

She's shaking her head and thinking she's dodged a bullet. Your child is no more or less important to her than any other child she tutors, has tutored or will tutor in the future.

She has no need to 'get past it' in the way you want her to.

I have rarely read such entitled posts, with such a lack of self-awareness.The snide comments about this poor woman, who after all, only wants to pay her mortgage, are nasty in the extreme - especially the one about why she is no longer a classroom teacher.That was vile and totally uncalled for. I can't understand how you can be "too busy" to tutor your child yourself. You "work in a school", and presumably have short hours (after all, since you are not a teacher you don't take home 2-3 hours of marking and planning every night). You have holidays, yes? Free weekends, with no marking and prep?

I had a child who was chronically ill for years, and confined to bed supplied with Correspondence School material. I used to work, living in, in an independent boys' boarding school, as a Head of Department. I was also House matron to 70 teenaged boys. Two jobs, long hours, energy-devouring. After I had ensured the junior boys were in bed and lights out, I tutored my DD (aged13) for an hour, sorted the House laundry, and then sat down to do my planning and marking until midnight. Saturday school, games on Saturday afternoon, (I was a swimming coach) compulsory morning chapel on Sundays. Ex refused to leave the home, so I had no choice. Half-term and long holidays were my saving grace. See, OP, you CAN tutor your child if you put your mind to it. Frankly, however, I think you lack the ability. In so many ways, not necessarily academic.

Exactly. She'll find herself in front of the SLT soon.

@grassisgreener2015 That isn't how shared lessons work. It's not exactly the same price as a 121 lesson.

If a 121 is £50, a shared lesson would be £30 or £35 each.

Do not be mean about this. You've already annoyed her big time. THIS is the time to appear generous.

And it sounds as if the quality of her work speaks for itself, if she's already overbooked. I'm not sure she'd need your referrals.

You can't fix this. Move on and leave the woman alone.