Tutor canceled lessons!

[grassisgreener2015]

AIBU to think our (now ex) tutor has behaved unreasonably?

Our 11 plus tutor charges monthly in advance and I stupidly forgot to pay for February's lessons on time. She did remind me once about the invoice but it just slipped my mind as it's been a really busy few weeks.

We turned up for our lesson on Friday and she actually turned us away and had arranged for another family to take our place! I feel really embarrassed as the other family are from our school and they were there when she sent us away.

We've been having lessons since September and I've only paid late once on one other occasion. We've cancelled very few lessons and we're really pleased with our child's progress.

I think the tutor has been really impatient and quite frankly, rude! Surely someone working with children should be kinder than this and could have given us some leeway?

I don't think it will even be a minor irritation. After all, the OP isn't "money oriented".

So if all pupils are adequately prepared by their state primaries to give them a fully equal opportunity to succeed at the 11+, based solely on their ability, why would anyone need to pay for private tuition at all?

You are right, @cheeseismydownfall - although primary schools used to prepare children for the 11+, they don't any more. All three of my dses took the 11+, in 03, 05 and 07, and none of them received any 11+ tuition at school.

Basically they had a mix of tutoring from us, using the 11+ practice books and some private tutoring. Ds1 and ds2 passed with high enough marks to get to the grammar schools, but ds3 didn't. Luckily, when he was 11, we moved to Scotland, and the local comprehensive was one of the best in Scotland, and all three went there and flourished.

State schools don’t prepare for grammar in our area. Some offer a lunchtime club. They need to have covered all yr6 maths by 3 weeks into yr 6 when they sit test and do verbal reasoning which isn’t taught in state and be familiar with format and exam technique - so putting cross in box, don’t leave any blank, 1 minute a question and move on etc. So yes parents use tutors or diy prep with books.
My mum in 1950s state primary school was moved up a year and had grammar prep classes with the headmaster in a small group so prepping for test isn’t a new thing.

So because you didn't adhere to the contract you're now saying she's unsuitable to.work with children.

You're more than unhinged, you're dangerous.

Many children take 11+ type exams to enter private schools in year 7. The content of these exams is not all taught at state school.

That's completely different, I don't think anyone is claiming that independent schools increase social mobility, and tax payers aren't paying for them.

Grammar schools are state funded and should be equally accessible to any child based on ability and irrespective of background. The whole concept is fundamentally flawed because many parents who have the means to do so will (understandably) game the system to give their children an advantage.

And the OP specifically references that she is talking about grammar entry 🙍

The problem is not parents “gaming” the system. The issue is Government not providing enough funding to tailor education for each and every child appropriately, instead they have chosen huge class sizes and high demands on all. So people flock to the better schools with a better catchment, be that grammar or an expensive comp. Until they fund all SEND properly and really fund children who come from poorer backgrounds with useless parents, nothing is going to change.

Thanks everyone for the replies. I didn't go round there in person, I realise that might not have gone down well.

I've popped a card through the tutor's door apologizing yet again and nicely asking her to reconsider. No reply yet. I'm wondering if she might consider us sharing the lesson with the new family and going halves on the cost so I'm going to suggest this to the other mum next time I see her.

I'm still searching for a suitable replacement and don't have time to tutor my child myself. They are so upset to have had their lessons canceled when theyve done nothing wrong! I'm really hoping we can come to some arrangement to continue.

It's such a pity if the tutor can't get past this. I work in a school and would have passed many referrals her way. Hopefully I'll hear from her soon. I do accept I was wrong to forget to pay.

LOL, you should be a comedian OP.

You're suggesting sharing lessons. The tutor doesn't want any more to do with you!

You're still blaming the tutor for punishing your child and not being able to "get past this." This is on you!!!

Then you're using subtle blackmail saying how many referalls she'd have from you. SHE DOESN'T NEED THEM, She's clearly a very good professional with enough clients who pay on time to not require your patronage in any form.

Look forward to the day your work starts saying they'll pay you when they remember and what a shame you can't get past this.

OP it really is time to move on from this particular tutor and stop casting aspersions at her 'not get[ing] past this'. I would be very surprised if you get a reply. Look for another tutor and as a teacher and one time tutor I can tell you that online tutoring can work really well.

It sounds like she doesn't need your 'referrals' as you have found out.

I imagine it will all work out in the end.

Also, just to reply to some of the posts about grammar preparation earlier in the thread. I live in a grammar area and the state primaries do not run preparation sessions. The most noticeable gap would be Non Verbal Reasoning.

I'm not surprised the tutor hasn't replied to your card. She evidently wants nothing more to do with you.
I hope the other mum tells you where to go if you suggest shared lessons to her. In any case the tutor might not want to do it, and even if she did I'm sure she'd charge an increased rate for two students at the same time.

Don't try to bully the other Mum, even if she agreed, the tutor will not, because you were dropped because you don't pay your bills on time.

This will upset more people and embarrass you further. Let it go.

Its funny you have a pop at others for not being sufficiently 'child centred' and yet you can't find the time to tutor your own child. Hmm.

it looks very much like she's already 'got past it'! I imagine she'll also be happy to carry on with the current plan with the new child rather than go halves with someone as unreliable as you.

It's such a pity if the tutor can't get past this

She has. She doesn't want you as a customer any more. The person who needs to get past this is you.

Nope, I’m out. You’re a lost cause, OP. Christ on a bike.

Time to move on OP.
Just put it behind you & please don't suggest sharing sessions, I doubt the other pupil's family would want that.
I certainly wouldn't.
You've undoubtedly learnt a lot in the process, life doesn't always turn out the way you anticipated.

I'm wondering if she might consider us sharing the lesson with the new family and going halves on the cost so I'm going to suggest this to the other mum next time I see her.

So your new solution is that the tutor should teach 2 children for the price of 1, so essentially 1 child is getting free services?

And that the second child getting their paid tuition should become dependant on you ponying up your half, in circumstances when the other mum knows you’ve defaulted on payment before?

Yeah..: can’t imagine why tutor and other mum wouldn’t snap your hand off at such an opportunity!

@grassisgreener2015 the tutor might think you'll forget to enter your child for the exams, or forget to make sure the child will do their weekly work between tutor sessions. In which case they'd rather put their effort into another family who won't forget, especially if they have a long waiting list. I doubt this tutor s going to take you back, however much you grovel.

I think you may need to look into tutoring your child yourself. There are lots of books available - you need to find the correct ones

You need to reframe this whole fiasco in your mind as "They are so upset to have had their lessons canceled when theyve done nothing wrong! I have messed this up for them."

Leave the tutor alone they have filled that space, accept YOUR full responsibility for this, apologise to your child for YOUR mistake (so they learn from it and don't grow up unable to accept when they make a mistake), find another tutor and set up a standing order to pay them on time!

Stop harrasing the tutor, ffs.

Oh, jolly good stir to the pot OP!

OMG get over it. You pay monthly and have been with her six months. So out of six payments, one was late and one never happened even after a reminder.

She doesn't need you or your referrals. She obviously has a huge waiting list and as you have discovered tutors are popular in your area hence being unable to find an equivalent for your son.

Your slot is gone! Why should the new child suffer and share their slot if their mum pays on time.

Own your mistake and move on

I really don't think the tutor will care about any missed 'referrals' because it sounds like they have plenty of work, with or without your recommendations!

You're the unreliable one, not them. They stuck to the terms of the contract and you didn't.