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Original poster

Why is it not illegal to cheat on someone

382 replies

Miratea · 09/02/2025 13:17

I don’t want to give too many details. I found it pretty traumatising to be lied to. The person went on about how great of a person they were and how they weren’t like other guys. They acted like they cared about me and would be supportive of me. They were exactly like the “other guys” they described, they were a cheat with a number of others waiting in line, got with someone new every 5-6 months and I was nothing special like they’d made me out to be. I found it really traumatising and have trust issues because of it. They really rushed things and then moved on and I never saw them again. They turned on me and started being really nasty towards me. It feels like emotional whiplash. I know it wasn’t my fault but I don’t understand why these men do it

OP posts:
Comtesse · 09/02/2025 14:13

I am sorry you are having a miserable time.

But making having an affair a criminal offence would be a truly terrible idea. The state (or organised religion) has basically no business in anyone’s bedroom.

YouDeserveBetterSoAskForIt · 09/02/2025 14:14

IMO it is a broken contract and should be able to be pursued legally if the other party has proof.

A relationship is a verbal agreement based on boundaries you establish together like monogamy.

There is no reason to cheat. If you don't want to be with someone then leave. If you want sex with others, ask for an open relationship and respect the answer.

I don't believe it should mean prison, but community service would be great. We need some free labour picking up rubbish, UK roads are filthy. And it will give the people time to think about how their actions impact others.

BadSil · 09/02/2025 14:15

BunnyLake · 09/02/2025 14:09

That’s absolutely bloody ridiculous! Give your head a wobble, as they say on MN.

Absurd thought process. There are all sorts of reasons why someone cheats. The one being cheated on is not necessarily an innocent, they could be abusive. I speak as someone who has never cheated on another person so not trying to justify my own behaviour.

Some people are incapable of rational, critical thought. 🙄

Show quote history

Exactly. It would cost the state an absolute fortune to investigate whether Mrs X actually did have sex with the window cleaner. Or do we just take the word of the accuser.

What constitutes cheating? We hear on MN constantly that posters partners are "at the very least having an emotional affair". Would that be punishable? A kiss? A touch?

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 09/02/2025 14:16

onceuponatimelived · 09/02/2025 13:36

It is in places that the Western media deems as backwards and oppressive?

Oh that’s fine then, just let your women get cheated on without repercussions. But it’s those women that media bodies scream are being oppressed and lack freedom/rights? The ones that have governments that protect them by ensuring adultery does not go unpunished.

The West is backwards and always has been and only uneducated, ignorant people feel superior to the truth.

There is only one truth.

But oh, free will, right?

What sort of punishment do you think is suitable? Stoning? Imprisonment?

Jesus Christ, MN is getting worse by the day!

Tubs11 · 09/02/2025 14:17

women cheat too

you picked the wrong guy, dust yourself off and go again

life it way too short to waste your time and energy on this creep, go find one of the good ones

CheezePleeze · 09/02/2025 14:17

Miratea · 09/02/2025 13:56

What’s the point in being in a relationship if you’re just going to cheat Or leave them when you get your head turned

Life changes, people change, relationships change.

People tend not to get into a relationship with the intention of cheating.

It's always a risk but as a woman with full mental capacity, you can choose whether or not to take that risk.

If you don't want to, you're free to stay single as we all are.

Waterweight · 09/02/2025 14:18

Miratea · 09/02/2025 13:20

I’m asking because it can cause a lot of damage to the women that it happens to.it’s like emotional assault

I agree it's very damaging but at the end of the day nobody owes you or others a relationship & being told your special/they'd never cheat is something that obviously works for you emotionally & physically hence why multiple people have played that angle

In the future just assume everybody is doing everybody when it comes to dating & only go as far as your willing to yourself

BestZebbie · 09/02/2025 14:18

I do think it makes a bit of a mockery of marriage as a legal contract if there is no potential 'breach of contract' or 'fraud' consequence in the case of adultery.

The traditional set-up in which a lot of weight is put on vows (which have no legal status) as being 'the wedding' rather than the signing of the register (which creates the inheritance, next of kin etc rights but doesn't comment on how many partners you can have other than that you can only have one current marriage at a time) muddies the waters of common perception in this regard, I think.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 09/02/2025 14:18

YouDeserveBetterSoAskForIt · 09/02/2025 14:14

IMO it is a broken contract and should be able to be pursued legally if the other party has proof.

A relationship is a verbal agreement based on boundaries you establish together like monogamy.

There is no reason to cheat. If you don't want to be with someone then leave. If you want sex with others, ask for an open relationship and respect the answer.

I don't believe it should mean prison, but community service would be great. We need some free labour picking up rubbish, UK roads are filthy. And it will give the people time to think about how their actions impact others.

And how would this proof be obtained? Who is going to pay for all this surveillance, litigation and the additional burden on the judicial system?

NovemberMorn · 09/02/2025 14:18

daysday · 09/02/2025 14:12

Wrong - both parties are. It is actually impossible to textually carry this out as four witnesses are needed who actually saw the act of penetration.

Show quote history

In some backward countries, women are still being stoned to death for adultery..
Can you find a case where a man has been stoned to death for cheating on his wife?

Klovos · 09/02/2025 14:19

We already have laws against this, just sign a contract with witnesses and then sue for breach of contract

Magicpaintbrush · 09/02/2025 14:19

It can't be made illegal, but I totally understand what you mean OP, that people's lives and mental health can be left in tatters and the person (people) who caused that just walk away and leave your life like a pile of rubble. I have experienced it, I know others who have been on the receiving end, and it always results in HUGE amounts of trauma, sometimes PTSD, and takes years to recover from. Even then it changes you and you are never quite the same again.

The way I look at it now is that it just makes me more determined than ever to be a good person, a decent human being, and never ever be responsible for doing that to another person - to break the cycle. There are plenty of us out there who would never cheat or try steal somebody else's partner - I would never do that to another woman. The people that do cheat and show no remorse are truly not worth your time and don't deserve a place in your heart. Some people cheat and are genuinely remorseful and full of regret, I guess that is more of a grey area. The best thing you can do is be proud that you are a good person and make the world a nicer place by continuing to be so. You are far above them, too good for them, they are just too stupid to realise it.

TammyJones · 09/02/2025 14:19

username299 · 09/02/2025 13:23

I'm sorry to hear that. IMO cheating is abusive. I suggest you do the Freedom Programme and read up on red flags. It sounds like he love bombed you and had a history of cheating.

This
Can't be sure isn't this the behaviour of a love bombing Narcissist?
When dating (and also in life ) believe nothing you hear and only half the things you hear.
If someone sat there on the first date telling me how 'wonderful' they are - I'd be thinking:
I'll be the judge of that ( and what a plonker)
Trust has to be earnt and can take many months and sometimes years.
Doesn't mean you are policing them, but you have to pay attention to what they say and do.

Butchyrestingface · 09/02/2025 14:19

daysday · 09/02/2025 14:12

Wrong - both parties are. It is actually impossible to textually carry this out as four witnesses are needed who actually saw the act of penetration.

Show quote history

Right enough, I've never heard about any raging swingers in Iran.

crankytoes · 09/02/2025 14:20

Miratea · 09/02/2025 13:20

I’m asking because it can cause a lot of damage to the women that it happens to.it’s like emotional assault

Firstly infidelity can be men and women. And secondly there a a million reasons why people commit adultery and some of those reasons have huge mitigating circumstances. So of course it shouldn't be illegal. Unless you subscribe to the sorts of cultures that stone women to death for it

AquaPeer · 09/02/2025 14:20

I’m really sorry.

it’s just that life is hard and you can’t legislate the hard stuff away.

TinyGingerCat · 09/02/2025 14:20

I assume all the people supporting this idea are happy to pay the extraordinary amounts of tax that works be needed to fund this?

CheezePleeze · 09/02/2025 14:21

Klovos · 09/02/2025 14:19

We already have laws against this, just sign a contract with witnesses and then sue for breach of contract

And add it to your online dating profile as a warning 😁

Signalbox · 09/02/2025 14:22

Great plan OP if you want to criminalise half the population.

Moveoverdarlin · 09/02/2025 14:22

There are some individuals I know who I honestly couldn’t blame for having an affair.

You don’t mention being married OP, so this person hasn’t committed adultery, let alone done anything illegal.

Can you imagine a bunch of 18 year olds heading off to freshers week at uni and cheating on their boyfriends and girlfriends back home and getting charged for cheating? That’s life! It happens. Most people are hurt at some point. Most people have been second choice at some point. Yeah it’s shit and really hurts, but not illegal.

missmollygreen · 09/02/2025 14:22

Miratea · 09/02/2025 13:20

I’m asking because it can cause a lot of damage to the women that it happens to.it’s like emotional assault

Women do it too, you know?

crankytoes · 09/02/2025 14:23

Added to which you would have to support everything else that goes against the rules of marriage or a monogamous union being a crime also.

So if one person becomes addicted to drugs or alcohol

If one person puts the couple into debt

If one person is an arsehole

If one person stops loving the other. Isn't that in the vows? To love and cherish till blah blah blah...

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 09/02/2025 14:24

Humans lie and betray each other daily in different ways and on so many levels. How could you ever police this? We lie to our children and tell them Santa exists and a tooth fairy and all kinds of (according to adults) white lies. To a child who hasn’t been on the earth very long these lies we tell them are the equivalent of an affair, they shake the very belief systems they’ve held all their lives and show them that the people they trust the most can lie to them repeatedly for years.
So do we lock up every parent who has ever told their child that Santa is real? Or that all their teeth will fall out if they don’t brush their teeth? Of course not.
When it comes to cheating the most we can ever do is have enough respect for ourselves not to tolerate betrayal when we discover it, and to focus on our own emotional resilience to overcome betrayal if it does happen to us. Would you want to be with someone who is only loyal to you because it would be against the law to cheat, or someone who is with you and faithful to you out of their own free will? I don’t think I’d ever trust a partner who was only with me out of fear… that’s no way for anyone to live.

anyoneforhockey · 09/02/2025 14:25

Octavia64 · 09/02/2025 13:25

It used to be, if you were married.

Back in the seventeenth/eighteenth century it was possible to sue people who had sex with your husband/wife.

It was called criminal conversation.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criminal_conversation

There were a lot of problems with it, most obviously that getting actual proof that someone has cheated is a bloody nightmare.

In the 30s when divorce was only for specific reasons like adultery sometimes people who wanted to get divorced would go to a seaside hotel and hire someone to pretend to be their lover. They'd leave loads of evidence, but not necessarily have sex with them. Then they could get divorced by reason of adultery for which there would be lots of evidence.

A lot of lawyers hated it because it made a mockery of the law. These people didn't actually commit adultery they just wanted to get divorced and this was the easiest way.

A friend of mine's grandparents owned a hotel.

When a couple booked in and were followed upstairs by a photographer, then left after about an hour, they knew what it was all about.

As long as they paid the bill they weren't too bothered.

Moveoverdarlin · 09/02/2025 14:25

Coppers won’t come out if your house has been burgled or a 70k car is stolen off your drive. Can you imagine ringing 999 and saying ‘Gary has been cheating on Karen with that Vicky from the Garden Centre!’

’STAY THERE, WE’RE ON OUR WAY!! NEEE NAW NEE NAW NEE NAW

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