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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why is it not illegal to cheat on someone

382 replies

Miratea · 09/02/2025 13:17

I don’t want to give too many details. I found it pretty traumatising to be lied to. The person went on about how great of a person they were and how they weren’t like other guys. They acted like they cared about me and would be supportive of me. They were exactly like the “other guys” they described, they were a cheat with a number of others waiting in line, got with someone new every 5-6 months and I was nothing special like they’d made me out to be. I found it really traumatising and have trust issues because of it. They really rushed things and then moved on and I never saw them again. They turned on me and started being really nasty towards me. It feels like emotional whiplash. I know it wasn’t my fault but I don’t understand why these men do it

OP posts:
Matsukaze · 09/02/2025 13:43

Miratea · 09/02/2025 13:17

I don’t want to give too many details. I found it pretty traumatising to be lied to. The person went on about how great of a person they were and how they weren’t like other guys. They acted like they cared about me and would be supportive of me. They were exactly like the “other guys” they described, they were a cheat with a number of others waiting in line, got with someone new every 5-6 months and I was nothing special like they’d made me out to be. I found it really traumatising and have trust issues because of it. They really rushed things and then moved on and I never saw them again. They turned on me and started being really nasty towards me. It feels like emotional whiplash. I know it wasn’t my fault but I don’t understand why these men do it

Because police don't have resources to deal with crimes as it is without sorting out all the narcissists in existance

rwalker · 09/02/2025 13:43

Because it’s isn’t that clear cut people cheat for sorts of reason including having an abusive partner

Lanzarotelady · 09/02/2025 13:43

How do you legislate against women ( and men ) who cheat to escape a loveless marriage, or a sexless one?

I2amonlyhereforTheBeer · 09/02/2025 13:45

What is it that you want from a relationship with a man? Children, a companion, sex? I think you need to focus more on what your priorities are in life then whether the guy you meet will cheat on you? I often hear of women living to a great old age and putting their secret to longevity down to being single all their life, no kids and whisky at the end of the day. Ever considered just living your best life single?

LlamaDharma · 09/02/2025 13:45

So how would this work in relationships where the wronged partner chooses to forgive and stay with the cheat? Would they still be prosecuted for cheating? Would the partner who forgave have to sign a disclaimer that if they stay with them they can't complain about being cheated on again?

ManHereSorry · 09/02/2025 13:45

Looking forward to millions of women being in prison after cheating on their male partners…

Cattery · 09/02/2025 13:45

Miratea · 09/02/2025 13:20

I’m asking because it can cause a lot of damage to the women that it happens to.it’s like emotional assault

Yes it is. Had this done to me when I was 17/18. I’m old now but the impact of the horrific behaviour/cheating/blatant disregard has stayed with me. Some people are just cunts.

Butchyrestingface · 09/02/2025 13:45

Miratea · 09/02/2025 13:41

I don’t originate from any 3rd world country. I am white. What I’m asking is why isn’t it illegal to inflict the emotional damages caused by this cheating and lying. It has impacted me massively, and others in different situations would have been impacted even more. Why can people just get away with it? My question has been answered, it isn’t practical, but I think that’s a shame

Lots of behaviours that have the capacity to affect other people badly fall outside of the threshold of criminality and cheating is one of them.

You'd be better off focusing on how to identify, where possible, tell-tale signs of a wrong un' before the relationship progresses to that stage. Sounds like there were some in yours.

Uricon2 · 09/02/2025 13:47

onceuponatimelived · 09/02/2025 13:42

Oh, look, a racist who can’t handle diversity in opinions has found mumsnet.

This will NOT be interesting, move along.

Show quote history

It was you who described the West as backward.

Do you seriously think that the Taliban give a stuff about protecting the rights of women and girls, when all the evidence is the exact opposite?

GutsyShark · 09/02/2025 13:47

How are you going to enforce it? Launch a police investigation for every allegation of cheating? Not a great use of police time and you’d have people making false allegations every time they fall out with their partner. At what point does it become a criminal offence? Flirty texts? Or only when they’ve slept together. And what do you do when he denies it? How do you prove it? I’m sorry, if you need to vent go for it. But criminalising it is a crazy idea

lnks · 09/02/2025 13:48

So you think we should have morality laws? Where does that end?

My grandmother is in a relationship with another man. My grandfather is in a nursing home with advanced dementia and doesn’t even know who she is. Should she be prosecuted because she is technically still married to him. We are all supportive of her

Afghanistan might be more to your liking.

BabyFever246 · 09/02/2025 13:48

Historically I think that was marriage. And if you cheat it's grounds for dissolving that legal contract and I believe in terms unfavourable for the cheating spouse.

But seriously- how would it work? People date non-exclusively. Someone may 'assume' they're exclusive without having the convo. How do you decide when the 'no cheating' starts? If you break up how does it get declared? Can one break it without consent of the other? Could am abusive partner use it to keep someone trapped? What if it was overseen by another oversubscribed court that has waiting lists a year long? What would the punishment be?

SallyWD · 09/02/2025 13:49

Miratea · 09/02/2025 13:20

I’m asking because it can cause a lot of damage to the women that it happens to.it’s like emotional assault

Women cheat on men too

oakleaffy · 09/02/2025 13:49

Kago2790 · 09/02/2025 13:24

Imagine the police having to investigate this

Hell they’ll need to recruit millions more police- Many of whom will cheat themselves.

@Miratea Men cheat. Women cheat.
They also present themselves as non cheaters initially.
The worse the cheater, the more they condemn cheating ( usually).

ThinWomansBrain · 09/02/2025 13:50

Rape is illegal - but there is an abysmally low conviction rate.
Why do you think the state should invest resources in this?

heartsinvisiblefury · 09/02/2025 13:51

How about the police start sending out search parties for missing red flags ....

Crazybaby123 · 09/02/2025 13:51

Well for a start the government and poljce probably has a high proportion of people who cheat. The economy would stand still and there would be no body to arrest anybody left. Also, where does it end, the teenage boy and girl who are having a casual relationship and both cheating, they both get arrested. The woman leaving her abusive partner for a kind loving man, has cheated but should she get arrested? The man in an unhappy sexless marriage who's wife is verbally abusive, should he be arrested? The woman who has been on three dates with a man and he is a bit crazy and thinks they are in a relationship, but the woman thinks thry have been on three dates and the man decides to get her arrested, should she be arrested? Also, defining and proving what is cheating, sharing dinner, sex, kiss, texts?

It's too complex to police cheating. Too resource heavy and impossible to prove. The police can't even arrest all the paedos they know about due to resource and proof. It would just be impossible to legislate for cheating.

FredaFox · 09/02/2025 13:51

What crime would it be?
What punishment are you hoping for?
How can these things be proven? There are two sides to every story and whilst I don't doubt you e been terribly upset by your experience for all we know the other person may have a different story, like pps have said, trying to leave loveless marriages, the person being left coul be using emotional blackmail and the persons just had enough
Maybe your behaviour to this person you split with has caused their behaviour to you. We will never know their side. I'm sorry this has been traumatic for you but you need to forget them and move on

BunnyLake · 09/02/2025 13:53

I’m sorry but you can’t make things like cheating illegal. If you don’t want to live in a free country then move to a more oppressive one.

Pickledpoppetpickle · 09/02/2025 13:54

user1471538275 · 09/02/2025 13:25

It's a personal relationship issue, not a legal one.

You're using extremely emotive language 'traumatised' where I would use 'upset'

You learn from these experiences and develop knowledge and skills to help you navigate future relationships.

Upset? you think someone who's dedicated 25 years plus of their life to building a life, a home, joint assets, a future into old age.........is going to be upset?

I agree with the majority that it can't be made illegal but pretending it's just an upsetting experience ignores the very real trauma it inflicts on people. I will never trust again and the scars it has left on my life, whilst somewhat reduced 15 years later, will never disappear.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 09/02/2025 13:54

Miratea · 09/02/2025 13:20

I’m asking because it can cause a lot of damage to the women that it happens to.it’s like emotional assault

Don’t be ridiculous. Plus, a lot of women cheat too. Like, a lot.

NovemberMorn · 09/02/2025 13:55

Most people have their heart broken at some point in their lives, whether it be from a cheating partner or some other cause.
It's human to hurt, but humans are also resilient, and we move onward and upwards.
It would be crazy to punish someone in law because they have cheated, and not all cheats deserve to be punished anyway. People cheat for all manner of reasons.

OP, this time next year, unless you wallow and let the bastard win....this will all be a distant memory.

Original poster
Miratea · 09/02/2025 13:56

What’s the point in being in a relationship if you’re just going to cheat Or leave them when you get your head turned

OP posts:
aspidernamedfluffy · 09/02/2025 13:56

Well that means "cheating" has to be defined, so what's the minimum if the maximum was a full on affair? E.G if someone who was bi-sexual said to their spouse "I'm off out with a mate, see you later" and that mate was the same sex but gay, then what proof would need to be obtained that it was just a drink down the pub and not anything else.

skilpadde · 09/02/2025 13:57

Adultery as a criminal offence?

Aside from what that would say about us as a modern 'civilised' society, how would that even work?

How many more police would we need in place to investigate such crimes?

The justice system is already broken... how much more money should we be putting in to prop up the courts to deal with adultery?

How many more prisons to be built? More prison officers, probation officers...

What happens to their children? What if both parents cheat... imprison them both, stick the kids in an orphanage?

How many centuries are we looking to rewind here?