Why is it not illegal to cheat on someone

[Miratea]

I don’t want to give too many details. I found it pretty traumatising to be lied to. The person went on about how great of a person they were and how they weren’t like other guys. They acted like they cared about me and would be supportive of me. They were exactly like the “other guys” they described, they were a cheat with a number of others waiting in line, got with someone new every 5-6 months and I was nothing special like they’d made me out to be. I found it really traumatising and have trust issues because of it. They really rushed things and then moved on and I never saw them again. They turned on me and started being really nasty towards me. It feels like emotional whiplash. I know it wasn’t my fault but I don’t understand why these men do it

Can you imagine the trial :

'WE WERE ON A BREAK'

😂 WTAF have I just read?

Your post is batshit @Miratea You weren't even married!

Ghost him and move on with your life. Be happy. THAT is the best 'revenge!'

I think there is a serious issue over consent:
Say you really like someone, dating them, they tell you they are single. Then once you have been in a sexual relationship you find out they are married and living at home with children . And you would never consented to sex had you known the truth.

We need to build this into discussion with teens.

But it would be very hard to criminalise and police.

Though what happened about the women who entered long term relationships with undercover police infiltrating New Age traveller activists? I think they were paid compensation / damages?

😆

The person went on about how great of a person they were and how they weren’t like other guys

Surely that alone signalled they were conceited and swollen-headed?

It's very difficult to actually prove adultery, because you have to prove that sexual intercourse actually happened (not just x stayed in a hotel room with y). That's why most divorces involving adultery are granted on the basis of unreasonable behaviour instead.

Splitting assets on the basis of this is also crazy. Assets should not be split based on who got more hurt at the end of the relationship. Can you imagine the legal fees involved in trying to sort that out!!

How would that be policed?
I'm sorry you have been hurt but of course we can't legislate for it. People are not chained to each other for life.
And cheating on someone isn't the same as domestic violence or cohersive control.

Thankfully this will not happen

Yep. Biggest red flag ever.

It is in places that the Western media deems as backwards and oppressive?

Oh that’s fine then, just let your women get cheated on without repercussions. But it’s those women that media bodies scream are being oppressed and lack freedom/rights? The ones that have governments that protect them by ensuring adultery does not go unpunished.

The West is backwards and always has been and only uneducated, ignorant people feel superior to the truth.

There is only one truth.

But oh, free will, right?

"Wife abandonment" was a crime in Victorian England. I was doing some ancestry research and came across a newspaper article in our local Devon newspaper archives about a chap who ran off to America with another woman, leaving his wife behind. The pair came home for a visit a couple of years later and he was arrested at the docks in Liverpool.

Honestly, think about what you're suggesting and how it is meant to work.

OP, it's a rare person who hasn't been emotionally hurt because of a romantic relationship in one way or another. It's part of life and countries that punish actual adultery and have draconian "morality laws" (usually aimed primarily at women) are not ones many of us would be too happy living in.

Kindly, it wouldn't work in your case anyway. The only way of proving someone is your romantic partner at all is to sign some sort of agreement, which is what marriage is for. Otherwise it's your word against theirs. He'd just need to say it was an open relationship or, indeed, you were on a break.

This. Straight out of the red flag handbook.

If we make breaking someone's trust illegal, where would it end?

I trusted my friend to feed the cat while I'm on holiday and she's just pulled out at the last minute?

I trusted my husband when he said he'd cook dinner while I was at work, and I've just come home to a takeaway?

I trusted my 18 year old to tidy their room and yet it looks like a pigsty?

I trusted my colleague to return my stapler to my desk but.....actually I'd be happy to see this one made a criminal offence 😑

The Taliban have found mumsnet !

This should be interesting.

I remember when I went through a very difficult breakup a long time ago thinking that I would have preferred to be burgled than the lies and cheating that went on, so I do sympathise

But the law protects property more than it protects personal wellbeing and is very reluctant to get involved in private lives. Its only recently that there has been much recourse to law for all but the most extreme cases of violent domestic abuse, for instance.

I'm not sure I'd really want cheating to be a crime, and the courts are straining enough as it is. I would like there to be a lot less acceptance of it in society though.

I mean I get it trolling and such can be considered incredibly harmful. Coercive control and such.

All is mind games about destroying someone emotionally and mentally.

cheating is no different. You have decided you are ok with hurting someone mentally.

You could go a step further and claim sexual abuse too. Because you cannot consent to sex without facts. And if you wouldn’t consent to sex with a person who’s having sex with someone else then you haven’t had the free will to consent.

However that would become an insane thing to try and police let’s face it.

My husband of 25 years cheated on me and left just like that 18 months ago. Now I'm still upset at times but I was traumatised by all his lies.

I don’t originate from any 3rd world country. I am white. What I’m asking is why isn’t it illegal to inflict the emotional damages caused by this cheating and lying. It has impacted me massively, and others in different situations would have been impacted even more. Why can people just get away with it? My question has been answered, it isn’t practical, but I think that’s a shame

You can't seriously be suggesting that the police be responsible for people's bad relationship decisions?

I would much rather time and effort was put into reshaping society into a place where people felt able to leave relationships a bit easier. People bang on about how noone wants to work at relationships anymore, you get told 'but why don't you try ..' 'but we love him' etc etc. If you don't want to be with someone, people around you need to respect that. But people are held in relationships they no longer want to be in by society thinking you need a 'big reason' to leave. When actually you just might not be feeling it any more. And those are the relationships that often end up with someone cheating.

I do think I’m marriage a cheating spouse should be penalised in the settlement tbh.

Oh, look, a racist who can’t handle diversity in opinions has found mumsnet.

This will NOT be interesting, move along.

Don’t be daft, OP.