Why is it not illegal to cheat on someone

[Miratea]

I don’t want to give too many details. I found it pretty traumatising to be lied to. The person went on about how great of a person they were and how they weren’t like other guys. They acted like they cared about me and would be supportive of me. They were exactly like the “other guys” they described, they were a cheat with a number of others waiting in line, got with someone new every 5-6 months and I was nothing special like they’d made me out to be. I found it really traumatising and have trust issues because of it. They really rushed things and then moved on and I never saw them again. They turned on me and started being really nasty towards me. It feels like emotional whiplash. I know it wasn’t my fault but I don’t understand why these men do it

Pretty much what we did.

Still together 40+ years later.

I think in reality it would never work for this to be a crime.

That said.... I have been cheated on and it is traumatising, in many ways I feel the scars of the cheating and lying are worse than physical ones.

Lalaletmeexplain (relationship instagrammer) posted a really interesting theory on her Instagram stories the other day which really made me think about how cheating on someone is sexual assault. And it really struck a chord with me, I've posted a screenshot.

Yabu.

seek a therapist for your trust issues though x

Did you have to pass an exam first and obtain a dating licence 😁

Congrats ❤️

I guess I can see the rationale if married, but in terms of civil action rather than criminal, it's breach of contract, no law has been broken. Personally I think infidelity should be taken into account when considering a divorce/financial settlement.

Because the prisons would be overflowing and no room left for the real criminals.

Op has been abused, you could try not being this extreme.

The thing is a huge amount of people would end up as criminals. What about a single person knowingly having an affair with a married person, are both parties criminals or just the married one? Do they both get arrested or just one?

Even though being cheated on is horrible it’s not the only thing that can cause trauma and distress. My ex became an alcoholic and i used to wish that he had just had an affair instead of being a drunk, if I had to choose between the two. I can’t even begin to describe the traumatic affects of having an alcoholic partner is like. Should addiction that devastates families also be illegal?

In an ideal world people would just be good but it’s not an ideal world. Arresting people for lack of integrity isn’t going to make the world an better place or protect us from emotional hurt.

I suggest you get therapy.

I’ve had it

Nope. Just no. Making cheating a crime is one of the dafter ideas I've come across on MN. It's painful-even traumatic-to be cheated on. Many, many of us have been through that pain, but I would never support an idea like making it a crime. Imagine having someone in your life who only stayed to avoid a criminal record??!! A surefire recipe for a lifetime of misery. People cannot be controlled in that way.

Same reason it’s not illegal to lie to someone, be mean to someone, undermine someone, ghost someone, leave someone when it’s going to leave them devastated, insult someone etc etc. The law doesn’t police morals.

If you were introduced to a new female acquaintance who kept telling you how fabulous they were, you'd probably think they were a know-all pain in the backside and give them a wide berth. It's not a bad habit to apply this check to new men too.

Sorry but this is just a ridiculous notion! Oh it’s not just women this happens to, do you think women dont cheat? I’m not sure how you think it could be made illegal, would you like a world were you had to stay with someone just because the law said so, and what do you suggest the punishment should be if they did cheat?
I know it hurts to be cheated on and your going through a tough time, but yes, you are definitely being unreasonable, sorry.

I do think cheating should be a criminal offence, the trauma it can have on a man or a woman is beyond comprehension. I also believe if a man or woman cheating they should leave the relationship with nothing, there is no and I mean no excuse for cheating the cheater is just filth if you loved someone you wouldn't cheat and if you cheat you can't love them so why be with them.

Yes I saw this on her story and agree. I am am not sure that the law would even attempt to prosecute this but I genuinely think lying to override somebody’s consent is sexual assault adjacent.

Are those the options?

Staying or cheating?

They could also just…I dunno, end the relationship?

I suggest you are not done with therapy if you are here asking if it should be illegal to cheat.

I agree with you op. It's a type of abuse. Physical and emotional. Not least because you are putting your unwitting partner at risk of STDs.

It's grim behaviour and I don't know why so many people minimise it

Huh? They also have the option of leaving their partner first and then shagging around to their hearts content.

We live in a society that is free from overbearing religious controls, and where would you draw the line?

Would it only be illegal to cheat if you are married?

Would you then make sex outside marriage illegal, because arguably marriage is an enforceable contract that you could rely on for prosecution.

Sex outside marriage would be more difficult to define cheating…. So perhaps we ban contraception to prevent sex outside marriage! You could also ban cohabitation while you are making laws… and as many affairs start in the workplace perhaps consider banning women from them too?

If this doesn’t sound horrifying (which it should) perhaps read the handmaids tale… it makes it clear why religion in laws and politics is very dangerous!

This is insane. You can't make it illegal for consenting adults to have sex.

I agree that in no circumstances should it be illegal for consenting adults to have sex, but would point out that it actually is illegal in the UK for consenting adults to have sex in the form of incest.

While many incestuous relationships are non-consensual and abusive, there are some that are consensual and non-abusive, in which both partners are happy. But the law makes a blanket criminalisation of them all. Which is why I think the law needs changing. No consensual sex (between parties over the age of consent) should be illegal, IMO.

They'd be very busy. If it was a capital punishment offence the population would drop to 2 billion.😂