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Original poster

Why is it not illegal to cheat on someone

382 replies

Miratea · 09/02/2025 13:17

I don’t want to give too many details. I found it pretty traumatising to be lied to. The person went on about how great of a person they were and how they weren’t like other guys. They acted like they cared about me and would be supportive of me. They were exactly like the “other guys” they described, they were a cheat with a number of others waiting in line, got with someone new every 5-6 months and I was nothing special like they’d made me out to be. I found it really traumatising and have trust issues because of it. They really rushed things and then moved on and I never saw them again. They turned on me and started being really nasty towards me. It feels like emotional whiplash. I know it wasn’t my fault but I don’t understand why these men do it

OP posts:
blackbirdsingingoutside · 09/02/2025 19:16

Op betrayal is shit, it fucking hurts. My ex DH lived a double life. I don't hate him now but yeah it's bloody changed me forever, I don't trust anyone 100% anymore, maybe I never should have anyway. With time and distance things become less black and white though.

Ariesburn · 09/02/2025 19:17

Miratea · 09/02/2025 13:17

I don’t want to give too many details. I found it pretty traumatising to be lied to. The person went on about how great of a person they were and how they weren’t like other guys. They acted like they cared about me and would be supportive of me. They were exactly like the “other guys” they described, they were a cheat with a number of others waiting in line, got with someone new every 5-6 months and I was nothing special like they’d made me out to be. I found it really traumatising and have trust issues because of it. They really rushed things and then moved on and I never saw them again. They turned on me and started being really nasty towards me. It feels like emotional whiplash. I know it wasn’t my fault but I don’t understand why these men do it

I totally get this. I'm not fully over my ex husband betraying me, I have since had issues with trust and question and over think everything, I have this barrier up and I don't think it will ever go down properly.

He was the same said he wouldn't do it to me blah blah blah but he ended up doing it and it was only months after we got married. I feel he stole my big day because actually it was all a lie. They don't understand the damage they do to someone. It destroys you as a whole.

Addeline · 09/02/2025 19:21

It’s horrible how some behave towards others. It’s taken me decades to work out that not everyone is the same. Some are just narcissists with no empathy at all. I wish someone had spelled this out for me around age 10.

BadSil · 09/02/2025 19:22

NeedToChangeName · 09/02/2025 18:16

It wasn't a serious suggestion

But I do think that (1) our society makes it easy for people to enter relationships and difficult to end them and (2) would better if it were the other way round

Show quote history

Better for who and why? Women have been advantaged hugely by being able to more easily leave relationships.

LeavesOnTrees · 09/02/2025 20:47

onceuponatimelived · 09/02/2025 13:42

Oh, look, a racist who can’t handle diversity in opinions has found mumsnet.

This will NOT be interesting, move along.

Show quote history

Au contraire, I love the diversity of opinions on Mumnset.

It would be very interesting to hear from someone who lives in a country where it is illegal and find out how it works in practical terms.
Does it discourage cheating ? How do the police cope with couples just arguing and accusing eachother?

Nevertrustacop · 09/02/2025 20:55

Miratea · 09/02/2025 13:17

I don’t want to give too many details. I found it pretty traumatising to be lied to. The person went on about how great of a person they were and how they weren’t like other guys. They acted like they cared about me and would be supportive of me. They were exactly like the “other guys” they described, they were a cheat with a number of others waiting in line, got with someone new every 5-6 months and I was nothing special like they’d made me out to be. I found it really traumatising and have trust issues because of it. They really rushed things and then moved on and I never saw them again. They turned on me and started being really nasty towards me. It feels like emotional whiplash. I know it wasn’t my fault but I don’t understand why these men do it

I don't understand why this wasn't your fault? You put up the boundaries to protect yourself from other people. You certainly can't expect anyone else to take responsibility for that! And having sex with lots of people is a perfectly valid lifestyle. Monogamy is not compulsory.

somewhereinsuburbia · 09/02/2025 20:57

With infidelity, isn't it the lying part that hurts though? I always used the example of a secret gambling addiction or substance use, it's the same as cheating, no better no worse, as the lies and deception are what really hurt, and the fact that you are made to feel that you aren't enough for them.

BadSil · 09/02/2025 21:18

somewhereinsuburbia · 09/02/2025 20:57

With infidelity, isn't it the lying part that hurts though? I always used the example of a secret gambling addiction or substance use, it's the same as cheating, no better no worse, as the lies and deception are what really hurt, and the fact that you are made to feel that you aren't enough for them.

I don't think so. Lots of couples can forgive lies about money, debt, gambling but can't get over infidelity. For lots of people, being rejected for another person is what is traumatic about cheating. Particularly if that person has low self-esteem, abandonment issues, attachment issues and/or narcissistic tendencies. The wound to the ego can be incredibly painful and difficult to deal with.

BunnyLake · 09/02/2025 21:49

Miratea · 09/02/2025 19:01

I want to make it clear I don’t advocate for sharia law nor do I want people in abusive relationships to be trapped.
I didn’t think this through very well

You didn’t did you 😁 it probably sounded more rational in your head.

The people on here saying dating should be regulated, it should be made more difficult to enter/leave etc, are you nuts?

ItGhoul · 09/02/2025 23:56

onceuponatimelived · 09/02/2025 13:36

It is in places that the Western media deems as backwards and oppressive?

Oh that’s fine then, just let your women get cheated on without repercussions. But it’s those women that media bodies scream are being oppressed and lack freedom/rights? The ones that have governments that protect them by ensuring adultery does not go unpunished.

The West is backwards and always has been and only uneducated, ignorant people feel superior to the truth.

There is only one truth.

But oh, free will, right?

All right, keep it light

Foostit · 10/02/2025 00:03

WTAF? Am I the only one disturbed by the OPs views and those of some of the other posters? What utter bollocks of course cheating shouldn’t be illegal! I’m actually hoping you’re a troll!

JHound · 10/02/2025 00:59

BadSil · 09/02/2025 19:22

Better for who and why? Women have been advantaged hugely by being able to more easily leave relationships.

Show quote history

How have women uniquely (as opposed to women and men) been advantaged by being able to leave relationships (I think you mean marriages) more easily?

JHound · 10/02/2025 01:00

BadSil · 09/02/2025 21:18

I don't think so. Lots of couples can forgive lies about money, debt, gambling but can't get over infidelity. For lots of people, being rejected for another person is what is traumatic about cheating. Particularly if that person has low self-esteem, abandonment issues, attachment issues and/or narcissistic tendencies. The wound to the ego can be incredibly painful and difficult to deal with.

Show quote history

Yikes.

JHound · 10/02/2025 01:01

Foostit · 10/02/2025 00:03

WTAF? Am I the only one disturbed by the OPs views and those of some of the other posters? What utter bollocks of course cheating shouldn’t be illegal! I’m actually hoping you’re a troll!

I think OP is just hurting.

OonaStubbs · 10/02/2025 01:09

How on earth would this work? Would teenagers and young 20 somethings be charged with "cheating"?

BettyBardMacDonald · 10/02/2025 01:27

Miratea · 09/02/2025 13:20

I’m asking because it can cause a lot of damage to the women that it happens to.it’s like emotional assault

No one is forced to enter into any relationship. Takes two to tango.

StrikeAlways · 10/02/2025 01:39

Miratea · 09/02/2025 13:20

I’m asking because it can cause a lot of damage to the women that it happens to.it’s like emotional assault

I too understand why you are upset, but it’s a complex issue. It’s not only men who cheat. Women do so too. Also reasons vary widely, from simply being selfish and wanting to for a bit of fun, to desperation in a difficult marriage. The idea of it being illegal is ridiculous.

NiftyKoala · 10/02/2025 01:56

I understand you are devastated and rightly so. This will never happen and thank God for that. I've been cheated on myself and still think the idea is crazy. Give yourself grace and kindness. You are going thru a lot.

NattyTurtle59 · 10/02/2025 02:07

Miratea · 09/02/2025 13:20

I’m asking because it can cause a lot of damage to the women that it happens to.it’s like emotional assault

Women also cheat on men you know.

I'm sorry you've had to experience this, but really it's not realistic to make a law against it.

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 10/02/2025 02:58

Miratea · 09/02/2025 13:20

I’m asking because it can cause a lot of damage to the women that it happens to.it’s like emotional assault

So you only want it to be illegal for men?

That's weird

doodahdayy · 10/02/2025 03:04

I think this is the same person who wants WhatsApp to stop allowing locked chats.

user1492757084 · 10/02/2025 03:39

You could once sue for breach of legal contract if you broke an engagement etc..

You can apply for a legal separation and a split of assets aquired during the union. This you can also do if you have been in a live-in relationship for more than XXX years.
Adequate documentation as proof of a De facto relationship and a lawyer to handle the separation means that you have a chance of not losing out financially - even though your heart is broken.

Maybe you could write and sign a prenup to a relationship too and include a clause should either of you cheat. Then you break your own rules/laws and pay the agreed price.

user1492757084 · 10/02/2025 03:48

somewhereinsuburbia · 09/02/2025 20:57

With infidelity, isn't it the lying part that hurts though? I always used the example of a secret gambling addiction or substance use, it's the same as cheating, no better no worse, as the lies and deception are what really hurt, and the fact that you are made to feel that you aren't enough for them.

There is also the huge risk to health - both physical and mental.

LittleBigHead · 10/02/2025 03:52

You want the State to monitor your private relationships????

Bonkers.

BlushDiamond · 10/02/2025 04:03

If we are talking things that are never going to happen and would be wide open to misuse, on balance, I'd rather it be made legal to crush the lying bastard's nugget & beans with a cricket bat but I don't think the majority would consider that cricket.

In all seriousness, I don't think you can legislate over hurt feelings. We are getting quite close enough to that already. It's also too subjective. One person's oh well may be another's devastation. How can you really prove level or cause of trauma. It's he said, she said, they said on steroids.