Why is it not illegal to cheat on someone

[Miratea]

I don’t want to give too many details. I found it pretty traumatising to be lied to. The person went on about how great of a person they were and how they weren’t like other guys. They acted like they cared about me and would be supportive of me. They were exactly like the “other guys” they described, they were a cheat with a number of others waiting in line, got with someone new every 5-6 months and I was nothing special like they’d made me out to be. I found it really traumatising and have trust issues because of it. They really rushed things and then moved on and I never saw them again. They turned on me and started being really nasty towards me. It feels like emotional whiplash. I know it wasn’t my fault but I don’t understand why these men do it

@Miratea

What I think should be made ‘illegal’ or at least - very strongly discouraged - is the notion that women should live their lives expecting a fairy tale. Expecting a handsome prince to sweep us off our feet, that we pander to them, that we make ourselves pretty for them, that we totter about in high heels and be at their beck and call.
If that’s the way men behave, then we live our lives in a way that we don’t need them.

No sane person would sign this.

Another insane thread.

You are a few generations too late, OP. You could have chased the bastard for financial settlement under Breach of Promise to marry laws only a few generations ago in much of Europe.

You could always emigrate to Saudi. He'd probably have his balls crushed and be socially excluded for life but they'd also nab you, too - for having sex before marriage.

On a serious note, dating can be shitty. Sorry you had a horrible experience. Better luck in future relationships.

I understand, i really do. I'm 14 years down the line since a break up, and 10 years since last final contact, with someone who emotionally, financially and mentally sexually abused me,for over 2 years, and i have PTSD i'm still in therapy for. The kind of domestic abuse i suffered, (via online messaging, texts, phonecalls etc) became against the law as part of domestic abuse in May 2015, as opposed to physical abuse like hitting, and physical sexual assault, that was already against the law. BUT it only accepts acts of abuse from the date it became law as prosecuteable, so i can't get any justice.

In your case (i'm going off first post only) it doesn't sound like there was "abuse" as such though, more you simply fell in love with someone who love bombed you, then left you several months later after promising you the world. He'd very much have the counter arguement that at the time he said those things and made those promises he 100% meant them, but then fell out of love with you and, as he and everyone else has the right to do so for any reason, ended the relationship.

I sympathise that you are hurting, that you've had the rug pulled from under you of a future you'd mentally pictured and planned and you've had your heart broken losing the person you wanted to be in a relationship with, but there is often a "loser" when relationships end who didn't want the split to happen.

How would you propose that could be made illegal? That no relationship once started can ever be ended unless both people involved agree on splitting? How could that ever be enforced? That everyone who ever proposes, has to go through with getting married even if they fall out of love with their partner, because they "promised"? That divorce is abolished because you said vows that have legally bound you forever?
Would people who cheat be sent to prison? Who would decide what the line was to define cheating? Something physical has to have happened, or emotionally getting close and expressing desire to be with someone else?

If there has been actual domestic abuse, emotionally or physically such as coercive control, threats, violence, or sexual offences etc then that can be reported and investigated as that is against the law, but simply hurting someone by ending a relationship or not being completely honest with them, couldn't ever be made a crime as theres just no way to police that, and everyone should have the free will to walk away from a relationship they no longer want to be a part of.

Yes I'm not suggesting women shoukd be trapped in abusive relationsps

I'm suggesting that - ideally - it would be (1) harder for people to enter into unsuitable relationships in the first place and (2) easier to leave if unhappy

I wasn't suggesting that this is realistic, or feasible. Just idealistic. If eg you had to jump through lots of tests before you're allowed to settle down with a partner, some people woukd realise they're not compatible and heartbreak avoided. As I say, not realistic or feasible

I would have dumped them at them at them telling me me 'how great of a person they are'
Sorry you've had a shit time, but your idea of making someone breaking your heart illegal is just ridiculous and unworkable

They’re currently on that thread claiming that ‘There is no need for privacy between spouses unless the marriage is abusive’.

According to last week’s threads, sharing a pudding counts.

OP, I think you just have to believe in karma sometimes and imagine him accidentally sitting on a box of drawing pins or slipping onto the hoover pipe, something along those lines...

Although Barbra Streisand and Barry Gibb sang that being lonely and sad should be illegal, if that counts.

Yes, anyone who keeps telling you how great they are should probably be given a wide berth.

How would 1) work, seriously how would it be implemented, even in an idealistic world?

Being cheated on is abuse. Abuse can be illegal, particularly if it constitutes coercive control. Perhaps it should be illegal!

It's the phrase 'great of a person' that would send me.

Is it the same person who thinks prisons shouldn't exist and everyone has a right to rehabilitate or is that a different poster with their own strange outlook.

There aren't enough resources to legisate against shoddy rather than criminal behaviour.

Very simplistic outlook. Supposing you’re a kind, compassionate person trapped in an abusive marriage and you meet someone. How many people have been murdered by their abusive spouse because they found out the downtrodden spouse had met someone else?

Seriously, those who really believe it should be made illegal are living in the wrong country, but there are countries you can move to where such laws do exist. Make yourselves much happier and move to them.

We can't get every pedophile off the street why on earth would police and courts waste time on this.

Jesus, I actually fear for the future when I hear such Puritanical nonsense. Maybe go live in Afghanistan where you can hall women down to the town square and cut off their hand for adultery.

I think the police have got enough to do without having to investigate thousands of cases of alleged cheating.

Maybe there should be a psychiatric evaluation done before people embark in a relationship?

OP in the gentlest way, you need to build up your bullshit detector AND your resilience.

As I said earlier, I'm not claiming that this would be realistic or feasible

If as a society, we wanted something along these lines, I'd guess some kind of questionnaire or interviews and if you don't pass then you don't get a marriage licence. A bit like a driving licence

But how do you begin a relationship in the first place if it’s made difficult to enter it? You can’t get a licence every time you want to go on a date with a new person.

It sounds more like a dystopian world not an ideal one.

Just to go have a pizza and a drink?