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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is 45 too old to have a baby

767 replies

Catontoof · 09/02/2025 12:22

is this fair on a child?
I am seriously considering this as I feel like
therr has been a huge hole in my life.

OP posts:
Snowmanscarf · 09/02/2025 12:25

A similar-ish thread here about a 43 year considering a baby ,and giving up a safe, secure relationship to do so.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 09/02/2025 12:27

Is it fair on you? I'm healthy, active and fit and couldn't cope with a baby and the following decade of raising a child that's for sure.

Cynic17 · 09/02/2025 12:28

I don't know whether 45 is too old to have a baby, but I'm pretty sure that 60 is way too old to have a 15 year old! Think long- term, OP, because it's really not about those first few months with a cute little baby.....

Anothershittydayinparadise · 09/02/2025 12:29

I personally think so but many won't.
My DH's brother and wife had a child at 45, it has ruined there lives. The DC is now 14 and has many issues including autism, is trans and has many issues. They are now exhausted 60 year olds. My sil says she could have handled it better if they had been younger.
Sadly, the chances of having a child with issues is much higher in your 40's.

KimberleyClark · 09/02/2025 12:29

Are you sure that a baby will actually fill the hole you feel you have in your life?

Notgivenuphope · 09/02/2025 12:29

A friend had her one and only at 44 (2 weeks before her 45th). She met and married her husband later, had built a career and was fitter and healthier at this age than in her 20s.

NotMaroonButRaspberry · 09/02/2025 12:30

It absolutely would be for me. I am so tired with the every day that I cannot imagine adding additional demands to my body, to signing up to disrupted sleep for years etc.

I had mine in my twenties and thirties and found it hard going then.

That said, I have a friend who had hers at 41 and 44 with no issues and she always looks fresh as a daisy, my cousin had her last child at 42, and a work colleague had a baby at 43 and seems to have survived. I just couldn't do it myself!

ToKittyornottoKitty · 09/02/2025 12:30

Honestly it probably is yes, on the internet everyone has done it or has an auntie who naturally conceived twins at 51. But in reality it’s incredibly unlikely to be successful and then is it fair on either you or the child? Not really. If you froze your eggs years ago then maybe but it’s not something I think you should be placing your hopes on to fill that gap.

Theresacatinmykitchenwhatamigonnado · 09/02/2025 12:30

I have a child, so absolutely yes, 45 would have been too old for me to have another. However, if I had no children and I very much wanted a child, I am pretty sure I'd have tried to have one, regardless of age.

CharlotteLightandDark · 09/02/2025 12:31

Yes it is imo.
its more grandparent age

TheatreTraveller · 09/02/2025 12:32

I think there's so many factors to consider and the answer will be different for everyone but of course for some people it's not too old.
You'll get replies on MN that it's selfish and far too old but these are generally from people who had kids in their 20's so didn't have to make that decision.
I had mine at 39 and 42. Best thing I've ever done in my life and I have 2 beautiful, happy, healthy children who have the most fantastic life. They're only 7 and 4 but have travelled the world, have access to hobbies, friends, extended family, out every weekend swimming, museums, theatre, parks, farms etc I don't think I would have been as good a mother when I was younger (just me personally) me and DH got together when I was 36 so no option anyway.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 09/02/2025 12:32

Are you in a relationship?
How is your general health and fitness?
Are you financially secure?
Are you aware of the additional risks to Mum and baby with pregnancy at an older age?
Have you got a good idea of the challenges of parenthood at different ages and stages? Parenting a teen in your 60s? Definitely wouldn’t be for me but if you go into it with your eyes wide open, and Mother Nature plays ball, why not?!

ArtTheClown · 09/02/2025 12:34

It's a big generation gap to have between you and a child.

biscuitsandbooks · 09/02/2025 12:35

Would you really want to be raising a pre-teen while you go through the menopause? Dealing with a 20 year old instead of enjoying retirement?

Purplecatshopaholic · 09/02/2025 12:36

Kid goes to school when you are in your 50s? Teenage angst when you are coming up to 60s? Working potentially longer than your health ideally allows so you can pay for college or uni? Dealing with your own challenges around menopause, elderly relatives, etc? Fuck, no.

EmBear91 · 09/02/2025 12:37

The chance of falling pregnant at 45 is very low so I would manage your expectations. For most fertility clinics 43 is the upper age to try & have a child with your own eggs & even then realistic chances are given & it’s generally not recommended, as the chance of abnormal embryos is high. If you are seriously considering it, I would see a fertility consultant asap to assess your ovarian reserve & the chances, for example, of falling pregnant naturally.

TheatreTraveller · 09/02/2025 12:37

CharlotteLightandDark · 09/02/2025 12:31

Yes it is imo.
its more grandparent age

I think this must hugely depend on your social circles but I'm not friends with anyone who was a grandparent in their early 40's. I've worked with one and that's it.

pennydroppedtoday · 09/02/2025 12:39

Personally if I hadn't had any children and I was 45 I would do it. No one bats an eye when the dad is in his 40s

My concern would be the risks to the baby when being older so you would accept all tests offered

PrincessHoneysuckle · 09/02/2025 12:39

I'm 45 soon and yes it's definitely too old

Chuchoter · 09/02/2025 12:40

Yes.

ConsuelaHammock · 09/02/2025 12:40

Yes

MrsSchrute · 09/02/2025 12:40

You'll get replies on MN that it's selfish and far too old but these are generally from people who had kids in their 20's so didn't have to make that decision.

Does that mean they are wrong? Or their opinion isn't valid?

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/02/2025 12:42

Is there a reason you didn’t want one until now? Do you have a partner or would you do it by yourself? I’m a few years younger than you with two young ones and the second pregnancy was much harder than the first as I was 4 years older.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 09/02/2025 12:42

No, I have no energy now I am in my 50’s when I had loads of energy at 45. Sadly, people my age are now dying of cancer or heart issues and leaving their teenage children behind. My own parents were older and I lost one over 30 years ago. Shared lives or fostering whilst different would help others without the grind of many years of thff er school run.