Is 45 too old to have a baby

[Catontoof]

is this fair on a child?
I am seriously considering this as I feel like
therr has been a huge hole in my life.

Yes it's unfair.

Parenting in to you 50s early 60s no thank you.
My baby is 22 this year and im 38 would not change it for the world but nothing could get me to have another no thank you.
At 45 you ill be still parenting in to your early 60s.
I love my freedom.

Because I know quite a few healthy, happy kids born to mums over 45 I’m afraid I have to hard disagree with this post. Sorry.

ive know enough over 45 mums where its worked out really well for all concerned

I don't know.....I'm 38 and currently pregnant with my 4th child.

I had one when I was 44. He was an unexpected miracle after being told that chemo meant no more kids. I did have a full blood screening when pregnant to check for issues and it did come back clean but I know I would have had to go ahead anyway. Don't get me wrong - I was saying to my mum yesterday that I am probably more exhausted than I realise I am (also run my own business) as he is 3 now and is properly full on. However, I couldn't imagine life with him.

It depends on so many factors.
Are you generally fit and healthy?
I'm older than you and have 3 dcs, 2 of which are at secondary school and I feel I still have the energy to deal with a baby if I suddenly had to (though I don't want another at all!)
You could live a healthy and active life into your late 80's or even into your 90's.
If you're not as healthy as you could be then you may have to put more thought into it.
As a pp has mentioned, the dc may not fill this gap you're feeling now. They may have additional needs. Would you have the energy for that?

So ageist.

There are lots of couples where the man was 45 when they had a child.
In fact someone in my road had their first at 40 and the 2nd at 45. Wife was slightly younger.

It's not that long ago that women had children right up to the menopause, so having a child in your 40s wasn't rare.

It's far better than having one at 20 when you're not mature or likely to be financially stable.

I’m considering transferring a frozen embryo soon to try for a sibling for my (also IVF) toddler DS - and on the slim chance it works would mean I’d be nearly 45 by the time he/she is born. So no, on basic principle I don’t think 45 is too old - I know quite a few people in their early or even mid 40’s with babies or toddlers. There are both pros as well as cons to being or even having an older parent imo.

And tbh “old” now is not what it used to be - I suspect the retirement age will move up to 70 sooner rather than later and anecdotally the majority of older people I know don’t seem to even look “elderly”, let alone develop serious age related issues till mid 70’s if not 80’s.

This is all with the big caveat that obviously you need to plan ahead, even more than younger parents should. Sort out life insurance and a will - who would look after the kid/s if something happened to you? Do you have trusted younger siblings or is your partner younger? It’s worth having the “what if” chat with them so you are all in agreement.

I’m also assuming you are talking about trying naturally and/or with your own eggs. It’s not a great chance by 45 obviously so if you are considering donor conception, then that’s further complications again (so worth getting advice from the UK Donor Conception Network charity imo).

Find other routes to fulfillment.

For me , yes , but I'd had my 2 by the age of 25 and in my circumstance that was a good thing because I also had an early menopause by 40 .
What is your situation ? Are you hoping for a natural conception , or ivf , maybe donor sperm ?
Are you going alone or have a partner ? What's your living situation ? Have you got a good fallback in regard to childcare ? Family / friends etc .
By the age of 45 , you've settled into your life and how you do things , are you prepared for that to be thrown up in the air ?

I think it's very common for women in their 40s to crave another baby and have another chance at motherhood. For 30 years you've had the potential of becoming pregnant and when that opportunity is about to disappear there's a (subconscious) last minute desire to grow your family.

Yeah, a lot of women in the past who 'had babies at 45' were actually pretending they were their grandchildren's mother. Or in the case of my great aunt, adopting a 14 year old relative's baby.

My nan was 38 when I was born

Personally I’d say no, but that’s my opinion. My own mother is only 3 years older than you and finds my DD, age 2, very exhausting for even a rare couple of hours. She’s struggling with perimenopause. MIL is mid 50s with a pre-teen and is struggling massively with parenting/career/menopause. It looks utterly miserable and not something I’d choose for myself. These are just my observations but I’d think beyond the conception and pregnancy, if it’s something you’re strongly considering.

I'm going to say usually, yes. I'm sure there are exceptional cases.

Its unlikely to happen naturally and there's probably a good evolutionary reason for that.

Yes it's unfair.

Isn't that quite a slippery slope? Is it fair to have dc of you smoke? Is it fair to have dc if you can't fund a house deposit etc? What's fair and unfair?

@Spanielsaremad presumably I don't know your nan!

Don't do it. It would be total self indulgence.

Up to the individual. My friend got married at 29 and she never got pregnant... until she was 46! They had resigned to the fact they weren't going to have any so happy surprise. The Dad was 50. Boy is now 23, going fine, and the parents are well too.
My sister had hers, after being told her she and PCOS meant she couldn't get pregnant, at 45. Her DD s now 14.
I had mine in my 40 (last at 43).
All of the above conceived naturally.
As for those who say you will barely be living long enough to see them into adulthood, well first couple are still fit and well and together; my sister's partner left her soon after the birth and had no contact; I was happily married but my DH died suddenly when my kids were 4 and 6.
There are no guarantees.
I would not go to extraordinary measures though. If it happens naturally, great. But don't become obsessed with the idea.

A huge hole in your life??

What's your 14 year old then; irrelevant? Nothing? How would they feel, to know this is how you feel, that they're not good enough?

And putting this giant burden on a baby as hole-filler... Huge expectations.

What if their arrival digs you into a hole many times worse?

I can’t imagine doing the school run in my 50s. It’s not a road I’d go down.

Too old IMHO, you'll be 46 best case scenario if you're able to conceive naturally at 45, which there is a low chance of. It would be a high risk pregnancy with the chance of extra complications for you, and for baby. You would be 60/61 with a 14 year old. It is selfish op, it is just my opinion though.

I’d say 1980’s the majority of grandparents were late 40’s early 50’s…I know this as I was born late 1970’s to a 38 and 48yr old who were often mistaken for my grandparents!

This is it. It may or may not happen I'm only just venturing back into dating world that may not even happy as I'll be damned if iv gone through everything I have just to end up back in a crappy relationship. But I would love to think that door could still be open

Not really as I'd be closing the window at 45

I’m was much more tired with the baby I had at 30 than the one at 24. In hindsight I’d have had them closer together and got all the sleepless nights, tantrums and expensive childare days out of the way at once! In laws at also much older now and not as willing to have the younger one as they were with the first so time to myself is much rarer too!