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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is 45 too old to have a baby

767 replies

Catontoof · 09/02/2025 12:22

is this fair on a child?
I am seriously considering this as I feel like
therr has been a huge hole in my life.

OP posts:
Dror · 09/02/2025 12:57

Are the chances of conceiving and carrying to term not pretty low?

You have a 14yr old, you're a few years away from having freedom to do whatever you want. Isn't that great?

Berlinlover · 09/02/2025 12:58

It’s far too old to have a child, I can’t believe you’re even asking the question.

flappingsoles · 09/02/2025 12:59

My mum became a grandmother at around that age. Can’t imagine having a newborn myself and I’m 38.

Barbie222 · 09/02/2025 13:00

I'd have felt perfectly capable of raising a toddler at 45. Two years later perimenopause hit me like a train and I could barely cope with the life I had. Unfortunately you're at an age where the body seems to sense a last chance saloon, and pushes for something that could well tip you into breaking point after just a couple more years - that's in addition to the difficulties of supporting and funding teenagers as PPs describe.

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 09/02/2025 13:01

You have a 14yr old, you're a few years away from having freedom to do whatever you want. Isn't that great?

Where does it say that? OP only posted once.

However, if that's the case, then why start over with a baby so late? They don't ask to be here.

Starlight7080 · 09/02/2025 13:01

Also think if they have a child at say 25 . They could potentially be looking after a child and you .
Do you have a husband and lots of family to help ? Or would they just have you ?
Lots of very rich people do it as I suppose atleast they can financially plan ahead for all circumstances.

KimberleyClark · 09/02/2025 13:01

Dror · 09/02/2025 12:57

Are the chances of conceiving and carrying to term not pretty low?

You have a 14yr old, you're a few years away from having freedom to do whatever you want. Isn't that great?

Where does the OP say she has a 14 year old?

Barbadosgirl · 09/02/2025 13:02

I do understand the desire to have children and experience that but can I gently say to you it is not the job of a child to fill a hole in someone’s life. A child is a person. What if that child is born and does not fill the gap or meet your expectations? You should be a whole person before you have a child. It can be tough and you need to be able to adapt and handle those challenges.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 09/02/2025 13:02

4andnotcounting · 09/02/2025 12:55

As I mother of 4, I can safely safe kids are overrated these days. Would I do it again? No.

I suggest foster first, then decide if you have the energy and life long commitment to another human being who didn’t ask to be here.

Becoming a foster parent isn’t exactly a quick or easy process, if OP is 45 time isn’t exactly on her side so don’t think this is very realistic advice. Also the experience of fostering is very different to having your own child, it’s a job which involves caring for a likely traumatised child, it will involve LAC meetings and facilitating parental contact and it would likely mean OP needing to give up her job to commit to. It’s not something somebody should go into just to practice having a child to see if they want to be a parent!

wipeywipe · 09/02/2025 13:02

Also think if they have a child at say 25

that's unlikely now, let alone in 25 yrs time

Enigma52 · 09/02/2025 13:02

Barbie222 · 09/02/2025 13:00

I'd have felt perfectly capable of raising a toddler at 45. Two years later perimenopause hit me like a train and I could barely cope with the life I had. Unfortunately you're at an age where the body seems to sense a last chance saloon, and pushes for something that could well tip you into breaking point after just a couple more years - that's in addition to the difficulties of supporting and funding teenagers as PPs describe.

This exactly.
One minute you can be living your best life, endless energy, healthy etc.
Literally the next day, you may not be able to get out of bed.

WilmaTitsDrop · 09/02/2025 13:03

Yesterday you described yourself as a single mum with quite bad anxiety OP.

The thread you started a few hours ago states that you're unwell and your mother is in hospital, and your ex is stressing you out.

Now is really not the time to be thinking about planning a pregnancy, no matter how old you are.

honeylulu · 09/02/2025 13:03

It's not ideal. I had my youngest at 40 (didn't meant to leave it that late but had secondary infertility) and it's just about OK but I'd have not wanted to be any older, not least because my husband was even older than that.

I was also quite a "young" 40 - slim, fit, well and lots of energy. I'm now 50 and starting to struggle with arthritis, hoping to retire at 60 or so though need to keep going until she's finished uni (assuming she goes). I can't imagine having a 5 year old at this age.

Also, how do you know you would conceived easily? Some women do but even if you have regular periods, your eggs may be no good or your progesterone levels may have dropped too much for implantation. It's not just a matter of deciding to stop contraception. Chances of conceiving naturally at 45 are quite slim.

Tubs11 · 09/02/2025 13:03

Only you can answer that question really.
Friend of mine just had her third just before her 46th birthday and is loving life. She has a supportive husband, financially stable, is in good health and has balls of energy and love for her kids and I don't see that wavering. I had my own later on in life and on many levels I've grateful that I did as I personally feel I'd have been a rubbish and anxious parent if I'd had them in my late 20s/early 30s but someone else will disagree with that entirely. It really is a personal decision but good to ask and listen to all the opinions to see where you think you fit in or feel on the matter. Good luck with your decision!

Nessastats · 09/02/2025 13:03

Way too old. You've left it to the last possible minute, a natural conception of a healthy baby is incredibly unlikely.

angelinawasrobbed · 09/02/2025 13:03

I had one at 45. She doesn't seem to mind. Indeed, she is looking forward to receiving her inheritance much sooner than her peers ...

millymollymoomoo · 09/02/2025 13:04

I think it’s easy for anyone who has children to say no.
but honestly, if i didn’t I would probably try to at that age regardless about what anyone said. I know people who have and it’s great and others who have and it’s hard, so no one really knows.

You need to be realistic about the changes though - they’ll be low but you can get your own assessment of that

KetteringQueen · 09/02/2025 13:04

Not sure what your poll options are but yes I think it is.

WilmaTitsDrop · 09/02/2025 13:05

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 09/02/2025 13:01

You have a 14yr old, you're a few years away from having freedom to do whatever you want. Isn't that great?

Where does it say that? OP only posted once.

However, if that's the case, then why start over with a baby so late? They don't ask to be here.

The OP stated it in a thread she started two hours before this one.

Starlight7080 · 09/02/2025 13:05

wipeywipe · 09/02/2025 13:02

Also think if they have a child at say 25

that's unlikely now, let alone in 25 yrs time

Why is it unlikely?

RosesAndHellebores · 09/02/2025 13:05

I had my first at 35 and my second at nearly 39. Speaking from my experience alone, it was much more exhausting at 39 and I was only 3.5 years older than the first time. On that basis, it's a hard no from me.

LoraPiano · 09/02/2025 13:06

A relative had a baby at 47. The said baby is almost 30 now and a doctor.
The relative was a single mom, but she was/is quite rich and had all sorts of help and nannies and kept working.
IMO there is no one size fits all and you have to see if you have the physical stamina and the financial means to do it.

Deadringer · 09/02/2025 13:06

I was 45 when a baby came into my life and she brought me great joy, no issues with tiredness etc, at least not any out of the ordinary. However at 60 15 year olds are fucking exhausting, especially one with mild SN. I have 4 older dc though, all of whom are grown up, and I just feel I have been doing this parenting lark for too long, so if this would be your first dc that is completely different. On the plus side I have experience of dealing with all of the issues that arise with a teen, and my older dc are on hand to keep me in the loop with stuff like internet stuff, tiktok etc. Obviously i adore my teenager, but if I could go back in time and reconsider, I probably would.

gatheryerosebuds · 09/02/2025 13:06

arethereanyleftatall · 09/02/2025 12:48

It isn't the baby at 45 that's the problem. It's the 15 yr old at 60. Absolutely no way.

But there are quite a lot of mums in my neck of the woods who are 58 with a 15 year old...
If OP feels the need for a child then this is probably her last chance.

WilmaTitsDrop · 09/02/2025 13:07

gatheryerosebuds · 09/02/2025 13:06

But there are quite a lot of mums in my neck of the woods who are 58 with a 15 year old...
If OP feels the need for a child then this is probably her last chance.

Show quote history

She's 45 and single so I doubt it's going to happen anytime soon.