Is 45 too old to have a baby

[Catontoof]

is this fair on a child?
I am seriously considering this as I feel like
therr has been a huge hole in my life.

I think the key thing to bear in mind is that it's extremely unlikely to happen at 45. The chance of you getting pregnant is about 1%, and if you did, more than 50% of pregnancies will end in miscarriage at 45.
You may well decide to go for it, but you need to be realistic that there's over a 99% chance it won't happen.

Omg yes, its hard now for me early 40s with a 16 year old let alone being 60 and dealing with teen problems when you want to be on the wind down to retirement. For me personally, 45 is too old. But everyone is different.

No. Your baby would probably be having to think about how to help you in old age by the time they were in their late 20s. They'd almost certainly be an only child too. It's a huge burden even if they love you. Ask me how I know.

its not a clear cut yes or no. If you’re healthy and have good finances, and you don’t have other children then I think it’s fine. To be fair tiredness doesn’t affect the wealthy as much as they can outsource a lot of work. Age is a factor in fertility etc and birth defects, but then again I’ve lost young friends to cancer who were otherwise healthy and they’ve left young children so you just never know. If you want a child, are committed and will provide it with a loving home to the best of your ability, I would do it.

Generally speaking, I would say yes, 45 is too old. I wouldn't have wanted to have a DC in my mid-40s. It changes your life totally, which can be good if you want those changes, but even so, it will harder to adjust to having a DC and the ties that brings when you're already 45. Plus, there will be the rigours of pregnancy on a mid-40s body, which I found tough enough in my 30s. Are you in a serious, long-term relationship? Would this potential DC have a father and a wider family, or are you thinking of going it alone?

My line in the sand is 42, so 18 before you hit 60. And through uni before you retire.

If you really want a child I'd consider the adoption route, looking at a preschooler

Depends on your circumstances, quite a few older parents in my area (lots of 50 yr old dads) & they seem happy.

I'm 45 and my kids are 16 and 19, and honestly, they still need me so much. The thought of dying before they're settled and secure adults terrifies me. I don't expect them to be fully mature until mid to late 20s, just going by how I was and most people I know. If I had another baby now, I'd be pushing 70 before I felt they were secure enough to cope with losing a parent, and that's if they were healthy and well, which they might not be, being born from older eggs and sperm. My DH lost his mum in his early 20s and was quite messed up emotionally by it.

That's a bit of a ramble to say that I would not personally consider having a baby now, even without going into the impact on myself, physically and in terms of life generally. But of course, I have kids, so it's different than if I had none, I guess.

My youngest was born when I was 40. I'm now over 60 and still financially responsible for 2 young people. No problem with a young child in my 40's , but it is a problem now as I would love to retire but can't.

It isn't the baby at 45 that's the problem. It's the 15 yr old at 60. Absolutely no way.

its more grandparent age

I don't know any 45 yr old gps!

At this age I would consider adoption or fostering, plus her for menopause.

Maybe look at adopting an older child, from here or abroad?

I don't think it's fair on the children. Even less so if it's to fill 'a hole' in your life. Don't put that responsibility on another human being - especially not a child.

Sil was 46, surprise! So far so good but no way would I sign up for another however I have 2 kids already who are adults. If I didn't have children my answer might be rather different I admit

Yes menopause and meeting a babys needs it a hard slog not to mention being 60+ when your child is in it’s teens🙈

I was exhausted at 35. No way would I want a baby at 45.

There's a lot of factors to consider, nobody can see into the future but are you in good health, good financial position, good support from partner, friends, family etc?

Would you be looking to try naturally or getting fertility treatment? Most fertility clinics only allow usage of your own eggs up until 43, are you prepared for a riskier pregnancy both for you and any child you may have?

In your position I would probably give it a go but be mindful that the odds are against you.

Exactly my thoughts!

I really really wanted a baby at 45 and up until the child's age of 10. It would've all been fine way better than fine fabulous in fact, but the thought of heading into their mid teens as I hit 60 makes me very relieved. I didn't fall pregnant.

At 45 I wouldn't have believe this either. I would have thought that being 60 when they have them wouldn't have been a big deal I would have been very wrong.

I'm 62 so if I'd had a baby at your age, they'd be 18, a young adult, and that would be ok! Now, that is.

I'd have had career establishment, saving, maturing myself etc behind me.

But ...

I'd also have been trying to cope with pregnancy, possible pnd, newborn and toddler tantrums while also in the hole that was peri menopause.

And dealing with an adolescent and elder parents at the same time.

And being the same age as child's friends' grandparents, with all that social impact.

And taking the real risk that older pregnancy carries, bearing in mind your eggs are the same age as you are.

Weigh up all the pros and cons.

As I mother of 4, I can safely safe kids are overrated these days. Would I do it again? No.

I suggest foster first, then decide if you have the energy and life long commitment to another human being who didn’t ask to be here.

Not in any non-dysfunctional family it's not. 35 is pretty typical for educated professionals.

Think long and hard about this.

I'm 53 now and couldn't imagine having an 8 year old to parent. I'm in a horrific menopause, have two types of cancer to deal with ( one incurable) and the other likely requiring brutal treatment. That's just my experience though and this will more than likely not be your reality.

At 45, DD was 12 and DS was 8.5. I had bags of energy. Menopause hit me bang on 48, then the rest of the shit followed.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

I used to think it would be ok but I'm 40 and have just had my second. He's an easy baby but I'm totally wrecked from it. I think another would finish me off. I've had lots of issues with blood pressure in pregnancy. I think this is more hereditary in my case but it's likely to worsen with age also. Maybe it if was my only chance to have a child I would

I’m sorry, but I absolutely would not have a baby at 45. I know people do, and everyone is different, but I just couldn’t do it to myself or the child. 💐