To think this reaction is self absorbed.

[Mrsmozza123]

So. Everyone is fine but.
I went to check on my 4 year DS while he was sleeping. He'd taken his duvet out of the cover got inside the duvet cover and wrapped himself in it. I found him tangled and for a terrible split second I thought he could have strangled or suffocated. He was fine, a bit hot but definitely breathing and moving. Thank goodness.
I called my DH for help a few times and he shouted back "Yes?".
Eventually once I knew DS was safe I went downstairs to tell DH what had happened. I was really shaken.
DH seemed more concerned that i was having a go at him for not coming upstairs. I really wasn't.
I was expecting him to hug me or say thank goodness he's OK, to share my concern.

Instead he was saying "well you didn't sound very panicked, how was it supposed to know you needed me?"
And
"Sounds like you've just come downstairs to have a go at me"
I just walked off, I've had a little cup of tea and a cry on my own because I can't sleep.

Ok look, you quite clearly think you're 100% in the right and nothing's going to change that.

I obviously don't know this but I strongly suspect this isn't the first time you've over reacted and catastrophised something, and if I'm right then that's very probably why your DH didn't bother running to you.

It's done now, your child is fine and that's the main thing.

I’m confused by the first lot of replies. Hasn’t anyone ever had a quick panic over something that’s then shaken them for a few moments, and needed that little comfort afterwards?

In hindsight, maybe you could see it as dramatic, but to think your child has suffocated is bloody scary, and would take some time to get over.. YANBU

Sounds like a scary experience. Regardless of the series of events, there was real panic that something terrible had happened. Sorry, must have been horrendous in the moment.

Sorry also that you've posted when all the idiots are out on MN. They're not trolls - just the kinds of ppl, normal folk with at least half a heart intentionally avoid having as friends in reality (fortunately, they gravitate towards eachother anyway).

Honey, you don't know me to comment on a trend in my behaviour.

I've just done 8 weeks solo parenting while DH worked away. I've got this.

What happened this evening derailed me. It was scary in the moment.

No that was in my OP

I'm prepared to bet that you got angry with him first for not coming running up the stairs as soon as you shouted his name.

If I thought my son were not breathing I would scream so loudly that my husband would come running and my child would wake up.
My reaction would be unplanned.
Sorry you had a scare, Op.

In your case I would have told DH that I was not having a go at him but that I'd had a scare and that I really needed a hug. Then I would have got the hug and had a weep.

Kids and all people can breathe through fabric.

Ideas for Op: Sew zips into doona covers if they are not pressduds or fold over types.
Make sure to never use plastic doona covers nor let your kids play with plastic bags, ropes or spikey sticks.

Okay then. But you said "DH seemed more concerned that i was having a go at him for not coming upstairs. "
So what did you say when to him you came down, why did he feel like you were having a go at him?

Saying you didn't sound panicked, as in, when he heard you yelling from upstairs, he didn't understand that you were calling for an emergency, which is why he didn't come sprinting up the stairs.. if calling out to someone downstairs is common in your house, and he didn't hear panicked screams, he didn't interpret the situation as an emergency which is how it felt to you. But why did he feel like you were having a go at him that he didn't come up?

I’m really surprised at how many are saying they wouldn’t be panicking by seeing their child like this.
op I’ve had a similar fright tonight with my 4yr old and it’s honestly terrifying in that split second when you think you’ve lost them.

My now 13yo autistic DS has slept like this for years, it is a bit worrying at first but that's just what he prefers. He has to be completely covered like a mummy!

You could try the really fitted sensory sheets to see if he likes them?

The fact that it was entirely incorrect, for a start.

It's incredibly hurtful when you turn to someone for comfort after a fright and, instead of saying, "oh no, that sounds scary, what a relief it's all ok," he imagines you're criticising him, then refuses to believe you when you explain that you're not – that you just had a fright.

It's hurtful because it's not only dismissive of your feelings and needs, but antagonistic.

Hopefully, he's just getting defensive because he didn't respond when he heard you call. Perhaps you sounded angry to him: people can sound angry if they're a bit shaky and tense after a fright.

In my OP I said, I went downstairs and told him what had happened.
Like "f*ck, that was horrible I just found our DS tangled in his sheet...he'd done x,y,z and j really panicked for a minute"
DH "why didn't you shout louder"
Me "He's fine now but I was shouting for you to help. I'm just a bit shaken now but hes OK"
DH "why are you just coming downstairs to have a go at me"
Me "I'm not, I'm just a bit upset I thought for a moment something awful had happened"
DH [Raises voice] "Well it just sounds like you came down to have a go at me"

I go and make a cuppa and have a little cry at this point.
Then mistakenly post it on mumsnet thinking I'd get some compassion there instead.

Instead get attacked by the majority of posters.

Some lovely replies in There though. Thanks to them.

I REALLY didn't.

I certainly understand that moment where you get a shock and realise they are serious hurt or could have been seriously hurt. I’ve definitely had this. I think many on the thread are struggling to see the moment you saw. And your DH is probably the same, he didn’t see it and doesn’t have an understanding of what happened

OP, I'm sorry you had a fright.

Your DH thought you were trying to have a go at him and responded accordingly - it was just a miscommunication. It doesn't sound like he had done anything wrong (and you yourself have said that wasn't what you were trying to do) so it's understandable that when he thought you were angry at him for no reason he responded defensively; most of us do get defensive if we think we're being unfairly blamed for something because being unfairly blamed for something is hurtful. But him misreading your intent/tone isn't him being self-absorbed or dismissive, it's just one person misreading the tone of another. There's no reason to turn this into a conflict with your DH, just take a breath and clear up the misunderstanding. "Wait, I wasn't coming to complain or argue. I really just needed to tell you about my fright and I could use a hug while I calm down."

Your H was a jerk in this instance, yes.

I left it in the end. I tried explaining but
I could see it heading to an argument so I dropped it.
It's a common theme sadly.

Take the duvet cover off

Sorry, I just didn't understand how the conversation actually went based on the original post, because you didn't really say what was said. I completely understand why you panicked finding your son the way he was. I would have got a big fright too. Maybe he feels guilty for not coming up when you called, saying why didn't you shout louder? Sounds like he was putting it all back onto you rather than actually saying sorry that he didn't come up.
Unfortunately sounds like he reacted quite defensively, when you really needed a hug. So glad that your little guy is okay.

You need to communicate your needs. You were in a state when you came down and your DH thought you were accusing him. That's why you didn't get the comfort you needed. You could have just told him straight out that you needed a hug because you were frightened. Yes, irrationally so as pp pointed out but it really doesn't matter. We're all irrationnal sometimes when it comes to our beloved children. But unnecessary for this to lead to an argument with your DH. None of you are unreasonable, it's just a matter of miscommunication.

Well, he isn't here to tell us but I'd love to hear his perception of how this all happened.

I didn’t read all the replies but OP. I can understand how it would have been a terrible shock. Your DH should show some empathy.

Indeed there are two sides to every story.

I didn't think I had a reason to be annoyed with him and wasn't so it was pretty surprising he lashed out at me.

The child is 4 years old, not 4 months. No longer at any real risk of cot death etc - anymore than my 14-year-old who is often found comatose, tangled up in bedsheets in the middle of the day.
Yes, your DH could have been more supportive of you because you'd had a panic episode. But no, there was no rational reason whatsoever to have this reaction in the first place. So YABU.