To think this reaction is self absorbed.

[Mrsmozza123]

So. Everyone is fine but.
I went to check on my 4 year DS while he was sleeping. He'd taken his duvet out of the cover got inside the duvet cover and wrapped himself in it. I found him tangled and for a terrible split second I thought he could have strangled or suffocated. He was fine, a bit hot but definitely breathing and moving. Thank goodness.
I called my DH for help a few times and he shouted back "Yes?".
Eventually once I knew DS was safe I went downstairs to tell DH what had happened. I was really shaken.
DH seemed more concerned that i was having a go at him for not coming upstairs. I really wasn't.
I was expecting him to hug me or say thank goodness he's OK, to share my concern.

Instead he was saying "well you didn't sound very panicked, how was it supposed to know you needed me?"
And
"Sounds like you've just come downstairs to have a go at me"
I just walked off, I've had a little cup of tea and a cry on my own because I can't sleep.

We've all had brief moments of irrational panic. The difference is, after we snap out of it most people acknowledge it's irrational, maybe laugh and feel a bit embarrassed.

You said your dh "minimised your feelings" but that's the sensible thing to do here, imo. Not indulge/promote irrational fears.

I would have panicked and been shaken up, being rational isn't always possible when it's our kids. For everyone that's saying you're overreacting I don't see how, you see your child in a way that made you question his safety.
Hope you feel better tomorrow

I’d have been anxious finding my child like that, but I don’t think help was needed. It only takes one person to untangle a child from bedding. How do you think single parents manage these things?

Quietly suffocating to death on their bedsheets is simply not a thing that happens to able-bodied four-year-olds. It’s as likely to happen to him as it is to you.

Because if his breathing was obstructed he'd be (or have been) noisily thrashing around trying to get himself free, not lying there peacefully.

Op, are you still genuinely worried he was in danger?

I can’t remember the exact words, but a few posters said it was impossible, either accidentally or deliberately. I’m just pointing out, although rare to do it accidentally, it is possible. Maybe google it? Rare, but it can happen.

This sounds awful. Not sure why so many posters are being arseholes. Thank goodness he was okay!

He explained why he didn't react the way you expected.
Same as you're explaining why you reacted the way you did.

No one is wrong, child is fine so why aren't you happy about that?

That's why other posters are mentioning anxiety.

You could be relieved child is fine, enjoy your tea and believe your husband's answer.
But you're on here blaming him, crying and yes, being snappy with posters.

It's really just how little he cared.

And how his reaction was to get pissed that I was telling him.

Just felt a bit lonely.

I don't see how a four year old could suffocate inside a duvet cover. Even if they were inside and it was fully popped shut, it's just fabric and totally breathable?
I don't think he did anything terrible. Though I can see you were obviously upset.

I dint think he did explain though. Just got annoyed at "being accused" when I tried to tell him what had happened.

It doesn’t matter whether the strangling scenario is likely / possible or not (and actually, freak accidents do happen from time to time). In the moment the OP walked in, it looked to her as if her son had come to harm - and she got a huge fright. We don’t have a chance to think things over in these split seconds - we react. I’m sure every single person commenting here has at some point had a fright that wasn’t warranted!!

OP - ignore the unsympathetic comments. I totally understand why you had a scare. Must have been horrible. I imagine your husband didn’t really appreciate the extent of it as it’s one of those things that sounds much less dramatic in the telling than it was in the moment.

It was so tightly twisted round his neck he had red marks.
Regardless of the end outcome that's a scary way to find a little one.

Why on earth would you think he wasn't breathing? That's not a rational, proportional interpretation. It's pretty extreme catastrophising.

I know your question wasn't aimed at me but I'd shake him, realise he was and think 'phew!'.

I've had 3 DC and at one time or another, I'm pretty sure I did this with all of them 🤷‍♂️

Why is it?

I did that, but the brief moment before the "phew" was frankly horrifying.

My post is more about my husband choosing to have a go at me and feel sorry for himself.

But surely you shook him straight away and realised immediately he wasn't dead?

That's why I don't get why you called your husband up the stairs at all?

Because able bodied children don't strangle themselves in their duvets. As indeed your 4 year old demonstrated.

He was fine. Nothing was wrong.
You scared yourself, shouted repeatedly for DP then had a cry because your partner didn't engage with the drama you'd concocted.

It all seems a bit much. If you were honestly worried, why isn't your reaction relief that your son is fine rather than getting angry with your partner and snarky at posters here?

@Mrsmozza123 that does sound scary. But a bedsheet or blanket or his clothes could have a similar effect. I'm glad he's alright.

This feels like nit picking.

He was in a right pickle with sheets all tangled.

He'd got his duvet out of the cover.
His pillow inside his duvet, a pair of slippers in there. A pair of pants wrapped tightly round one wrist.
His fitted sheet was off and also tangled up in the mess with his duvet cover.
Can only assume he was playing "camping" but it needed a fair bit of sorting out.

I think everyone just assumes he's just got his sheet over his face but he'd honestly got himself in a right tangled mess.

It sounds like it gave you such a big fright, you thought something awful had happened to your child. He obviously didn't see what had happened, so in his eyes you are overreacting and maybe he's seeing your panic response as anger when you are just expressing your worry. You wanted him to reassure you, but he dismissed you instead. I understand why you felt panic in that moment, but the drama afterwards was probably a bit more excessive then it needed to be.

They can and they do.

You've really missed the point.

DH had a go at me because I "didn't sound panicked enough"

I really wasn't being dramatic though.

I just came down and told DH what had happened and he got angry with me.

This is the whole issue I have.

He got angry with me.