To think this reaction is self absorbed.

[Mrsmozza123]

So. Everyone is fine but.
I went to check on my 4 year DS while he was sleeping. He'd taken his duvet out of the cover got inside the duvet cover and wrapped himself in it. I found him tangled and for a terrible split second I thought he could have strangled or suffocated. He was fine, a bit hot but definitely breathing and moving. Thank goodness.
I called my DH for help a few times and he shouted back "Yes?".
Eventually once I knew DS was safe I went downstairs to tell DH what had happened. I was really shaken.
DH seemed more concerned that i was having a go at him for not coming upstairs. I really wasn't.
I was expecting him to hug me or say thank goodness he's OK, to share my concern.

Instead he was saying "well you didn't sound very panicked, how was it supposed to know you needed me?"
And
"Sounds like you've just come downstairs to have a go at me"
I just walked off, I've had a little cup of tea and a cry on my own because I can't sleep.

So she doesn't get to say her DH's reaction is the wrong one.

Most people are not disputing the panic, it's the behaviour afterwards where OP is accusing him of making it about him (the irony!) and disagreeing with anyone who doesn't see it her way.

I've "lost" kids when out and about a couple of times.

Your body runs cold and althogh you're relieved when you find them, the adrenaline is still pumping.

That's why people are saying OP might have sounded accusatory to DH without realising, but she won't have any of it.

Why does it matter what time OP was posting?

And why do you consider it attention-seeking to politely challenge people who aren’t being very kind or empathetic?

Do you think OP should have just shut up and sloped off in the face of that?

YES. She does get to say that her husband getting angry was wrong. Not bring empathic is a bit shit. Getting angry with her was wrong. Obviously.

The reason I know i didn't sound accusatory is because I couldn't get a word in for him yelling.

If I'd had chance to speak much, maybe I could have but the man wouldn't let me speak.

You imagined for a moment that something bad had happened, but quickly realised it hadn't. To not make a drama out of it is not "hiding information" from him, it is responding in a proportionate manner.

Obviously, if something bad had actually happened, he would need to know immediately.

But nothing happened.

Thank you, exactly.
I'm trying to reiterate my OP to stop the thread from being derailed wildly off topic.

OMG, he yelled at you? Does he do this often?

Something did happen. She had a shock. She tried to explain she’d had a shock and he yelled at her. I know his type and I know exactly what that looks like. She needs our support. Don’t assume that this is some poor hard done to husband. He was shouting angrily at his wife because he thought (thought!) she was being critical.

Didn't get a word in?
From what you said earlier as below, he raised his voice towards the end......

Sounds like unnecessary dramatics like others have said.
No self awareness, no self reflection.

When you posted, did you expect everyone to agree with you?

In my OP I said, I went downstairs and told him what had happened.
Like "fck, that was horrible I just found our DS tangled in his sheet...he'd done x,y,z and j really panicked for a minute"
DH "why didn't you shout louder"
Me "He's fine now but I was shouting for you to help. I'm just a bit shaken now but hes OK"
DH "why are you just coming downstairs to have a go at me"
Me "I'm not, I'm just a bit upset I thought for a moment something awful had happened"
DH [Raises voice] "Well it just sounds like you came down to have a go at me"*

If you read my post, I'm clearly pointing out that the OP has been clung like a barnacle to the very people she's calling 'vipers', almost around the clock.

She got a brief shock at 10pm last night, fell out with her husband about it and has been dragging out ever since.

That's her choice but why bite the hand that's giving her the attention she wants?

That's what I find a bit strange 🤷‍♂️

Ok. So let’s imagine for a moment she did sound accusatory because she was stressed. Let’s also imagine that when he heard her call he couldn’t be arsed to move and knew that was a dick move so was primed and expecting to be criticised.

What he COULD have done was ask calmly ‘are you cross with me?’ Or ‘oh sorry I didn’t come up, are you ok?’ Or ‘you sound stressed, are you ok?’ Or a number of other adult responses.

Instead he assumed she was cross (and to be honest, it would be understandable if she was, as he’d not responded to her calling) and instead of pausing to think, yelled at her.

This is not acceptable behaviour.

Your husband shouldn't be yelling at you, but people do get angry and raise their voice when frustrated.

Do you often find yourselves in conflict about this kind of thing? Is it possible he thinks you "cry wolf" for attention?

Only you know the answers to these questions, but be honest with yourself. You don't seem to like each other very much.

Perhaps you need some counselling to explore why you need patting and stroking over something that didn't happen (not necessarily unreasonable unless it's a constant demand) and why he is unsympathetic.

Maybe he does find your behaviour "self-absorbed", in which case it's understandable that he will be annoyed by it rather than sympathetic.

It doesn't matter how many people on Mumsnet tell you he's a bastard and you're a saint, it won't help your relationship if you don't both face up to your own roles in this conflict.

Your child is fine. That is the most important thing.

Exactly this. Sounds like OP had plenty to say before he allegedly yelled and now he’s yelled from the second she got downstairs that she couldn’t say a word.

Threads like this are frustrating.

It’s the constant sucking the life out of you that does it. Me! me! me! help me! from DH that’s the last straw. She’d been up half the night with the babes while he slept! She did look after him. As parents you’re a tag team period. Stop beefing boy and help your wife! Sounds like a big baby….

OP the more you respond to the nitpicking the more fuel you give to nitpick with.
Stop justifying yourself. You don't have to. x

Clung like a barnacle?

Or calmly and politely clarified misunderstanding and challenged unempathetic words from other mothers, who she turned to fo compassion, support and kind advice, in the face of a shock and potential abuse - a DH who gets defensive and yells at her.

Why are you using such emotive language?

We should all remember women who are in potentially abusive or unhappy relationships post on here to sense-check their feelings and seek support. Others are considering posting. It can be the first step before reaching out to family, friends or agencies that can help.

Having seen the reaction this OP has received, there’s a real risk other women have been put off asking for advice, and will suffer in silence for longer, for fear they’re judged as attention-seeking and dramatic.

You said “It's a common theme sadly.”

The biggest takeaway for you in this thread is that you have communication issues with your DH.

If you genuinely can’t see how snarky you’ve been in response to posters here, it may illuminate that you have some communication ‘blind spots’. You also don’t think your tone with your DH was accusatory, but he obviously thought it was.

The ‘self absorbed’ from the thread title is about him. HE got unnecessarily angry and made it all about him.

She hasn't been snarky, just matter of fact. You think it's 'snarky' because she's not just passively accepting her telling off.

I disagree with most posters, the husband was a jerk in this instance, and the OP is merely responding to quite snappy, unnecessary posts.

Show us where she has been snarky. She has been assertively stating her view. She hasn’t engaged in fawning or placating but she has been direct and has defended herself against the blaming, minimising, nit picking and gas lighting she has received IMO.

💯

Bloody hell. She has simply communicated with him what happened.

This is exactly the kind of thing my narcissistic personality style DH does. Following this brief exchange he probably continued his angry tirade convinced she was an evil harpy who was out to get him.

Stop nit picking and see the humanity. She had a massive shock. She told him. He got angry. He is a twat.

Oh Meeow…
don’t you know you’ve become a moaning sub conscious?