To think this reaction is self absorbed.

[Mrsmozza123]

So. Everyone is fine but.
I went to check on my 4 year DS while he was sleeping. He'd taken his duvet out of the cover got inside the duvet cover and wrapped himself in it. I found him tangled and for a terrible split second I thought he could have strangled or suffocated. He was fine, a bit hot but definitely breathing and moving. Thank goodness.
I called my DH for help a few times and he shouted back "Yes?".
Eventually once I knew DS was safe I went downstairs to tell DH what had happened. I was really shaken.
DH seemed more concerned that i was having a go at him for not coming upstairs. I really wasn't.
I was expecting him to hug me or say thank goodness he's OK, to share my concern.

Instead he was saying "well you didn't sound very panicked, how was it supposed to know you needed me?"
And
"Sounds like you've just come downstairs to have a go at me"
I just walked off, I've had a little cup of tea and a cry on my own because I can't sleep.

I hope you're ok OP. I'm not going to interrogate you about the duvet and the sheet or whether your child is disabled etc because that would be fucking stupid and seem almost designed to dismiss your feelings and upset you more.

It sounds like your husband couldn't be bothered to go upstairs. Answering 'yes'? like that was a lazy, nasty response and you're not wrong to be upset about it.

Is he generally like that when it comes to his parenting responsibilities?

A real event where life was actually in danger, completely.

OP’s experience doesn’t quite sound like that. I’ve had a couple of moments where DC sleep awkwardly or look like they’re choking and the fear is real for sure, but it’s still a non issue as it’s my own interpretation of an event rather than what actually happened.

Agree. I think some of it was me beating myself up. He went to bed at 8 and I didn't check until 10. I feel terrible that I didn't know he was in a pickle.
DS does like to prat about reading a book and chatting to himself for 10-20 min before drifting off so I don't like to interrupt him until I know he's asleep.
I'll be going in sooner from now on.

Weird to think that quite a lot of people seem to think what OP should have done is

• Walk in and see her son in what looked like a potentially life threatening situation
• Not feel any emotions or panic
• Not called out for DH even though that's DS's dad
• Confirmed that DS was alive (or maybe not even checked he was okay as apparently there is nothing concerning about this scene at all and who would worry about a young child have their face covered and something twisted around their neck anyway?)
• Either felt nothing about the 'non event' or laughed about it

I don't know what world some of you are living in but it doesn't feel like one with normal human responses or emotions

Glad he’s finally understood and shown some love.

If you feel he’s generally checked out, there’s obvs a deeper reason this has got to you. You need to openly communicate about that too.

Could he be traumatised or worried about something and hasn’t confided in you? If he’s in the military, could he have witnessed something he’s unable to share with you or wants to protect you from knowing? Could he be struggling to come back from working away for a long spell to family life as a co-parent? Or does he have worries about your relationship or (hope not and don’t want to worry you) feelings for someone else?

Agreed.

my wee boy does this all the time. First time I got a fright and then found out he was fine, moved him and went downstairs to my husband saying ‘you’ll never guess what son has done, laugh laugh laugh’

I think you need to learn to calm yourself down and not rely on others to regulate your feelings. Especially if you think your dh is self absorbed.

I’m glad you’re getting more understanding posts this morning.

You had a shock, you called your husband and he didn’t come. You explained what had happened when you went downstairs and your husband made it about himself.

I’d be annoyed as well.

I once found my son on the floor. He is disabled and slept in a sleeping system. Somehow he had wriggled around it so fell out of bed, As he wasn’t moving I honestly thought he was dead. Thankfully, he was fine. I felt awful that we had assumed he couldn’t move, I felt awful I hadn’t heard him fall, I felt awful he had probably laid there a long time. My husband wasn’t a prick so understood my alarm. He fixed the bed to prevent it happening again.

No one can say how they would feel seeing their four year old wrapped up in a sheet tidied around their neck, with the child not moving. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

OP just wanted her husband to acknowledge the situation and he didn’t.

I’m glad you’ve cleared the air this morning @Mrsmozza123.

We’ve all been there, so try not to beat yourself up too much. But, as co-parents, you should both take responsibility for checking on your children.

It wasn't funny it was dangerous.

When DS was younger he used to crawl into the body of his onesie and get his kees stuck so he was in a little ball. That was funny.
He also used to get out of bed and sleep underbed or make a bed on the floor with his teddies. Also funny.

Sheets twisted round his neck?

Absolutely
Not
Funny.

No. It doesn’t matter how realistic the threat was. It’s whether your lower brain perceived it to be so in the moment. It floods the body with adrenaline. Your frontal cortex can then process it and rationalise it but it can absolutely be traumatic.

But he’s literally fine. You said that. So what do you want out of this thread? Is it just to bash your husbands husbands response?

you will come across times when kids do things that scare us as parents. It’s bloody terrifying. But you need to learn to cope with it or you’ll be constantly a nervous wreck throughout your life.

maybe your husband could have said ‘is he ok’ and thats fine. But because he didn’t respond the way you wanted, it’s still ok. I get you’ve had a fright but i think you need to move on now and leave the hysteria behind. Because everyone is fine! I’ve not read your updates so hopefully you have.

What hysteria?

Also, I never said it was funny. I said laugh laugh laugh in more a relieved ‘,can’t believe that’ kind of way. Should have made that clear. It’s not funny. But kids scare us constantly.

This whole thread.

This is yet another AIBU post where the OP does NOT want to hear people's opinions on whether she's being unreasonable, she only wants to hear opinions that back up her own rather drama queen behaviour.
Yawn.

What does "laugh, laugh, laugh" mean if not funny?

I’ve literally explained in the body of the text.

Hysteria? Where’s the hysteria?

OP did calm herself down. She made herself a cup of tea and had a little cry alone to let the shock out. As most of us would if we were alone.

But the point is, she wasn’t alone. The child’s other parent and her DP was there. He should have shown empathy for OP and checked on his son himself. A co-parent and DP (or even a friend) who benignly says ‘is he OK?’ rather than be proactive, is a rather low bar.

I have been continually reiterating the same points that are in my OP. That DS gave me a fright and DH managed to make himself the victim.

It's all the replies that talk to hysterica, anxiety issues. I'm apparently self absorbed. A bad parent. A bad wife.
I've apparently lashed out at my husband, overreacted to a perceived danger and blamed my husband.
It's those piling on that seem hysterical to me.

Lots of us telling OP she needs to work on her anxiety DO gave anxiety issues that's how we know that pandering to them isn't helpful!

"Pandering to them isn't helpful"

Gosh what a generous spirit

Ok. I didn’t say any of that though.

Your husband sounds a right fucking arsehole to be fair. is he normally so selfish?

I don't understand?

Most people only laugh when things are funny.

What other emotions cause you to laugh? I'm not familiar with this concept.

This is yet another AIBU post where some posters do NOT want to understand or respond to the scenario being presented, they only want to offer opinions that back up their own rather aggressive behaviour.
Yawn.

OP says she feels her DH has checked out. There are clearly deeper issues.