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Original poster

Moving to the US – Am I Bonkers?

877 replies

keithmoo · 08/02/2025 16:28

DH has just been offered a job in the US, and it’s a really good opportunity – more money, career progression, and all that jazz. It would mean uprooting the DC (6 and 3) and moving to a completely new country, which is giving me the absolute fear. We’d likely be going to a mid-sized city in the Midwest (think Ohio/Indiana sort of area), which I know very little about apart from what I’ve seen in films – which I assume isn’t entirely accurate!

Has anyone done this? What’s the reality of life in the US as a Brit? I’m worried about things like healthcare (I’ve heard horror stories), schooling (seems like it varies wildly), and just generally settling in. Also, I’m a bit concerned about making friends – I’ve heard Americans can be friendly but in a surface-level way, and I don’t want to be stuck in some weird expat bubble.

Would love any advice from those who’ve made the move. What were the biggest culture shocks? Any regrets? What do I need to know that no one tells you?

Also, please reassure me that I won’t have to live off terrible coffee and weird chocolate for the foreseeable…

OP posts:
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9
WeeOrcadian · 08/02/2025 16:40

Having never lived in the US, but had conversations about moving there, you're insane

Trump

Need I say more?

madaboutpurple · 08/02/2025 16:43

Healthcare costs would be a massive issue as far as I am concerned. I agree with the first comment ref to Trump. I would not want to live in a country he was in charge of.

Another2356 · 08/02/2025 16:44

Hi. I moved to the US for 8 years and then returned home. I have mountains of advice I can offer from cultural, tax and social differences. It can be a fantastic opportunity if you approach is right and see it as a life time adventure. I don’t know how to connect to give you advice. Alternatively if you provide a list of Qs perhaps I can respond and prepare u for a big but interesting culture shock. E

DeathStarCanteenGal · 08/02/2025 16:44

are you of an age where you might need reproductive healthcare? because there are obviously restrictions on abortion in parts of the US, so if this is something that could impact you think carefully.
I've had great times in America, but I also would want to live there with school age kids, just because I wouldn't want them to have to learn what to do if a gunman is in their school. But that's me

Mischance · 08/02/2025 16:45

This is no time to be moving to the US. The lunatic has taken over the asylum.

outerspacepotato · 08/02/2025 16:45

US here.

Things are really, really in flux right now and there's a big amount of upheaval. The massive shakeups and data breaches and closures of entire systems on the federal level are going to trickle down to the state and local levels.

Ohio and Indiana are quite conservative states. Health care is a major expense. For 4, he had better look up costs. It can run as much as a mortgage plus there's always the costs that aren't covered that creep in. Education is hanging on barely, health care is shit, and conservative Christianity is politicizing everything.

I have one kid leaving the US and another who might.

Whoarethoseguys · 08/02/2025 16:46

At the moment, sorry yes I think you are crazy to consider it.

username299 · 08/02/2025 16:46

I'd be very concerned about guns. Thousands are killed each year including children. It's a time of unrest at the moment with the orange one.

Another2356 · 08/02/2025 16:48

Per my previous message, please PM me. Don’t miss out on what could be an amazing life experience!! Ignore the naysayers who have never been. USA is the land of gr8 opportunity.

Verlaine · 08/02/2025 16:49

Absolutely insane. The country is being run by right wing nutters, women’s healthcare is being decimated, in fact all healthcare is being decimated. Gun crime in schools is a daily occurrence. And the mid-west is also dull as fuck. ‘Mid-western skies, so grey and so cold’

Also the risk of divorce and husband being allowed to keep the children in the US.

is it any good for your career?

Verlaine · 08/02/2025 16:50

I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a civil war in the US in the next few years.

snoopyfanaccountant · 08/02/2025 16:51

I have a school friend who has been in the US for 25 years. He and his DW are both originally from the UK and have dual nationality. Their DC were born in the US and they are all well settled there. They are currently considering moving back to the UK.

Sherararara · 08/02/2025 16:52

There are numerous threads on here about the same. Take a look. All the nay-sayers will go on about Trump/guns/school shootings/healthcare. The people who have actually done it will largely tell you it was a positive experience, myself included. Assuming financially you are well covered and that especially includes healthcare provision my your DH company then you should be good to go. When we were there (Texas) we had the kids in the local British international school which was great. I would go back in a heart beat if the opportunity came up again, even with Trump round 2. If you don’t do it you will regret it. Worse case you can always come back if it doesn’t work out.

kiraric · 08/02/2025 16:53

Another2356 · 08/02/2025 16:48

Per my previous message, please PM me. Don’t miss out on what could be an amazing life experience!! Ignore the naysayers who have never been. USA is the land of gr8 opportunity.

I have lived in the US and I am a naysayer, I am afraid.

I would be more on the fence about the east coast but no way I would want to move to the mid West at this point in time

Half my friends from the US are trying to emigrate.

I had a wonderful few years there 20 years ago, I am not anti American at all but in the current political climate, it would be madness

PixiePonies · 08/02/2025 16:54

You will hear a lot from the hysterical saying ‘ bad orange man’, ‘end of the world’. Ignore them.

its a great opportunity in a country that actually has both the will and ability to grow and do well.

or you could stay here. With ever decreasing GDP per capita, broken schools, legalised shoplifting/burglary (because no one is ever caught or prosecuted), etc.

take the opportunity. I’m lived in the US for a while. Wish I could have stayed.

Utterlyexhausted · 08/02/2025 16:54

Follow Milliehart01 on TikTok. She moved from the west mids to Ohio a few years ago and her videos are great. She's also on IG. Her earlier ones are probably more relevant to your situation but either way she's showing how to navigate the USA from the uk (with a child with autism).

Neighneigh · 08/02/2025 16:54

Even on a good day, everything mentioned above would be issues; healthcare costs, education standards, guns (gifting bullet proof rucksacks to primary age kids? Yes thats exactly how to tackle gun crime), how little holiday allowance your husband would probably get. But these are not good days for the US. Yes, I've been, lots. Got British friends out there, both working out how to get back soon. I would rather send dh alone than go with, especially with kids.

Verlaine · 08/02/2025 16:55

Ignore the naysayers who have never been. USA is the land of gr8 opportunity.

@Another2356

  1. you can’t just decide that everyone that has a different opinion to you has never been to America, or lived there!
  2. you don’t have to currently live there to see it’s a country which is FUCKED currently and is in a precarious dangerous situation
  3. you lived there during a completely different period of time.
Bestthriller · 08/02/2025 16:55

You make no mention about your life in terms of your job? Family? Friends?

theduchessofspork · 08/02/2025 16:56

Errrr generally I’d say go for a couple years as an adventure, but not sure I would right now.

The Mid West is not the most exciting bit of the US as I am sure you know, and with Trump on top of that, probably not.

and I like America, to be clear

LittleRedRidingHoody · 08/02/2025 16:57

I've considered it, and travel there a lot for work.

I think the upside is, depending on where you live, you may see a huge rise in your standard of living. My roles salary (and lots of roles!) would essentially double to match the US salary benchmarks whereas costs don't rise that much. If you're cash strapped (as many are right now) life may get much 'easier' or fun as you'll be able to afford more!

Cons.. Trump, Trump supporters, guns. My US colleagues with kids are terrified for another school shooting, and all their kids are used to constant drills/protective measures. There is some serious racism which seems to be getting worse, as well as a pretty lax opinion of violence/gun 'use' as something that just happens. I've come across more than a few avid Trump supporters who clearly have been happily brainwashed (as in - repeat clear lies Trump has said as gospel, and refuse to believe there's proof otherwise).

Bestthriller · 08/02/2025 16:57

Another2356 · 08/02/2025 16:48

Per my previous message, please PM me. Don’t miss out on what could be an amazing life experience!! Ignore the naysayers who have never been. USA is the land of gr8 opportunity.

How long ago did you leave?
did you have young children or indeed any children at the time?
and the move was for your job. Correct?

theduchessofspork · 08/02/2025 16:57

PixiePonies · 08/02/2025 16:54

You will hear a lot from the hysterical saying ‘ bad orange man’, ‘end of the world’. Ignore them.

its a great opportunity in a country that actually has both the will and ability to grow and do well.

or you could stay here. With ever decreasing GDP per capita, broken schools, legalised shoplifting/burglary (because no one is ever caught or prosecuted), etc.

take the opportunity. I’m lived in the US for a while. Wish I could have stayed.

Oh don’t be daft

Both the US and the UK are in bad places right now

delvan · 08/02/2025 16:58

Send the DH over to make the dollars. You stay here and keep your home. Places like Indiana and Ohio are not that far away for visits back and forth. I wouldn't risk uprooting from my home country, but if the deal is good enough, might be worth it for him and eventually you and family.

in US you would probably be a SAHM, unable to work due to visa restrictions. Would you be OK with that? Would you be OK with your kids doing "shooter" drills in the classroom? Would you be OK with all the healthcare costs, and restrictions to adequate women's health? etc.

Madcats · 08/02/2025 16:58

My British sister in law has lived out there for decades and both my recent neighbours in the UK had lived in US for most of their lives.

Church seemed to feature quite heavily in their lives (less so for the Californian academic). Charity/Philanthropy also.

Check the weather for the town where you are likely to be based. SiL either seems to be under a blanket of snow or baking hot.