Moving to the US – Am I Bonkers?

[keithmoo]

DH has just been offered a job in the US, and it’s a really good opportunity – more money, career progression, and all that jazz. It would mean uprooting the DC (6 and 3) and moving to a completely new country, which is giving me the absolute fear. We’d likely be going to a mid-sized city in the Midwest (think Ohio/Indiana sort of area), which I know very little about apart from what I’ve seen in films – which I assume isn’t entirely accurate!

Has anyone done this? What’s the reality of life in the US as a Brit? I’m worried about things like healthcare (I’ve heard horror stories), schooling (seems like it varies wildly), and just generally settling in. Also, I’m a bit concerned about making friends – I’ve heard Americans can be friendly but in a surface-level way, and I don’t want to be stuck in some weird expat bubble.

Would love any advice from those who’ve made the move. What were the biggest culture shocks? Any regrets? What do I need to know that no one tells you?

Also, please reassure me that I won’t have to live off terrible coffee and weird chocolate for the foreseeable…

We did a company move to Cincinnati for four years.

We were well looked-after by the company, so were able to live in a good area with excellent schools. There were loads of other expats, but our neighbours were lovely too. Some of them could be quite superficial, but there are enough Americans that hate this too, and so it's good to hook up with them.

It's hard not to spend a lot of time in the car.

You have to get involved in so many trappings as the school insists, such as Valentine's Day and Halloween, but everything else is fairly easy to avoid.

Am I correct in thinking that in American cities there are areas that white people just don't go? The residents know these areas and if you go to live in a city you would be well advised to find out where they are.

My sister and brother in law told a story of their holiday in the US where they were wandering around a city. A police car stopped and told them to get in. The police took them somewhere else and told them never do that again.

I don't think I would want to live in a city where I can't just wander around. I used to live in Brixton in London where I felt safe in the day time although I wouldn't wander around anywhere late at night.

Pretty much where I live in Portland, Maine.

Portland Maine is gorgeous.

Portland is gorgeous but there are some disadvantages to Maine being so small population wise. Boston is much like you describe. There are a lot of lovely suburbs and smaller towns along the Boston-DC corridor as well as the cities. Liberal and mild climate makes me think Seattle or Portland but as they are newer cities they are less walkable.

Places white people don't go: Yes, sometimes. But not as many as you might think or that are truly unsafe, and the places that are unsafe aren't safe for non-white people either. There were some bits of London I never felt totally safe in, though more as a woman than because of race.

Not that I've found; that's why I'm here!

Agreed. The posters advising OP to pause and consider legitimate concerns are giving good advice. I'm American and live in the Northeastern US; if my employer offered me a role that required moving to Ohio or Indiana, I would absolutely decline, regardless of any compensation increase or perks. Not a chance would I move there.

@keithmoo

Given that we've just gotten an anti-vax conspiracy theorist idiot who says he has 'a worm in his brain' as our Secretary of Health & Human Services, if you're still contemplating moving here I'd advise you to be sure that you, DH, and your children are fully vaccinated before you come. If you have to pay out of pocket for Chicken Pox vax, do so. And pay special attention to the health insurance coverage offered by your DH's employer. We will probably see a great deal of 'crazy' at the CDC and also exclusionary practices when it comes to health insurance.

And the way it's going with the Dept of Education, if Ms Pro Wrestling (Linda McMahon) is approved as I'm sure she will be you may want to be sure you either move to a financially healthy blue state where a good education will be a state legislative priority, or that you can afford private education. This is especially true if you have any DC with special needs. States will need to be able to make up for the loss of federal funding, and many, many states (especially in the South & parts of the Midwest) will simply not have the financial resources to do so and/or their 'MAGA-leaning' state government won't permit any new legislation to make up the shortfall. Trump wants to ensure that he has an under-educated underclass to lead round by the nose.

Frankly, these two things frighten me more than guns ever will.

I'm West Coast and I agree. I'd rather chew glass.

@AcrossthePond55 ”Trump wants to ensure that he has an under-educated underclass to lead round by the nose.”

I think he’s all about reducing state expenditure rather than any ‘dumb them down’ policy. He’s likely got less than 10 years to live. There is no grand plan.

He doesn't personally have forever but he's leading a whole movement. Project 2025 etc.

I would love for Ned Flanders to be my neighbor …

A scrupulous and devout Evangelical Christian, he is among the friendliest and most compassionate of Springfield's residents and is generally considered a pillar of the Springfield community.

Chicago?

Interesting buildings everywhere you turn, historic areas, lots to do, all sorts of cultural attractions, great restaurants, Lake Michigan recreation, accessible hiking/ biking trails galore, no fundamentalism discernible, shopping, neighborhoods, excellent local supermarkets and small chains, lots of international selections, global cuisines, Farmers' Markets, Kristkindlemarket, public transport, world class universities and hospitals, can get cold in winter though.

This is because illegal guns are a serious problem, and that's only going to keep getting worse with 3D printing and ghost guns.

However, gun crime tends to happen in certain parts of Chicago, in East St Louis, and other small cities around the state like Peoria, Springfield, Rockford, Joliet, Champaign, Decatur, Chicago Heights, Benton (gun crime per capita).

If you live away from the hotspots you will generally feel completely safe.

I agree with WeeOrcadian.
Trump
Musk
Disaster

I feel a bit sorry for the OP. All she wanted to know was about day-to-day life in a particular part of the USA , and what she gets is recommendations to go elsewhere and political opinions which frankly no one know will pan out.

OP, first of all congratulations on the opportunity. I know that I am certainly better off for spending several years in that part of the world (Cincinnati OH). No, I didn't experience Trump, but did do two years under Reagan, and then four years around 9/11 crazies. We have an appalling government over here in the UK, but we just get on with living life as best we can.

To add to my earlier post, healthcare and schooling are definitely easier if you are affluent. Your employer should provide health insurance which will should match fairly closely to the NHS, but will have somethings that are better and other things that are worse. Regardless of funding, the healthcare culture is different in the US - it's more consultant led rather than going to a GP for primary care.

There aren't many private schools around in that area, and they are very expensive. You should make sure you live in a good school district if you can, but expect to pay more taxes for this and have endless fundraisers. You are guaranteed a place in your local school district, so no anguish about the application process you get here. I think the UK system is better (I'm a teacher, btw), as the US system seems very old fashioned and very much based on learning facts. As the children get older, they take classes for credits, similar to the university system. Saying that, many people believe that the UK system forces kids to specialise too early. Unless you are staying for a long time, there's no point in worrying about this.

Most people just get on with their lives day-to-day, same as here. That means shopping for food, cooking, cleaning etc. It's no diffferent there. You can get good quality food, despite the aisle and aisles of boxed processed food.

It is a very comfortable place to live - wide roads, no parking problems. You might have to drive a bit for day to day stuff, depending on where you live and put up with endless traffic lights. If you live in a cul-de-sac, your kids will be able to play in the street. The school summer holidays are hot and long, so join a pool club if you can.

TV is rubbish.

What is so bad about Ohio and Indiana?

Absolutely nothing.

It’s fine if you don’t prefer the Midwest but some people act like it’s fucking Afghanistan. I mean, rather chew glass? Come ON

I would take Ohio over Indiana despite its rightward political turn. Indiana... It's a conservative state that's heavy on farming. Driving through Indiana is: Corn field, row of trees, corn field, row of trees, soybean field, repeat. Indianapolis is, in a word, boring, and it's really the only good-sized city. the universities are actually great, though.

Ohio is more diverse, has some interesting cities, has a bit more of a landscape (eastern Ohio is Appalachia). That said, it would depend on which city. If it's Cleveland, Columbus, or Cincinnati, those all have options. Also, it has the best non-Disney amusement park in the world, Cedar Point (best place to go for roller coasters).

Neither is the worst part of the US though. Not by a mile. The western Great Plains wins.

I’d be worried about gun attacks on schools and paying for healthcare (huge flaws with their insurance model).

Longer term you could have real issues too, say you hate it but DH loves it, or your DC settle but you want to return home. You could end up there forever because your DC decide to remain, and you’re forever torn. How would you manage away from family and friends - support network? How are the local schools? US state schools can be poor and Trump is talking about abolishing their education department!

Unless it was the absolute job of a lifetime that your DH was dying to try, I think I’d pass.

I wouldn't go anywhere Trump had been voted in.

Point of correction: America has no national curriculum. Education has always been directed from the state level. So ofc there is a lot of discussion about what the DoE actually does—and if their current mandate can be simply handled by the state BoEs.

Ohio has some very good public schools btw they are of course concentrated in wealthy suburbs of the big three cities (Cleveland, Cincinnati, Columbus) while the city public school system is to be avoided (for reasons I’ll not get into, but won’t affect OP as most families don’t live in the city)

When relocating, you would be told where the good schools are located. Property taxes will be high in those areas, but you won’t pay school fees in any case. However you can also expect such neighborhoods to be safe with low crime rates, this is particularly so in the Midwest.

An expat worker probably will have an excellent healthcare package. It’s always prudent to check, of course, but generally expat workers are very well taken care of.

@RingoJuice

Yes and no. Whilst it is correct that states set up their own educational practices, the DoE does have the ability to decide on disbursement of funds. So if a particular state wanted to teach something truly abhorrent (slavery is good, equality is bad) they could find themselves without the federal funds to pay for other programs. Now, that state could continue to teach that curriculum, but they'd find themselves without funds for other programs they need.

For example, Scrotus has signed an EO 'banning' federal funds for schools that mandate covid vaccines. He's also attempting to deny federal funds to states that support DEI. It will be up to the individual states to decide whether or not they can 'live' without the federal funds in order to keep their policies. Some states will have the state funds to carry on, some won't. So again, the poorer states (and they're usually red states) will suffer. Although they're the least likely to have had those policies in place anyway.

I like america a lot for visiting, but I couldn't move my family there right now. The main reasons being, I couldn't in good faith, have my children go to a school where they have to walk through metal detectors and do active shooter drills. It may be normal there, but it could be pretty frightening for a child not used to it. On top of that it would be reproductive rights, heathcare costs (and yes, private healthcare may be better than the NHS, but guess what, if you don't like the NHS, you can just go private here and it's still cheaper than in the US). Gun control, food and a big one, lack of employment rights and holiday. There are of course pluses too, but overall, I'd have to say no.

We obviously are not going to agree on this, as I don’t think the federal government should interfere in this way.

Don’t forget, one day they withhold funds for things YOU agree with (vaccine mandates). Tomorrow they’ll demand you call a bio man a woman or allow boys to play in girl’s sports or they’ll withhold funds.

Better to let the states handle this as they’ve always done imho.