Moving to the US – Am I Bonkers?

[keithmoo]

DH has just been offered a job in the US, and it’s a really good opportunity – more money, career progression, and all that jazz. It would mean uprooting the DC (6 and 3) and moving to a completely new country, which is giving me the absolute fear. We’d likely be going to a mid-sized city in the Midwest (think Ohio/Indiana sort of area), which I know very little about apart from what I’ve seen in films – which I assume isn’t entirely accurate!

Has anyone done this? What’s the reality of life in the US as a Brit? I’m worried about things like healthcare (I’ve heard horror stories), schooling (seems like it varies wildly), and just generally settling in. Also, I’m a bit concerned about making friends – I’ve heard Americans can be friendly but in a surface-level way, and I don’t want to be stuck in some weird expat bubble.

Would love any advice from those who’ve made the move. What were the biggest culture shocks? Any regrets? What do I need to know that no one tells you?

Also, please reassure me that I won’t have to live off terrible coffee and weird chocolate for the foreseeable…

Women have smear tests 3 yrly on the NHS this has drastically reduced the rate of cervical cancer. I agree that in cases of family history women should have mamograms from a younger age than they currently do. From my experience (SIL is in the US) a lot of routine stuff which is done by midwives, nurses or health visitors here is done by medics over there. For example she had no breast feeding support at all in fact they took the ( perfectly healthly) baby away at night. So I don't think the system over there is always better.

The guns are the only thing that would put me off slightly. But the UK is on a downward spiral and I can only see it getting worse over time. If things carry on as they are then I feel I will have no choice but to encourage my children to make plans to emigrate when they are old enough. Of course your post will attract the usual anti Trump anti Western rhetoric that is typical on here, but don’t let that put you off.

I wouldn't live in a rural area in the first place but especially in the US.

... the thought of starting over socially is probably the bit that worries me most

Again, I'd be astounded if this was an issue in the Midwest of all places.
Despite the image Americans aren't all loud mouthed extroverts, but from personal experience you're likely to have more of a problem deciding which invitations to accept and eating/storing all the cakes and pies the neighbours will make for "the new folk next door"

Depending on where you're housed it's also worth remembering that, while there will be other Brits, the Midwest isn't one of the biggest magnets for them, so locals may be less jaundiced by contact with whingers

Above all you'll very soon notice the can-do mentality and overall positivity, and it can take quite a bit of getting used to after the UK

Yes, I am another who agrees that this is a bad move. No amount of money could convince me to move to the US now. Just no. And I say this as someone who grew up in North America.

Your question shows how little you understand the US. The US is made up of states which are very different. It is like asking should I move to Europe.

Ohio has a low cost of living. But it also has extreme weather. Summer is hot and humid, winters harsh, cold and snowy. It has a reputation for dangerous winter roads. Sports is a big thing in Ohio. Your family will fit in easier if you all like sports. Ohio has a reputation for very friendly locals.

Ohio also has the rust belt, towns that are ex industrial very deprived places. Ohio has a large majority of the population who have been born there and always lived there. Racism is explicit. Some older people will tell racist jokes. Do not move here if you are not white. Poor public transport in most places. High crime in some places.

Be aware that moving abroad is always challenging. It is harder if you are not working. Do not do it if your marriage is at all shaky. It will put stress on your marriage.

But you might think it is all worth it for a new experience. Be aware if you live there for more than a few years, it can be hard to move your children back to the UK. Your children are young, after 5 or 6 years living in the US they will become American in their attitudes and are unlikely to want to love country.

Why though?

Absolutely not. I’m American and I left 14 years ago and even back then could not get out fast enough. Quite a few of my American friends are currently looking for ways to get out right now. Health care costs, violent crime, right wing extremism are bad enough, but realistically, it’s in the middle of a coup at the moment and incredibly politically unstable. I wouldn’t even feel comfortable going back to visit with my dc.

I spent some time working with colleagues in Denver. One told me before play dates she had to ask what the family’s gun policy was. She’d been to one house where the young kids were racing in and out of daddy’s man cave which had 30 or 40 guns in it.

My son was due to be going to the states in September as part of his degree. He’s just found out he’ll be in Canada and I’m delighted.

Friends who’ve lived over in America really enjoyed it and found people friendly. But they also mentioned how difficult it was to eat healthily. Eg tinned tomatoes have salt and sugar. The attitude to drunk driving also surprised me. This was in Virginia ;poor public transport) and they said there were some roads they would not go on at particular times as drinks would be coming back from Virginia Beach.

Im interested in your decision OP.

I met up with a friend over Christmas who was offered a big job in the US, they've relocated to Arkansas with 2 young DC. They used to live in a 1950s semi detached in a commuter home county. They now have a massive house. Their quality of life has improved. She loves the outdoors and they are always out hiking/cycling.
She loves her job and her colleagues, however, she can't talk to anyone on politics or religion.
She knows if she lost her job she'd be screwed

I had no breast feeding support in the UK. When I asked for help, as I mentioned, I was told off with ‘can’t you see I’m busy’

admittedly it was Covid so all health visits were cancelled. I ended up bottle feeding. When I mentioned that at 8 week appointment it did not go down well.

from personal experience you're likely to have more of a problem deciding which invitations to accept and eating/storing all the cakes and pies the neighbours will make for "the new folk next door"

I do agree with this! The people were, by and large, absolutely lovely and incredibly generous.

I wouldn't go now. No way. There will be civil unrest.

That's a shame.

I had as many home visits as I needed from the community midwife. When I was finding it particularly tricky one day, she came twice!

There were also several breastfeeding drop in centres and I volunteer at one now

I’ve worked in the states and have many friends and colleagues there but the key is “where”, particularly with the Midwest. California is not like Massachusetts is not like Texas is not like Alaska.
Where in the Midwest are we talking? And what is the package like? And how old/what gender are your DC?
That will very much filter appropriate answers to your questions.

I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a civil war in the UK in the next few years. I’d rather be in a country with Trump in charge than the odd ball we’ve got for the next few years.

Omg yes! I visited sil after her mum died and there was a ‘food train’ we could not keep up with the donations. I’m not from the Midwest but my goodness are they friendly - I find it a little overwhelming 😂

If you do go make sure that your contraception is watertight. Maybe get DH to get a vasectomy as a condition of agreement. Because you need to be prepared that if you have an ectopic pregnancy you may find it hard to find a doctor who will treat you, and your life would be in grave danger

So many narrow minds on this thread. I’d move just to get away from all the negative nancys. I know lots of people that have moved there and had a great experience. If you don’t like it then move back, if you don’t go you will never know. As long as your husband had a very good health insurance plan that covers all of you, more than likely the health care will be better than NHS. I would keep an eye on the tarriff situations as this could cause some problems but apart from that it’s all scaremongering.

Rather you than me right now.

My brothers live there, one in Chicago and one in Texas but moved there as students 35 years ago. They are both very well off, one is really amazingly wealthy. They have fantastic health insurance so are fine. But as a woman who could get pregnant with the crazy stance on reproductive care I would really think twice, it would depend on what state you are in though.

This is a smaller issue but how would you feel about having kids with American accents

Then the larger issue how do you feel about kids having shooter drills in schools, because they all do. There was an awful shooting at a parade in a town my brother lives not too far from a few years ago we have been shopping there a few times. I remember trying to get hold of him to make sure they were all ok. There was also a shoot out in the street when my Mother was visiting Texas one time. She heard the shots in the distance. Guns and the attitude to guns was the reason all those years ago I turned down my brothers offer of being sponsored, he even had a job lined up for me if I wanted it.

well I most certainly want to move there now

It just goes to show, I had the most lovely midwives both times, I don't think I saw a doctor at all- which suited me perfectly. Home visits with baby to check all was going well, then a friendly drop in with the health visitor as needed. I was shocked and horrified by SIL experience in NYC.

I am now 49 and have had my cholesterol checked twice by the NHS routinely ( over 40 health check) and TBH you can home test v. cheaply and easily.

As I said before - different people have different experiences. My experience of the nhs, especially in relation to birth and after care was negligent at best. I never had a home visit. Not once. I was expected to attend a hub a 25 min drive away but as I had severe infection and blood pressure issues I had to be sent to hospital instead. A friend in Scotland recent said the home visitor apologised for not getting there every day 😂😂😂