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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Moving to the US – Am I Bonkers?

877 replies

keithmoo · 08/02/2025 16:28

DH has just been offered a job in the US, and it’s a really good opportunity – more money, career progression, and all that jazz. It would mean uprooting the DC (6 and 3) and moving to a completely new country, which is giving me the absolute fear. We’d likely be going to a mid-sized city in the Midwest (think Ohio/Indiana sort of area), which I know very little about apart from what I’ve seen in films – which I assume isn’t entirely accurate!

Has anyone done this? What’s the reality of life in the US as a Brit? I’m worried about things like healthcare (I’ve heard horror stories), schooling (seems like it varies wildly), and just generally settling in. Also, I’m a bit concerned about making friends – I’ve heard Americans can be friendly but in a surface-level way, and I don’t want to be stuck in some weird expat bubble.

Would love any advice from those who’ve made the move. What were the biggest culture shocks? Any regrets? What do I need to know that no one tells you?

Also, please reassure me that I won’t have to live off terrible coffee and weird chocolate for the foreseeable…

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
EarthSight · 08/02/2025 18:10

Mischance · 08/02/2025 16:45

This is no time to be moving to the US. The lunatic has taken over the asylum.

I'm afraid that happened years ago at the hand of democrats.

The Left has developed quite an authoritarian streak, and now the country has lurched to the opposite direction as a result of bad leadership. In the millions upon millions of people, it's unbelievable that Biden, who was cognitively challenged it seems, was the best the Democrats could offer. Bernie Sanders was seen as too old to lead....but then Biden was fine???

Mrsgreen100 · 08/02/2025 18:10

My major concern would be educating my children, especially in those areas complete Trump stuff everywhere in my experience there I wouldn’t purely because of Trump

Broadband · 08/02/2025 18:11

My sibling has lived there for over 30 years, having originally moved for a work opportunity (which, to be fair, worked out pretty well), but is now seriously considering moving back for the reasons stated up thread. Politics, healthcare issues (insanely expensive), gun crime and other factors. My advice would be to think very carefully indeed before deciding. It would be a hard no from me.

Daisymae23 · 08/02/2025 18:11

Oodlesandoodlesofnoodles · 08/02/2025 18:04

Yes I do like the idea of kids seeing a paediatrician and it baffles my in laws that our kids don’t, but actually I’ve always had good experiences taking them to the GP.

In hospital while giving birth I was told off for ringing the bell - they didn’t even apologise after I nearly died because of that. my child didn’t get seen by a health visitor for over 2 years, the health visitor roller her eyes at me when eventually did get seen as said she could tell I was a first time mum when I asked about allergy testing. As an American I really don’t understand the religious worship of the nhs.

SouthLondonMum22 · 08/02/2025 18:12

Over my dead body would be my answer. For many reasons.

Trump
Gun control
Reproductive rights

etc

All the money in the world wouldn't be worth it to me. Especially the Midwest.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 08/02/2025 18:13

Daisymae23 · 08/02/2025 17:31

I guess people have different experiences. For example, my SIL has yearly gynaecological assessments including mammogram and smear, all there SEN child’s additional therapies are paid for and accessed immediately - no waiting, 3 monthly paediatric assessments until age 2, dental including braces for the kids all paid for… the list goes on for what they access immediately.

I may be brain washed by the NHS but most of that just seems unnecessary to me. Yearly smears- why ? 3 monthly checks with a peadiatrician- what ever for ? The therapies I can see are useful, but the rest just strikes me as profitering by health companies.

EarthSight · 08/02/2025 18:13

Personally OP, I'd be be bit concerned moving to the U.S Healthcare would be my biggest concern, and now their current politics.

It's an odd mix - on the bright side, if you have daughters they might now be able to compete in girls 's sports in a fair way. On the other side, a lot of Republicans are hellbent in denying women access to abortion services.

RedRoss86 · 08/02/2025 18:13

We're in the same boat OP!
DH offered a really nice package to move over with company.
Great opportunity financially & we'd be mad to say no.
So we are moving over with 3 DC - 12, 7 and 2.
We are waiting months & months on the Visa. Apparently it's very slow due to change over to Trump's administration. We started the process in September, I left my job in November, thought we'd have it all sorted by end Dec to do clean move in Jan after Christmas but now it's Feb & we're still here 🙃

I joined some local FB groups for the town we are moving too and the response I got back to my 'hello, I'll be moving over soon' mesage was overwhelming. All very enthusiastic to be friends!

Hopefully you settle in well & make some good friends.
You might have to accept their chocolate is s**t though 😅

kiraric · 08/02/2025 18:14

HereComesEverybody · 08/02/2025 18:06

@kiraric as I said I've lived in both England & US & nothing would entice me back to live in England.

But if the salary & support package was good I would seriously consider US

I think the majority of people posting here are informed only by the Mail & few have spent time (Disney doesn't count) there

That's a prevailing air that the UK is better when it really isn't

I have also lived in both places and prefer the UK.

But the point I was trying to make is that mostly posters are just institutionally grumpy.. they are grumpy about the UK, the US, their MIL, people who ring the doorbell..

Kjtjery · 08/02/2025 18:15

Do it. Life will be perfectly fine. America didn't collapse as a civilisation in from 2017-2021 did it?

EarthSight · 08/02/2025 18:16

SouthLondonMum22 · 08/02/2025 18:12

Over my dead body would be my answer. For many reasons.

Trump
Gun control
Reproductive rights

etc

All the money in the world wouldn't be worth it to me. Especially the Midwest.

If you lived in a rural area, especially alone, where police would take ages to reach you, I can absolutely bet you'd be quite keen on gun ownership. You're a sitting duck out there otherwise.

Tootyfilou · 08/02/2025 18:16

@Anotherparkingthread

"In fact most schools and neighbourhoods are very safe"
I am afraid statistics disagree. There were 488 mass shootings in 2024 alone.

DeffoNeedANameChange · 08/02/2025 18:18

The main things to consider are a) is this a 3/5/10 year plan, and how would you get your kids back into decent schools in the UK, b) how much annual leave would your husband get (this might be a shocker!), c) what would your daily lives look like (are you allowed to work, would you want to work etc) d) does the pay rise actually equate to more money in your pocket, especially when you factor in trips back to the UK.

The UK is not some kind of utopia. Every week on here were being told that 100k won't get you much beyond "comfortable" especially as house prices (both owning and renting) and childcare can eat up a massive chunk straight away. Yes, NHS is free at point of access, but as a system it's clearly broken. If you have good insurance, you'll probably get better health care in the US than in the UK. Unless you need an abortion.

The Trump thing is what it is. The ripples are global. Probably he'll destabilise global relations, but quite likely get a better deal for the US in the process. I don't think comfortable middle classes in the US will be the ones to suffer.

Daisymae23 · 08/02/2025 18:18

Neurodiversitydoctor · 08/02/2025 18:13

I may be brain washed by the NHS but most of that just seems unnecessary to me. Yearly smears- why ? 3 monthly checks with a peadiatrician- what ever for ? The therapies I can see are useful, but the rest just strikes me as profitering by health companies.

my SIL had early breast cancer cells detected on a test that would never be available on the NHS- not a mammogram, it was a blood test. As a result she was treated through medication and what is likely to have only been detected once it was cancer here. They have yearly tests to check blood pressure, cholesterol. Maybe it is overkill but results in early detection. Coming from the outside - I definitely feel there is nhs brainwashing and people believe this is the best there is.

3 month check ins… well it’s really just to chat and make sure they are developmentally on track and to be referred to specialists if needed - allergy test, speech and language, physical therapy ect. Also checks in on the mum. My son is was seen at 8 weeks and then again at 2 years 9 months. If there had been an issue it would have been missed.

HumphreyCushionintheHouse · 08/02/2025 18:19

I’m a Brit living on the west coast (not California). I’ve lived in the US for 20 years and couldn’t go back to the UK now.

We're able to afford a large home, bedrooms for all kids and extras for visitors, which are a lot. Our backyard looks like a resort. We live in a mild climate and our weekends start Friday after work and school, pool parties, BBQ, friends over for a potluck.

I birthed 2 kids here. My experience with my PPO were excellent. My room looked like a hotel suite, nursing staff in abundance, my own OBGYN who had been with me the entire pregnancy did my emergency csections, so I felt very cared for and comfortable during a scary time, as the OB knew me inside and out.

We picked our school based on the local schools for my kids. The oldest has graduated high school and gone to the local University, and is doing well. Younger ones love their schools and so do I. I’m on the PTA and have made a tonne of friends

I live in a blue city, in a blue county, in a blue state, so things are stable. I’m not saying we’re untouchable but we are buffered from immediate lunacy. We don’t deal with far right nutters and most of my friends are centre to left leaning and very reasonable.

Be picky about where you live and your local schools. Check them in greatschools.org. or Schooldigger. It can make a huge difference to your quality of life and the type of friends you’ll make.

ShapedLikeAPastry · 08/02/2025 18:19

Kjtjery · 08/02/2025 18:15

Do it. Life will be perfectly fine. America didn't collapse as a civilisation in from 2017-2021 did it?

Well, apart from the attempted overthrow of the elected govt on Jan 6th...

To anyone who's paying attention it's very clear that Trump Mk 2 is a very different beast.

I think it's incredibly naive to suggest that the US isn't going to experience enormous upheaval over the next few years and for a woman of childbearing age in particular, it could be risky.

Papyrophile · 08/02/2025 18:20

you may not be able to drive or work there

We are discussing the USA, not the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. And for the record, nowadays women are allowed to work and drive even in the KSA. Please do not peddle misinformation @Cornishclio .

Justsaynonow · 08/02/2025 18:21

IcyColdDay · 08/02/2025 18:04

The healthcare is excellent if you have a good insurance plan.

Are you up to date with what's happening to the NIH, CDC and FDA? Not to mention funding for healthcare clinics and anything to do with women? Healthcare historically might have been excellent for those with good insurance and money. It's changing very quickly and not for the better - TB, H5N1, RFKjr to mention a few lowlights.

Cappuccinowithonesugarplease · 08/02/2025 18:23

Go for it! Sounds like a great opportunity.
People on here are so resistant to change, the horror at the thought of leaving their 'safe' little island.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 08/02/2025 18:23

I wouldn't do it personally. I know it probably sounds a bit nuts but I do think the USA is heading for a civil war in the next decade.

rumtumtuggeris · 08/02/2025 18:23

We’d likely be going to a mid-sized city in the Midwest (think Ohio/Indiana sort of area),

I lived in the US for 6 months and travelled widely there on holiday so have some experience but was only ever living there temporarily.

I would say if you definitely approach it on a temporary basis - agree set number of years absolute maximum whatever happens (obviously fewer years may happen naturally if you don't like it or your DH loses his job) so when your oldest would be moving into senior school - then experiencing a different culture is a good thing and interesting. If you know its temporary then it gives you more of a a 'holiday' mindset so you get more out of it - doing the tourist stuff, travelling more locally that kind of thing - that if you think its forever you never do because you always think you can do it tomorrow.

100% make sure healthcare insurance is sorted for the whole family. You have to pay for everything including the pill.

I would absolutely want to go to check out the "mid-sized city in the Midwest" because (sorrty about this - may be offensive to some but its my honest opinion based on my experience) once you get off the beaten track (by which I mean big cosmopolitan cities - usually ones that match up with centres of tourism and international travel and international education) there are a lot of places in the US that are shockingly backward - in terms of poverty, rich/poor divide, racism and zero culture. You want to know what you are letting yourself in for and you won't get a sense of that without visiting the place. If you are white, wealthy and don't care about culture, then it maybe you can pass through life without noticing any of this wherever you are but like I said anything other than New York, DC etc, I would be going to check it out first.

If you have travelled in the states anywhere in that centre block of states (the square between top left Idaho to top right Minnesota to bottom right Louisiana to bottom left Arizona) outside of the main tourist spots (so I don't mean New Orleans or Las Vegas - you would know what I meant but if you haven't, definitely go to see. Its hard to explain but it is very very different from those bigger cities some of which are very like London in vibe - New York for example is so similar to London in many ways. You can travel to some places where they are totally blindsided by an English accent even someone out of state is a big deal - so you need to see that for yourself.

Finally (trivia I know) the whole lunch culture is another world. There is no equivalent of M&S or Pret or a place where you can just grab a nice, small normal sized good quality sandwich. It's all big subs, McDonalds or massive salads.

I would say provided the basic location is ok and has enough for you and your family to have a 2 -4 year adventure, go for it BUT don't sell your house, rent it out and plan (agree with your DH) a definite plan to come back.

Oh - and one more thing - how old are both your parents? If they are younger and healthy, now is a good time to do this because when they get older and are facing the end of their life, you are likely to want to be around/closer to them.

Teenyweenytinytrees · 08/02/2025 18:23

My brother and his family moved to America in 2016. They are very happy and will not move back.

I, on the other hand, would never move my family.

beeloubee · 08/02/2025 18:24

I would move there if i was able to. You are making a good decision.

ABigBarofChocolate · 08/02/2025 18:25

Oh I couldn't. Trump is bad enough but paying for healthcare, the weird rules around paying for legal fees if you decide to divorce your spouse...so may complicated things that don't make any sense to me and are completely different from here. But if you can overlook all that, I wish you luck x

OhcantthInkofaname · 08/02/2025 18:25

I'm in the US. If you were going to Minnesota I'd say you're probably gonna be OK. Ohio and Indiana a big difference. Those were the states involved in the ten year old rape victim needing abortion care. One state refused and the other tried to revoke the license (in the UK it means struck off) of the doctor who provided care.

I am retired my healthcare costs, premium, meds, procedures, etc takes 20% of my income. Car insurance rates are outrageous.

That big salary will slowly disappear.

The only advantage that I can see is it's easier to learn to drive in the US that is because the steering is on the left side.