Moving to the US – Am I Bonkers?

[keithmoo]

DH has just been offered a job in the US, and it’s a really good opportunity – more money, career progression, and all that jazz. It would mean uprooting the DC (6 and 3) and moving to a completely new country, which is giving me the absolute fear. We’d likely be going to a mid-sized city in the Midwest (think Ohio/Indiana sort of area), which I know very little about apart from what I’ve seen in films – which I assume isn’t entirely accurate!

Has anyone done this? What’s the reality of life in the US as a Brit? I’m worried about things like healthcare (I’ve heard horror stories), schooling (seems like it varies wildly), and just generally settling in. Also, I’m a bit concerned about making friends – I’ve heard Americans can be friendly but in a surface-level way, and I don’t want to be stuck in some weird expat bubble.

Would love any advice from those who’ve made the move. What were the biggest culture shocks? Any regrets? What do I need to know that no one tells you?

Also, please reassure me that I won’t have to live off terrible coffee and weird chocolate for the foreseeable…

Make sure that seemingly high salary is actually high by US standards. Living costs are significantly higher, and not just Healthcare.

Would your dependent visa allow you to work? Not all do. Is there a firm, written promise of GC sponsorship?

Is your marriage rock-solid?

And even if all the above apply, personally I still wouldn't do it. The US is VERY different to Europe. And I don't just mean the Trump shitshow.

Prices are a lot higher so you need to think of this even with the increased salary, also check the medical insurance he’ll get with his job.

I do find Americans friendly and I think that side of things would be ok.

I don’t think it’s all doom and gloom. My experience of living there and giving birth there was great. We had excellent health insurance and never had an issue with a number of serious conditions over the years, as well as lesser things like Invisalign being covered under dental insurance. I certainly felt better cared for than I do here, with an NHS GP where appointments are like gold dust.

I think you really need to do your research into visa types, if you can work or if you’ll be a dependent, if relocation costs and housing are covered, what your pensions will look like, residency rights, potential green card sponsorship etc. Will the company ship you home at the end of the contract? Will they pay for a shipping container (more likely than air freight)? That’s going to be a minimum of £10K if not, likely closer to £15K now. Are flights included for yearly visits home? Will they cover private school fees for your DC?

Trump - well, he’s Trump. I lived there when he was in power first time round and also under Obama. Day to day nothing really changed for us. With decent health insurance and a good salary, your standard of living can be a lot higher than the UK, people are aspirational and less accepting of the shit that makes the UK what it is today - poor services, a rundown NHS and school buildings etc. falling apart. That said, there is zero safety net if something goes wrong but in reality, that’s quite unlikely given the company are transferring your DH. I wouldn’t necessarily turn it down because of all the Trump scare-mongering. Equally, whilst we heard of the odd shooting, I felt safer walking around the city we were in than I do in parts of London.

Also follow @ rosemarymaccabe who moved from Ireland to the Midwest a few years ago.

This ^

Just reading some of the other comments. Our cost of living was very comparable with London. Costs were split differently, so food was expensive, cars and gas cheap, rent about the same, utilities cheap, telecoms expensive. Again, do some research into the region and average salaries etc. It’s a country of 300 million people. Generalizations won’t really help!

I'm an American with family in that part of the world. Because of your children's ages I would highly discourage you from moving here. While the public schools (I taught in public schools in the US but found alternative tuition-based schools for our kids to attend) do have wonderful people the system is broken beyond repair. The class sizes are often horrendous and in some communities there is a lot of tension in a schools around curriculum, religion and gun control.

If the opportunity is in a more metropolitan area you may be able to find a private school option but that would be a significant expense. It would also connect you with families you have more in common with -if you agree with the educational approach. Our kids went to Montessori and Waldorf type schools with an emphasis on hiking etc. We live in the PNW which is more liberal though.

A friend did a job and home swap UK/US intended to be for a year and abandoned it after a few weeks, saying there is no way he would stay as he did not think his children were safe. It cost him a fortune as his UK home and job were contracted to the US family. He did not regret it.

It’s not just high school. Mine did active shooter drill at kindergarten.

Depends where you settle.

The Midwest at the moment? You are certainly brave.

Hopefully neither you nor your DC need an abortion.

I'd go like a shot OP. Choose where you live carefully, but on a decent package with proper health insurance, the quality of middle class life is infinitely superior to the UK.

As long as Trump and his billionaire pals control the US, no way. It also sounds it may a
move to a red state.

Frim what little I know.

I would go by ^Rocksaltrita" posts.

Also,
Definitely look into Healthcare very carefully.

Schools yes.
Travel costs/shipment costs[and time it would take].
Can you work there[if you wanted to].

If you are a Christian, going to a local Church should help you out with all sorts of things. Socially and otherwise.

At the end of the day, ultimately you would only know if it worked for you in the US, by going there.

My cousin is desperate to return, having been there, in Georgia, for 3 years. Having a teenage daughter who has come out as gay seems to have concentrated her desperation, unsurprisingly. It is GRIM for her daughter there and won't be getting better for any women, LGBT, or non conforming people any time soon.

I think people's political opinions are clouding what they think. In the average day to day, most of these things don't effect your life. In fact most schools and neighbourhoods are very safe, you will likely be able to afford a much bigger property than you would in the UK, in general if you earn reasonably well in the USA you get a better quality of life than the UK offers. As long as you can afford decent health insurance/DH job includes a generous family package you will be fine. I pay for all my health care privately in the UK these days as the NHS is a shambles and is much rather be unwell with insurance in the us than unable to afford private in the UK.

I think you will make friendly easily, while you say you don't want surface level friendships I think that the UK is more guilty of that and it's become more common to have fair weather friends. People have less time, are more stressed, depression / seasonal depression is rife. A lot of people are very angry, jealous, miserable, or stuck in survival mode in the UK.

Could you go for a fixed amount of time eg 2 years and then decide if you want to come back? Perhaps let out your house and furniture in storage for that time so that you have something to come back to in the UK if you decide it isn't for you.

Nothing would persuade me to move to the US - never been keen, but now not a chance. It’s a third world country with a thin first world veneer

I lived in Pennsyvalnia and Florida, as a Brit.

The culture is actually quite different, community came from sports teams and church, rather than a village/community hall, or town centre. They don’t have town centres, they’re dual carriageways with malls and restaurants! Which took some adjusting for me (unless you’re in the older parts of the states, which are a bit more like Europe).

The people were very friendly, not just surface level. I made friends very easily.

People are more ambitious and like you to succeed, the wages are all higher too.

I did find it hard to eat healthily, but you can, and if you put in a bit of work you can eat as healthily as here.

I loved living there, but it is very different, I missed our newspapers, radio 2 and 4, the sense of national cohesion we have from small things like supporting football or the fact the travel on the radio is national (that would be ludicrous in the Us). I like the fact we’re small and more community based, basically. But I think if you go with an open mind, embrace the fact we ARE very different, even though we share the same language, you’ll get on fine.

Oh and don’t get wound up about guns, even nice normal people have got them, you won’t fight the system, just accept it.

I've previously lived in the Pacific Northwest. If you'd asked me 2 years ago, I'd say yes to moving back. Now? Absolutely not.

We lived in America for over a decade. Four years in Cleveland were not the most enjoyable but overall it was a good experience. We had totally comprehensive medical insurance which was crucial, especially with children. Mine were born there and if you have the money, the care was excellent. Americans are mostly very cordial and having small children is a great way to make new friends. I am still in touch with mates I met there.. Education can be uneven. We chose the houses we lived in because they were in the catchment areas of good schools, even if they weren't the nicest of properties. In Ohio we went private. We took the opportunity to have lots of great holidays and the kids did things like skiing and riding that they probably wouldn't have here. I never really shook the sense of "otherness" that I felt there - but maybe that was because I knew we would ultimately return home

I’m very anti-gun but British kids are also doing lockdown drills at school now. Or certainly our local secondary school in a market town was yesterday.

Yes all of the above are a factor, you most likely already know and have considered them. So I won't go into it. America is a stunning country which I love but it's having hard time right now.

My main concern which you consider is if the 'better' job offer is as good as it seems. Sit down with your current bank statement and work out how much your current lifestyle would cost. Include health insurance (don't forget excess!)and the cost of moving plus the cost of travelling back to visit family.

Once you know the number on comparable life style, then make the judgement as to whether that difference is worth.

Being away from family,
Lower quality of food for exactly the same brands. Literally.
Less employee rights (as they are usually worse)
Fewer days of holiday
Your own job prospects and lifestyle

American here!

• healthcare insurance should be provided as part of expat package and will be wonderful. The NHS is third world compared to if you have good insurance. My SIL is constantly shocked when I tell her my birth experiences.
• trump wont make much of difference on a day to day level. Lived through countless presidents and nothing much changes. It really depends on your state.
• School districts do indeed vary. The good news is unlike here catchment areas don’t vary. Get DH to ask one of his colleagues for the inside scoop
• the Midwest is very friendly. Depending on the area you may find things a lot more traditional in terms of stay at home moms being the norm
• the summer holidays are endless… if you are working be prepared to shell out a lot on summer camps
• join a country club - good for socialising and means you have access to a pool as get prepared for hot humid weather

The NHS is third world compared to if you have good insurance. My SIL is constantly shocked when I tell her my birth experiences

My husband is American and says the opposite about the NHS. Can’t believe how amazing it is! He had fairly decent health insurance through his work before immigrating.

1. It's very expensive there. Property tax was 2k per month in the house we stayed in New Jersey. Cost of groceries were really high and the quality quite poor. Bread had high levels sugar and the cheese was yuck.

1. Private school fees for international school was 38k back then

1. Ohio is boring. Visited there.

1. The blueberries were delicious

Even with great health insurance, make sure you have money set aside as it won't cover everything. There's a 'co-pay' part.