Moving to the US – Am I Bonkers?

[keithmoo]

DH has just been offered a job in the US, and it’s a really good opportunity – more money, career progression, and all that jazz. It would mean uprooting the DC (6 and 3) and moving to a completely new country, which is giving me the absolute fear. We’d likely be going to a mid-sized city in the Midwest (think Ohio/Indiana sort of area), which I know very little about apart from what I’ve seen in films – which I assume isn’t entirely accurate!

Has anyone done this? What’s the reality of life in the US as a Brit? I’m worried about things like healthcare (I’ve heard horror stories), schooling (seems like it varies wildly), and just generally settling in. Also, I’m a bit concerned about making friends – I’ve heard Americans can be friendly but in a surface-level way, and I don’t want to be stuck in some weird expat bubble.

Would love any advice from those who’ve made the move. What were the biggest culture shocks? Any regrets? What do I need to know that no one tells you?

Also, please reassure me that I won’t have to live off terrible coffee and weird chocolate for the foreseeable…

I think there is a shocking bias against the USA on MN!

And perhaps people in glasshouses shouldn't throw stones

I don't live in either country now, but have lived in both & even despite detesting Trump I'd much rather go to the US.

Once you check out your husband's offer re health insurance & your own ability (visa wise) to work, I'd definitely go.

Given how brexit has curtailed travel opportunities so horrendously it would nr a wonderful experience for you & your dc

My friend has recently moved her tween daughter back to the UK after 20 years in Florida.

Too many school shootings and the prospect of living with a Trump government again. She was frightened for her daughter's safety in many aspects not least of all the anticipated restrictions and impact on women's sexual health as she grows up.

Yes. You are mad to move to that country.

@HereComesEverybody TBH there are a lot of posters who really hate the UK too.. I have seen endless threads about what a shit hole the country is and how anyone with money is off to Dubai

I've been here for 8 years and live on the NY/NJ border. If you couldn't find decent bread and cheese then frankly that's down to you!! Lord only knows where you were shopping lol..........or were you here a long time ago or something?

Guns. Best assume everybody's strapped. Most are

As mentioned, @keithmoo, this is the classic sort of disinformation you'll see on here; it's regrettable but always happens

Perhaps try this instead: https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2024/07/24/key-facts-about-americans-and-guns/

Right now? With Trump and Musk unleashing their shower of shit. You’d be insane.

Not now sadly, particularly with children

Good point! I got so caught up in the logistics that I forgot to mention myself.

I do work, but my job isn’t something I could take with me, so I’d either need to find something new or take a break for a bit (which is both exciting and terrifying!). I don’t have family super close by, but we see them fairly often, and the DC have a good relationship with their grandparents, which I’d hate to disrupt. Friends-wise, I have a solid group here, and the thought of starting over socially is probably the bit that worries me most. I’m not massively extroverted, and the idea of having to build a whole new support system from scratch is a bit daunting.

It’s meant to be a long-term move, not just a couple of years, so it’s not something we can go into lightly. DH is really up for it, but I keep swinging between “this could be an amazing adventure” and “what the hell are we thinking?!”

I've lived the US now for 15 years and it's my home. Lived in both liberal states and now a conservative southern state. Feel free to DM me to ask any questions, I've read quite a few questionable things so far on the thread....

And thank god for that. If they're the kind of people who love living in the States with the way it is at the moment, and Dubai, let them go.

I really would not do this OP. The US is descending into democracy-free chaos.

The healthcare is excellent if you have a good insurance plan.

Absolutely insane. You could not pay me enough money to live there. Its a very dangerous dark time in the US at the moment and it is going to get worse. The Midwest is predominantly, religious and right wing and Trump supportING. Women's rights are being devastated as are the rights of minorities.

Yes I do like the idea of kids seeing a paediatrician and it baffles my in laws that our kids don’t, but actually I’ve always had good experiences taking them to the GP.

I think you should listen to probably 85 or more percent of the previous posters comments OP.
It's all true.
I don't want to say you're bonkers because that sounds rude.
However, I seriously think you would be well advised to hold off focusing on your DH's career opportunities and instead focus on where, and what, you and your DCs are considering to move to.

I live in a lovely little liberal bubble in a red state. My daughter attends a state school that is so stellar it might as well be private. My sister commented that my housing estate is like being on a movie set in its perfection. I have excellent health insurance.

My day to day life is wonderful.

we are legitimately afraid right now.

Every day I am afraid I am going to lose my job because of erratic federal edicts.

I have stock-piled the morning after pill because it has a decently long shelf life and it’s something I can do if my dd or one of her friends finds themselves in need. I used to think my financial resources would be enough for us to “take a tour abroad” complete with pictures like women of means used to do if they or their daughter needed an abortion, but I now fear we would be stopped at the border.

they are talking about closing the department of education. This is what provides the excellent legal provisions for ASD children like mine. Right now she has the legal right to an excellent education. There is no, well, we will see what the school can manage. There are clear standards to be met and the school meets them. Tomorrow it could be gone.

they are also threatening the FDIC. This is what secures bank accounts for regular people. Up to $250k in a bank account is guaranteed by the federal government. If your bank fails, the government will protect you. This is what keeps us from having bank runs.

the bank issue is making us seriously consider emigrating. I’m terrified now our entire economy is going to collapse.

3 reasons why I wouldn't:

Trump
Guns
Healthcare

How do you know we’ve never been?

I would worry about schooling in terms of slotting back in in the uk if / when you return.

I’d aldo worry about living in a country where conservative Christians seem to be so much in the ascendancy/power. Especially in the states you mention.

@kiraric as I said I've lived in both England & US & nothing would entice me back to live in England.

But if the salary & support package was good I would seriously consider US

I think the majority of people posting here are informed only by the Mail & few have spent time (Disney doesn't count) there

That's a prevailing air that the UK is better when it really isn't

Do you have a healthcare package included for all
of you as part of the relocation package?

I love the US - lived there 25 years ago, married an American (not for very long but that's another story!) It's a beautiful, fascinating and complex country and I'm very, very thankful for the time I got to spend there. However, 25 years ago it was a different place. Would I go back and live there now - no.

The recent political changes will undoubtedly have far more impact on the 'ordinary' person than some posters here would have you believe. Plus, the midwest is very different to the coastal regions that most tourists know, and usually highly conservative. You can have a dceent standard of living in material terms (bigger house / car etc) but food etc are expensive.

If you do go, make sure your health insurance and your contraception are absolutely iron-clad. Send your kids to private schools. And yeah, you might need to join a church!

Needs to be a lot more money, I made that mistake, most things cost a lot more, we reckoned double the U.K. for typical family costs

I have a really old friend who I met as a student who was bought up in Ohio and now lives there. He is a nice guy but believes the Bible is the word of God and voted for Trump.

Ok nice guy seems like a push now I've written that. But he's gone more extreme recently as they seem to be so targeted by weird conspiracy theories. I think where you're going is a huge red state so it might be a big culture shock. But that's only one person I know!

I wouldn't live in the USA for a gold clock! Dreadful country presided over by a bloody tyrant!