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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think family should wait for us to order

252 replies

CatherineRose16 · 08/02/2025 16:24

I am away for 2 nights in a hotel with my 2 sisters and our families to celebrate my oldest sisters birthday. I am the youngest sister. My older sisters are very close and I often feel a little left out with my sisters. Anyway we had a meal booked for 6.30 in the hotel restaurant last night. My kids wanted to go for a swim so we did that before the meal. My sisters and their families went for a drink in the bar. Anyway at 6.15 my sister texts me to ask were we coming for the meal. We were just getting dressed after the swim so I replied yes, we will be there at 6.30. We arrived at 6.30 and they were already seated and had ordered their food. So it ended up that they were eating their food and were completely finished by the time our food arrived. My kids had to sit and watch their cousins eat and it just made me very uncomfortable. My nephew told my kids that they were late (we were perfectly on time for the booking). If we had known sisters were going early we could have spent less time in the pool. AIBU to be upset about this? I obviously didn't say anything to my sisters as I didn't want to argue on my sisters birthday but it's just another time where my sisters have made me feel bad about myself.

OP posts:
DressOrSkirt · 08/02/2025 17:33

They were rude. Of course it's not normal to arrive 15 minutes early to take your coat off, most restaurants won't have anywhere to put you.

lemongrizzly · 08/02/2025 17:33

I don’t understand people who arrive early and then act like you’re late when you’re on time.

I also don’t understand people who want to meet earlier and expect you to be psychic instead of actually saying so.

I too would have assumed you were meeting at 6.30 unless there had been a specific discussion otherwise.

CarpetKnees · 08/02/2025 17:34

Disagree completely. In rl no one would think this is rude.

Seriously ? Where do you live that it wouldn't be considered rude to order your food before some of the group have arrived, when no-one is yet late ? Confused

@CatherineRose16 you sound really self depreciative on this thread. You have done nothing wrong.
If your sisters were meeting earlier for a drink, then the text should have said "We've booked the restaurant for 6.30 and Sis 1 and I are meeting at 6 for a drink first if you want to join us".

The only thing I would change is not telling them that their behaviour is rude and that if makes you feel uncomfortable.

Threewheeler1 · 08/02/2025 17:35

YANBU OP, I would have arrived at 6.30 too, seeing as that's the time that they specified! I'd probably have assumed the table might not have been ready before that time, sometimes there's a changeover.
They could have waited for you before they ordered.

biscuitsandbooks · 08/02/2025 17:36

CatherineRose16 · 08/02/2025 17:31

I don't think they did it deliberately to be mean. I think they were just thoughtless. But is has left me feeling awful.

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I'm not surprised - deliberate or not, they were really unkind to you.

Original poster
CatherineRose16 · 08/02/2025 17:36

lemongrizzly · 08/02/2025 17:33

I don’t understand people who arrive early and then act like you’re late when you’re on time.

I also don’t understand people who want to meet earlier and expect you to be psychic instead of actually saying so.

I too would have assumed you were meeting at 6.30 unless there had been a specific discussion otherwise.

I felt late even though we were not late. I felt I should have known to arrive early.

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 08/02/2025 17:38

CatherineRose16 · 08/02/2025 17:04

Yes, I am not sure exactly what time they ordered but we probably ordered 10 minutes after we arrived at 6.40. Their food arrived very quickly after we ordered. I'm not sure when our food arrived, probably around 7 but they were all definitely finished eating. We didn't have starters.

Edited
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There's no way they ordered their food at 6.30 and had it come out at 6.40. Unless it was all microwaved. Something odd about it all.

susiedaisy1912 · 08/02/2025 17:39

I would have arrived at the arranged time 6.30pm. No need to arrive early in my view.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 08/02/2025 17:40

CurlyhairedAssassin · 08/02/2025 17:38

There's no way they ordered their food at 6.30 and had it come out at 6.40. Unless it was all microwaved. Something odd about it all.

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Nobody said they'd ordered their food at 6.30

Original poster
CatherineRose16 · 08/02/2025 17:40

CurlyhairedAssassin · 08/02/2025 17:38

There's no way they ordered their food at 6.30 and had it come out at 6.40. Unless it was all microwaved. Something odd about it all.

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No, they must have ordered about 6.20. It's a busy hotel restaurant and food was out probably in 20 minutes or so after ordering.

OP posts:
biscuitsandbooks · 08/02/2025 17:40

CurlyhairedAssassin · 08/02/2025 17:38

There's no way they ordered their food at 6.30 and had it come out at 6.40. Unless it was all microwaved. Something odd about it all.

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OP didn't say they'd ordered food at 6.30.

Gemmawemma9 · 08/02/2025 17:42

Op, my impression is that you’re a massive overthinker and a little bit over sensitive.
Youre quite sure they haven’t been intentionally mean or unkind. It seems to me like it’s. Very casual trip with people coming and going as they please (which sounds great to me!). I bet they haven’t even thought twice about ordering before you arrived as it’s no big deal with it being so casual. Based on your description of them, I’m sure they weren’t upset that you went swimming without them.
Do you think you’re reading too much into things because you feel a bit left out by them generally?

CandyCane457 · 08/02/2025 17:42

I’ve only read the first page and a half, and am shocked by how many people are using OP is rude for not turning up early! And how she should’ve “presumed” they were meeting 15mins early for a drink at the bar… why!!?

OP I don’t think you’re rude AT ALL for turning up at the time of the booking. You weren’t to know they were meeting for a drink 15mins early. They were very rude to text you 15mins before asking if you’re coming… of course you were still going, and you were going at the ARRANGED TIME.

If my friends and I had a table booked for 6.30, I would turn up at 6.30, and would find it absurd if anyone thought that was rude of me.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 08/02/2025 17:43

CatherineRose16 · 08/02/2025 17:40

No, they must have ordered about 6.20. It's a busy hotel restaurant and food was out probably in 20 minutes or so after ordering.

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So if that's the case there is no argument about whether they were rude or not. Because they WERE rude. They ordered their food 10 minute BEFORE the booking had even started, and didn't inform you.

Original poster
CatherineRose16 · 08/02/2025 17:45

Gemmawemma9 · 08/02/2025 17:42

Op, my impression is that you’re a massive overthinker and a little bit over sensitive.
Youre quite sure they haven’t been intentionally mean or unkind. It seems to me like it’s. Very casual trip with people coming and going as they please (which sounds great to me!). I bet they haven’t even thought twice about ordering before you arrived as it’s no big deal with it being so casual. Based on your description of them, I’m sure they weren’t upset that you went swimming without them.
Do you think you’re reading too much into things because you feel a bit left out by them generally?

Yes I probably am reading too much into it. I am sensitive and an over thinker.

OP posts:
diddl · 08/02/2025 17:46

MaisieMacabe · 08/02/2025 17:25

Me too.

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Op didn't know that they would be at the bar.

She thought that they would be at the restaurant at 6.30, as she was.

Nanny0gg · 08/02/2025 17:48

CatherineRose16 · 08/02/2025 16:33

We were there at 6.30 on the button.
I think they arrived at 6.15.
I normally would arrive at a restaurant at the booked time, should I be arriving early?

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Most people would probably aim to get to the bar a little ahead of time

diddl · 08/02/2025 17:49

Because they WERE rude. They ordered their food 10 minute BEFORE the booking had even started, and didn't inform you.

Well yes.

Surely the point of making a booking for a specific time is that you meet up & eat together?

Nanny0gg · 08/02/2025 17:49

CandyCane457 · 08/02/2025 17:42

I’ve only read the first page and a half, and am shocked by how many people are using OP is rude for not turning up early! And how she should’ve “presumed” they were meeting 15mins early for a drink at the bar… why!!?

OP I don’t think you’re rude AT ALL for turning up at the time of the booking. You weren’t to know they were meeting for a drink 15mins early. They were very rude to text you 15mins before asking if you’re coming… of course you were still going, and you were going at the ARRANGED TIME.

If my friends and I had a table booked for 6.30, I would turn up at 6.30, and would find it absurd if anyone thought that was rude of me.

It is quite normal to arrive a bit early at the bar to have a drink first

Pamspeople · 08/02/2025 17:51

CatherineRose16 · 08/02/2025 17:24

Just makes me sad I guess. I really want to have a good relationship with my sisters.

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I understand, OP. But try not to let your wish for a better relationship make you doubt yourself. It's better to let yourself feel the sadness and accept how things really are than try to convince yourself it's better than it is and doubt yourself all the time.

wherearemypastnames · 08/02/2025 17:51

They sound rude - you don't agree a time and then penalise someone for sticking the the agreement

Many people may go bar first but it's not a law anywhere I know

CrushingOnRubies · 08/02/2025 17:51

Yanbu

In our family the Family WhatsApp group would be table booked for 6:30 but thought it might be nice to have a drink first meet in hotel bar at 6:15?
To which you say sounds great but kids want a swim when we get to hotel so will meet you at 6:30 at the table.

Table booked for 6:30 normal to not be there until the booked time maybe couple of minutes early. Just be waiting for the previous customers to pay etc otherwise.

latetothefisting · 08/02/2025 17:52

Lanzarotelady · 08/02/2025 16:45

I would just presume, if you're all staying in a hotel, meet for a quick drink first.

Why presume, why not just ask?
I would presume if someone wanted to meet me before for a drink they would tell me! People aren't mind readers!

Sounds like they were significantly before 6.15 when they messaged op if they'd had time to sit down, look at menu, decide what to order, and for the food to have been made an served.

thehorsesareallidiots · 08/02/2025 17:52

Nanny0gg · 08/02/2025 17:49

It is quite normal to arrive a bit early at the bar to have a drink first

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Not for 6yos, really. And fine, but if you do want everybody to do that, you have to use your words and explicitly discuss it.

latetothefisting · 08/02/2025 17:53

Nanny0gg · 08/02/2025 17:49

It is quite normal to arrive a bit early at the bar to have a drink first

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But they weren't at the bar. For their food to have been ordered and served by 6.30 they must have been sitting down for a while beforehand, not just chilling having a drink

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