AIBU to think family should wait for us to order

[CatherineRose16]

I am away for 2 nights in a hotel with my 2 sisters and our families to celebrate my oldest sisters birthday. I am the youngest sister. My older sisters are very close and I often feel a little left out with my sisters. Anyway we had a meal booked for 6.30 in the hotel restaurant last night. My kids wanted to go for a swim so we did that before the meal. My sisters and their families went for a drink in the bar. Anyway at 6.15 my sister texts me to ask were we coming for the meal. We were just getting dressed after the swim so I replied yes, we will be there at 6.30. We arrived at 6.30 and they were already seated and had ordered their food. So it ended up that they were eating their food and were completely finished by the time our food arrived. My kids had to sit and watch their cousins eat and it just made me very uncomfortable. My nephew told my kids that they were late (we were perfectly on time for the booking). If we had known sisters were going early we could have spent less time in the pool. AIBU to be upset about this? I obviously didn't say anything to my sisters as I didn't want to argue on my sisters birthday but it's just another time where my sisters have made me feel bad about myself.

If you were all close and friendly it wouldn't matter if you were even a bit late (you weren't) - these things happen and you'd all just be enjoying seeing each other. But this seems to reflect the lack of affection or closeness between you all generally. Sorry OP.

I am not sure what time they arrived, could have been earlier than 15 minutes. But they were definitely finished food before ours even arrived.

YANBU
Do they often exclude you and your DCs from things?
This is really weird behaviour and I can't imagine doing this to anyone. You always wait til everyone is there especially if you have arrived early to the table.
They were mean to you OP.

They were bang out of order. They could have at least text or rang you to say “where are you? We’re thinking of ordering as the kids are starving?” And OP could’ve said “just arriving now” etc. Weird behaviour imho.

There's no point in meeting at the bar 15 mins early when you have young kids. What are they supposed to do in that time?

Not necessarily excluding me but I always feel I am breaking some unwritten rule with them. Feel like I can never do right in their eyes. I am probably an overthinker though

Really bad form from them. Are they generally mannerless?

No, they were early and the OP was bang on time

Standard restaurant I would arrive a few minutes before as it’s not often they will have space to wait

Restaurant in hotel then I wouldn’t be turning up right on time. The norm for us would be go down early, have a drink with the people I was with and start the night relaxing

Did you mention that you were going swimming and invite the others to join you? Maybe they thought you were rude going off and doing something without inviting them so they were petty, who knows but it was a bit rubbish that they ordered without you when they knew you were coming

If I were them I would have waited but I wouldn't have been that bothered if they went ahead and ate. It's not the end of the world. I wouldn't have been embarrassed or felt awkward about them eating when I wasn't either. It's no biggie really.

Yes I said we were going swimming. Didn't invite them to join us. Assumed they would come swimming too if they wanted.
Maybe they were upset I didn't invite them.

After the meal hubby took kids to bed and I went to the bar with my sisters for a drink.

I think your sisters were rude/thoughtless. Even if you had been in your hotel room getting ready when they texted at 6.15 you could still have been another 5 or 10 minutes. OK for them to order their meals but surely you just point out to the waiting staff that some of your party haven't arrived and if their DC are older than yours they could amuse themselves until the food arrived.

Don't feel too bad about it. You had to watch them eat, then they had to watch your family.

Why do you assume you're overthinking? Plenty of people on here agree that they were rude and they certainly dont seem to make you feel good about yourself. Trust your gut, it's telling you something important.

This is incredibly rude of them.

I've been told off and called rude for ordering before the table is full but that is when they have form for being extremely late and we have already waited half an hour. I actually couldn't believe the cheek of my friend's DH when he scolded me and they were (yet again) nearly an hour late.

You were on time.

Just makes me sad I guess. I really want to have a good relationship with my sisters.

Me too.

I think you might have made the same misconstruement that I did.

I also thought that they were already eating when OP arrived, but on re-reading, I think their food came out earlier (after OP's arrival) than OP's family's meals.

E.g. suppose there was a lead time of 30 minutes on food after ordering:

6:15 - Rest of family arrived and ordered
6:30 - OP and family arrived and ordered
6:45 - ROF's food arrived and they tucked in
7:00 - OP's family's food arrived

Why would you meet in the bar with kids?

Yes this is about right. They were not eating when we arrived. I only found out they had already ordered when waiter came to take our order.

They were rude. One of your kids is quite young so not sure what it is with the people telling you to meet them for a drink at the bar first.

To me it should be meet for dinner at agreed time and if kids are all good stay after at bar for a drink/social after.

Unfortunately you can't force these things. I totally understand why you feel sad though - their behaviour wasn't kind.

I don't think they did it deliberately to be mean. I think they were just thoughtless. But is has left me feeling awful.

Yes, of course they were extremely rude.

Even if you HAD been late, which you weren't, civilized people would have waited for at least 10 minutes or so. At the very least.

Please stop second guessing yourself. Your sisters were extremely rude. Perhaps they behave like this because they know you will let them get away with it? If they make a habit of similar behaviour I would raise it with them somehow and if they can’t change/ improve it would influence what I was prepared to do together - and I’d make it clear why if I turned things down too.