AIBU to think family should wait for us to order

[CatherineRose16]

I am away for 2 nights in a hotel with my 2 sisters and our families to celebrate my oldest sisters birthday. I am the youngest sister. My older sisters are very close and I often feel a little left out with my sisters. Anyway we had a meal booked for 6.30 in the hotel restaurant last night. My kids wanted to go for a swim so we did that before the meal. My sisters and their families went for a drink in the bar. Anyway at 6.15 my sister texts me to ask were we coming for the meal. We were just getting dressed after the swim so I replied yes, we will be there at 6.30. We arrived at 6.30 and they were already seated and had ordered their food. So it ended up that they were eating their food and were completely finished by the time our food arrived. My kids had to sit and watch their cousins eat and it just made me very uncomfortable. My nephew told my kids that they were late (we were perfectly on time for the booking). If we had known sisters were going early we could have spent less time in the pool. AIBU to be upset about this? I obviously didn't say anything to my sisters as I didn't want to argue on my sisters birthday but it's just another time where my sisters have made me feel bad about myself.

The kids were rude to tell you you were late.

They sound really unkind.
If they wanted to all have a drink first they should have said.
6.30 I’d have assumed 6.30 check in at restaurant.
Assuming you checked in hotel, kids excited to swim and you went as you thought you had plenty of time.

I don't think so. I'd have been hurt and annoyed too, particularly given that they often make you feel side-lined.

The plan was to meet in the restaurant at 6.30pm they even messaged to ask if you were on your way. They were in the bar relaxing, so no rush to be seated and they were surely there for more than 15 minutes.

IMO they were at best unnecessarily thoughtless towards you, but what they actually were was lacking in very basic level good manners. Is it not still general common courtesy for everyone at the table to start eating at the same time? little children excepted of course.

I don't understand why they didn't stay in the bar and go through to the table with you when they knew you'd be there shortly.

I would never order before everyone arrives. In most places the waiting staff wouldn’t even approach you for a food order until everyone is seated. “Would you like drinks while you wait” is the usual approach. They are shockingly rude to order early. Only acceptable if you have toddlers with you and even then I’d have the adults wait.

Is it? Even if it hasn’t been arranged?

Not in my life/world. Literally never have my friends and I done that. We book a table for a time, and meet then, and get a drink with our meal should we want to. I’d never just turn up 15mins early in the hope that someone else was there and doing the same thing, risking me just stood there alone. If I did plan to get there early for whatever reason, I’d probably text my friends and say “anyone else fancy meeting at quarter past at the bar for a drink?”

In my experience with family or friends groups for meals in hotels where you are staying, everyone is aware that the meal is booked for a particular time. But unless there is a particular agreement for everyone to meet in the bar half an hour before the meal booking time, then "meeting in the bar" is a more casual thing where it's just a place for people to gather as and when they arrive from whatever they've been doing. They might be given menus to look through while they wait for the rest of the group but I have never ever been in that situation and ordered food before the rest of the group had arrived (unless someone was running late, which OP wasn't).

Very strange of the hotel staff not to manage this situation and ask where the rest of the party was. Seems very unprofessional of them unless OP's sisters specifically told them not to wait for you, OP.

Yeah they were incredibly rude.

You were on time and they were extremely rude. I’ve never heard of ordering food before all the party has arrived.

Let them know that if they want everyone to arrive beforehand for a drink and to be seated promptly, the phrase they’re looking for is “6.00 for 6.30”. Then you would know to arrive early.

Obviously that's not the norm though. If everyone who booked a table at a restaurant turned up early for a drink 1st there wouldn't be space for them all tp stand at the bar. The normal thing to do us to meet at the restaurant at the prearranged time, and wait for the whole party before ordering.

Yes, that's normal too. A text to say "we'll all showered and ready now so going down to the bar for a drink first. Are you ready yet? I can get a drink in for you if you're nearly ready"

Haven't you ever been to a hotel that has a huge bar area with lots of seats separate to the hotel dining room?

Yes of course I have, but that is a specific situation, and these comments are insinuating that the normal thing to do when meeting for a meal is to meet early for a drink.

Yes that I would think is very normal.
But OPs sisters didn’t do that. They arranged the early meet/drinks without her and then seemed a bit arsey that she wasn’t psychic and ordered their food without her, before the arranged meeting time.

To be honest it didn't cross my mind to go to the bar beforehand. If I was away with just my hubby or just friends we might do this. But generally I would never take the kids to the bar before a meal.

I am just annoyed with myself for not arriving to the restaurant early.

The table was booked for 6.30pm, not the meal. Normally you get seated at 6.30pm then chat and look at the menu with a view to ordering around 10, 15 mins later surely??

This is what I expected

Yes the whole lot of them sound like mannerless pricks. You sound like the only one with any manners, OP.

However I would be learning to stand up for myself. When the kids said "You're late" why didn't you say "er no I think you'll find that you got here earlier than the time we arranged and started without me."

Don't be annoyed with yourself. You sound very defeated and it's as if you're always in the wrong and your sisters are right.

What they did was mean.

I agree. I wonder if the waiting staff did ask them if they wanted to wait for the other guests to arrive but they rudely said no they wanted to go on ahead and order.
I have never known anyone to do this, you weren't late, you were on time and if they wanted to order bang on 6.30 they should have said to meet at 6.15.

This thread is bizarre!

Booking for 6.30 turn up at 6.30 maybe a few minutes before, I certainly wouldn't turn up at 6.15 for a 6.30 booking and as someone who works in hospitality I wouldn't thank you for doing that either!

They were rude and should have said they were going to the bar, they have quite clearly had a drink, decided they were hungry and gone in early and luckily the table was free.

Even if they had young kids (which they don't) they could have ordered for them and waited for you, OP I would forget about this you are not in the wrong.

It would have been better to arrive earlier, but likewise knowing you were on your way for 6.30 they should have waited to order

OP stop quoting the posters saying you're an overthinker or sensitive. Maybe you are but this isn't one of those times!

Anyone ordering food before the whole party has arrived is in the wrong (unless they're very late)

I’d arrive early because I hate being rushed and arriving late, We would usually go down to the bar for 6.20pm order a drink and be ready for our table 6.25pm.

just because people do things differently from you doesn’t make it wrong.

ive worked in hospitality, I’d much rather people turn up 5 mins early that late.

I don't know how it came about that they ordered.

It's sometimes different in some hotels where there is a big bar area with seating where their usual service is to bring you the menus in the bar first so you can take your time choosing. A good hotel would do what suited you though and would be happy for you to go straight to your table at the agreed time and take the order from there if that's what you wanted instead, or if they might discreetly just usher you straight through if they were fully booked and you arrived bang on the dot of your table booking.

I think I'm overthinking all this though 😆

The only thing that's obvious is that the sisters were uncommunicative and mannerless.