DM redecorated my lounge

[Blubstering]

I KNOW I’m not BU but need to know how to handle this. NC because I’ve spoken to a few people IRL.

I’ve recently had a baby and was in hospital for just over a week. DH was with me most of that time including the first 4 days where he was in with me overnight due to some complications (I had sepsis) and him needing to look after the baby while I wasn’t able to.

Anyway, during those first 4 days, my usually lovely mum decided to completely redecorate my living room. It did not need decorating, it was done fairly recently and we’d just painted it a soft taupy off white, which complimented our existing oak furniture nicely. It was simple but warm.

Mum has painted it a mid grey on 2 walls and royal purple on the other 2 walls. It looks absolutely awful.

DH came home and saw it but didn’t tell me what had happened until the day I came home. He warned me, and when we got home mum was there all smiles and proud of herself thinking she had done a nice thing for us. I felt like one of those people on Changing Rooms the mid 2000’s when they had to stand next to Carol Smiley and pretend to love their new rooms when absolutely everyone in the room knew it looked absolutely dire. She’s not even done a neat job, the purples smudged into the grey walls in the corners and there’s purple on the window frames too.

I said something about feeling very tired and mum took the hint and left but did seem quite off, then I just cried and then went to bed. Mum then texted me and said ‘what do you think??’ So I took the opportunity and replied ‘I really appreciate the thought mum but it’s not our taste, I wish you’d asked us first xx’ which I think was fairly balanced.

I then got a phone call from my dad to say mum was in bits and very offended I’m not more grateful for her efforts and she was only trying to do something nice for us. So I said that I appreciated that but reiterated the colour isn’t to our taste and we hadn’t long since decorated the living room the way we wanted it. He said ‘yes but it was far too plain’… I’m not sure what happened but I’m so tired I physically felt like I couldn’t talk anymore so I just put the phone down.

Anyway the upshot is my parents are now no longer speaking to me and I’ve got a new baby so could really use their support. How do I fix this??

No mums never done anything like this before - the closest thing was her deep cleaning our house for us when we went on holiday but that was genuinely very helpful.

The only thing I can think is she thought we’d not finished decorating and the colour we had was like an undercoat?? But then why would she choose bold colours when the rest of the house is very neutral and soft? So I think she’s just got an idea in her head and run with it and just not considered us in that at all.

I have seen people do this on TikTok while family members were on holiday but to do this while you were in hospital is shocking.

I would have been so upset as my house is exactly how I want it. Coming home to such a big change is shocking.

I wouldn’t be able to trust her in my home again and I’d make her have it put back to how it was.

Gosh- has your mum always been this strange and unpredictable? I can’t imagine just deciding to paint my adult dc’s place without being asked or discussing it first. Seems very odd.

So you are having to pay to have decorators in your home while you are recovering from childbirth and getting to grips with looking after a new baby? Just to fix the awful mess that your mum has made in your lounge.

I would have difficulty being civil to your parents ever again.

Urgh! Something similar happened to us. We were away and left our house keys with the in laws to water the plants.
While away they decided to remove the dado rails in the sitting room and paint our bedroom a light pink. I was absolutely furious. Their reasoning? "We don't like dado rails and your bedroom was too boring"
They actually were really put out that we weren't more grateful and that we'd be so happy they'd done it for us when we sold it.
We painted it all back and sold it no problem ten years later 😁
Every now and then we remember and crack up at the audacity!

I think you handled this really well actually.

My ex in laws did this and caused us a right pain. They had always hated our navy living room and after we exchanged with new owners to be they used their spare key to go in one weekend while we were away and paint the whole thing white. Thing is, the new owners loved the navy too so kicked off about the change and we had to pay to paint it back. I was fuming and a lot less polite

I am not you op.

I would have gone ballistic.
I couldn't not give a shite about offending people who don't give two shits about offending me. Fuck them.

Who the fuck do they think they are to decorate your home without asking? That's not a nice thing, it's fucking rude, presumptuous and lots of other words..
Pair of cunts.

"Oh your mother's upset and offended.."
"So the fuck what? I'm upset and offended and it's my house, so I win, fuck you"

...... And just as an aside.. if anyone ever says to you 'im offended' the only response should be.. 'so?' not capitulation and bending over so they can screw you.

But, like I say, I am not you OP. I wouldn't even begin to feel that this is my issue to sort, I'd feel that I am the injured party and it's on them to apologise, if they don't... So long shitheaps.

I wouldn’t be fixing the fall out either.
No decent parents treat their daughter who had a baby and sepsis this way.

They sound deranged. Way to ruin your homecoming with a tiny baby and make things all about them. I’d be livid and they wouldn’t have to go NC with me as I’d have got in there first. I would change the locks and that would be an end to it. This is so far beyond normal human behaviour as to sound made up. Who does that?! And then tries to chastise you for not liking it! Is there anyone in the wider family who can call them out on it? Make them see the error of their ways?

Throw paint all over the outside of their house then phone them up, all excited, and say the house was too plain so you thought you'd cheer it up a bit.

This is just weird. You were fighting sepsis in hospital and the best thing she can think of to do is completely change your colour scheme while you’re not there! Is she on drugs! And now she’s sulking and missing out on her grandchild and being helpful to her daughter when she’s recovering from being seriously ill - is she not well? It’s beyond belief.

Hmmm I think you may have been slightly soft with them. When your dad said your mum was upset you should have replied not as upset as I am!

I think the only way to fix it is to see if someone normal will adopt you.

Purple? WTF?

Ah, the old ‘we were just trying to do something nice except we didn’t bother to check if YOU would feel it was nice’.

You can’t reason with unreasonable.

Make sure you change the locks!

Of all the things I have read on here this is one of the worst. My jaw hit the floor reading that. The mind boggles how anyone could think that was in any way shape or form acceptable! I would have gone ballistic and ordered her to pay for it to be redecorated as it was before. I would also be furious about the slap dash nature and purple paint on the windowsills.. that is a pet hate of mine.

Also the gutter press are absolutely going to love this story and it will be splashed all over it within the next few days.

Who let her into the house?

I can’t imagine going to my son’s flat where he lives with his gf and imposing any of my tastes on them let alone painting a room whilst they were elsewhere. Complete piss take to be honest

Thinking about this, I’d actually be wondering if there was some kind of legal redress. They should be paying for a decorator and to repair the damage they have caused at the very least! And for the stress this must have caused you. When I was PG, I spent ages ‘nesting’ and getting the house ready. To come home to an aubergine for a living room would have been horrendous!

Agree with op who said she was territory marking

you need to be extremely clear with them here and not back down or they are going to continue riding rough shod over you and you need to put yourself and baby first

this is also your DHs house so maybe he should go round and tell them how out of order it was and how it is not a nice thing to do and he expects them to pay to fix it. I bet they won’t try to guilt him

Bundle up with your new baby and let them miss out. It shows their true colours acting so awful at the most important time of your life and is unforgivable in my eyes.

Anyone else foreseeing other boundary breaking behaviour like baby’s first haircut…”but it just needed tidied up I thought you’d be pleased…”

"We’re repainting back to how it was (well, paying a decorator because I’m in no fit state to do anything at the moment and DH is exhausted looking after me)."

send them the invoice

Congratulations on your baby. I would have completely lost the plot if anybody had painted our walls while I was giving birth. I cannot get my head around this as it's so weird behaviour.

The fixing is for your parents to do.