To think my mum over reacted. Photo attached

[Lou989]

I was washing my hands at my mums, a bit of water went on the stainless steel bit where the pots dry. She got annoyed saying she’d spent time doing it today. It was only a bit of water. So threw. A piece of cutlery at my hands whilst they were still under the tap and said I was selfish. Haven’t done anything wrong I don’t feel

Oh, my God.

People are actually claiming that it's reasonable for somebody to use weapons against another person for no reason than their ovaries are getting past their use by date.

Fuck me, if that's the case, all babies born to somebody over the age of 34 need to be removed to a place of safety and the ovary owners should be preemptively dismissed feom employment, divorced and locked up in padded cells just in case somebody splashes a drop of water on their sink. Because you never can tell, can you? It might not just be batshit violent abusers like my mother (who was like it aged 24 AND 76) or the OP's mother, it could be any woman past peak fuckability. We're all time bombs waiting to risk murder with this discourse.

It isn't just a sink though, is it? It is something that stands out like a sore thumb if it is never cleaned, and makes the whole kitchen look better if it is. Perhaps you are the sort of person who treads mucky boots over a floor someone has just cleaned? It is, after all, ''only a floor, designed to be walked on''.

I find it hard to understand your attitude. Either you do not know stainless steel sinks, or you do and never bother to clean it until it becomes an eyesore. There is nothing compulsive about keeping an hygienic kitchen.

Weigh up the argument from both sides. I have completely lost sympathy for the OP since she posted.

There is no doubt that the OP knew her DM had cleaned the kitchen and the sink because she makes a point of telling us.

She knew also that just running the tap would undo all the work her mother had done. OP admits to doing that, so it was a deliberate act of provocation.

Why would she do that, knowing her DM would be upset - angry. How far did she push her DM before she lost her cool? Why would she want to make her mother angry?

It is like a toddler banging on a saucepan with a spoon to see how long it takes to make SM cross and take the spoon away, or emptying the bin over the clean floor.

If you know what upsets someone, why do it?

Many responses on this thread criticise the mother. It is a pity she retaliated in the end. I would have walked out and said nothing and cleaned the sink when DD had left. This DM was provoked too far, and the question we should be asking is why?

We have gone through all the symptoms of menopause and mental illness and Lord knows what else the mother is guilty of, without considering who the victim is in this situation.

I cannot conceive of a situation where I would provoke anyone like this. It is nasty and vengeful. It is hateful to know what upsets a person and doing it.

Yes, a sink is a sink and is intended to be used to wash up, but in the case of this sink, a DD is using it to hurt her DM and that cannot be right.

But it really is just a sink! There is a happy medium, it’s designed to get wet.

This is an insane take and I'm convinced you're on the wind-up. If not, jfc.

Edited to add that this is in reply to @llizzie

Yes it was just a fucking sink.
At no point did OP say she deliberately got it wet to annoy her mother, as you seem to be claiming.
Your excusing of violence is utterly sickening.

Mental violence is equally bad.

Take any situation with a couple: one shows violence by assaulting another injuring the body. Another assaults in a psychiatric way, which is sometimes much more harmful.

I am not condoning violence at all. I am trying to make the point that perhaps the OP showed a type of violence by acknowledging her DM had cleaned the sink and made it shine before running the tap, having known her DM long enough and knew the sink and how much it takes to keep clean and shiny.

I don't condone that either. I prefer to see both sides. They obviously deserve each other. I don't think either one is more aggressive than the other.

Sorry, but it is not mental violence to get a sink wet FFS! How disrespectful to people on the receiving end of actual mental violence.

Didn't she? OP didn't have to say it in as many words. It was enough to acknowledge the sink was clean.

This is not a stranger walking into someone's kitchen and using the sink. This is someone who had lived with her mother growing up and knew what pleased her and what didn't. She knew her mother had cleaned the sink and OP washed her hands in it, taking off the shine. Why would she do that?

If she had not acknowledged the sink had been cleaned before she washed her hands, I might have been on her side. In the event, I think they are both guilty of hurting one another, one mentally and one physically. I have no sympathy for either.

A real kitchen sink drama.

Your Mum is a fucking nutter, I'm sorry.

Are you trolling?

Because there is no other rational explanation for what you've written.

The day I complain about my DD getting some water on a stainless steel sink I cleaned, let alone throw sharp implements at my dd's hands .....is the day I'll check myself into a mental health institution.

perhaps the OP showed a type of violence by acknowledging her DM had cleaned the sink and made it shine before running the tap, having known her DM long enough and knew the sink and how much it takes to keep clean and shiny.

Lol.

They walk among us.

If using a newly clean sink to do sink things is now classed as mentally abusive, I'm reporting my entire family to the police. The traumatising, sink abusing buggers.

Can you imagine this scenario…

I had just cleaned the sink, it was lovely and shiny. My darling wife walked in and bloody well washed her hands at the kitchen sink. I saw red, through a fork at her, cut and marked her and she’s now got the audacity to be upset with me. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable, I think she deserved it.

What would the reaction be then?

Oh and water doesn't make clean, shiny metal ....dirty and unshiny

But even if it did, you need psychiatric help if that bothers you to any extent, let alone the extent that you throw sharp implements at other people's hands and risk injuring them.

Sorry posted too soon!

Would you be saying to a husband in this scenario, it’s her own fault, you’d cleaned the sink?

My “cleaning” gets ruined constantly, crumbs, grease marks, spills etc. It’s part of running a home 🤷‍♀️.

You are so victim blaming here, it is untrue!

@llizzie

Washing one's hands - in an actual SINK - is not an act of violence.

If a splash of clean water on a draining board enrages someone enough to make them assault their own child then frankly they need professional help. As does anyone else who thinks this is reasonable behaviour.

I feel sorry for anyone who is unable to see both sides in an argument. Not one of my posts has condoned violence in any form. I never would.

Why are you so vociferous in your comment on my post? How can you justify saying that? Where have I condoned violence? Where have I said anything to wind you up?

How do you justify taking sides? Read the OP again. She says she made her DM's sink dirty knowing she had cleaned it. Does that strike you as being an accident? The photo looks more like a burn that a cut. I cannot imagine it being caused by a piece of cutlery, can you?

Consider the row without the end result. Who started it? What started it? Was it the start, or had something taken place before that? It isn't hard to goad someone into losing their temper.

Both are at fault. I would not have thought so had the OP not mentioned that the sink had been cleaned, and knowing stainless steel sinks, I know the effort put into it. Perhaps she would have been wise to have used the bathroom washbasin.

Your posts have excused violence, you’ve reasoned that getting water on a bloody kitchen sink, an item used for water, was as bad as throwing an item and hurting someone.

You’re reasoning that that act was mental abuse is so wrong it’s untrue,

Do you need some ideas on what real mental abuse is? So you can make a comparison?

JFC!

I think you're on a wind up too. No one is this dense.

In case you're not, it's as simple as this: someone who assaults another person simply for washing their hands is ALWAYS in the wrong.

Oh, and OP never said she knew her mother had cleaned the sink; her mother shouted it at her afterwards.

@llizzie

Both are at fault. I would not have thought so had the OP not mentioned that the sink had been cleaned, and knowing stainless steel sinks, I know the effort put into it. Perhaps she would have been wise to have used the bathroom washbasin.

OP was already washing her hands when the mother lost her shit? So how was she supposed to know that the super shiny sink had been meticulously cleaned by the batshit woman? She was in the middle of washing her hands when it was told to her! You’ve not even got that right. Perhaps she would be wise to go NC with her violent mother (is it you?), that’s the best option.

If you cannot see what I mean I feel sorry for you. I prefer to live in peace. As I said, I would have left it and cleaned it when DD had gone. Isn't there enough misery in the world without adding to it?

They are both at fault.

Yes, a sink is a sink is a sink - unless it is stainless steel. I got rid of mine years ago. It was just awful. No matter how much I cleaned it, how much effort I took to make it shine with the stainless steel cleaner, just one drop of water dry on it and it needed doing again.

The world would be a much better place if people learned to live in peace. I cannot justify the OP's actions any more than I can justify DM's. They deserve each other. Why did OP even post? Was she hoping that she came out better if enough responses came down on her mother rather than take in the provocation?

I made a suggestion that perhaps the OP should even replace the stainless steel one with something more easily cleaned with bleach that specialist cleaners. That would stop her DM being upset, and take away the temptation to make it dirty again.

Think about it. Are they not both as bad as one another?

Provoking someone to take action by physical assault is goading. It might perhaps be the lesser of the two evils, but why make it happen in the first place?

They deserve each other.

That you deserved one another. Two wrongs never make a right.

Both violence and provocation are wrong. It causes misery and resentment.

What's with the nonsense about the intense effort needed to clean a stainless steel sink? Quick wipe with a cloth and the job's done. The clue is in the name.