To think my mum over reacted. Photo attached

[Lou989]

I was washing my hands at my mums, a bit of water went on the stainless steel bit where the pots dry. She got annoyed saying she’d spent time doing it today. It was only a bit of water. So threw. A piece of cutlery at my hands whilst they were still under the tap and said I was selfish. Haven’t done anything wrong I don’t feel

If you are fishing, removing everything at 35 saved my life.

I don’t understand the fishing reference, but I’m glad to read that you got what you needed there. You must have experienced the difficulties of fluctuating oestrogen then.

Have there been other behavioural changes? As these incidents have been recent, I wonder if there's an organic reason, eg something causing brain changes. Has she had headaches? Memory loss?

I'm not making excuses, just pondering possible causes as this is abnormal for her and absolutely not ok. But she might need support, despite the violent behaviour, if there's something wrong causing it. Is there another family member who can talk to her about her actions and whether she's been feeling 'not herself '?

What nonsense.

I'm very relieved you don't live with her.

I hope you told her her shame is amply justified, and that you will not hesitate to call the police the next time she assaults you.
Steer clear of her for a while.

I hope your wound heals. If it starts showing signs of infection, please go and have it seen to. (Red around the wound, weeping, pus, feeling sore).

I would have soaked the stainless steel and left. That’s just nasty of her.

I went through menopause and never attacked anybody nor had a desire or unhealthy response to something I didn’t like. Menopause has not a thing to do with attacking someone. You have to be mentally ill to be able to cut someone. It’s not a normal response to anything unless you’re a criminal trying to hide something. Physical harm being a response to something is psychotic.

Nothing to make me violent towards anyone else. Perhaps the relief of being alive put all that out of my mind.

Violence is abhorrent for whatever reason.

Then you were lucky.

For some women it’s absolutely horrendous.

No, she's not "lucky", she's normal.
Menopause can be bad, yes, but when you hear or read about attacks or assaults in the news, how often is the culprit a middle aged woman? Almost never.
To say that menopausal women are prone to violence is frankly ridiculous, ignorant and not supported by any evidence.

Not just violence. Irritability, confusion, depression… the list goes on.

To escape those symptoms is lucky. There’s no ‘normal’ when it comes to menopause.

Menopausal women are NOT prone to violence though, FGS.

What are you talking about, menopausal women are prone to violence, what am I even reading. What do you think the jails are full of menopausal women? Utterly ludicrous.

Missing the point completely

Rage is a well known menopausal symptom. Are you challenging this with your nonsense statement?

No, because most women now get help for menopausal rage. It did used to be a defence in murder cases though.

Can you give us one real, documented example of menopause being used as a defence in a murder trial?

I agree, of course it is.

Has your Mum apologised yet or acknowledged she was seriously out of order doing what she did? Until you receive an apology I'd be keeping my distance from her. If she slapped you last year then it seems something has changed in her & she can't control herself at times which is worrying. At a calm time try ringing her & asking her why she's behaving this way towards you. Don't do it face to face as she may get angry & lash out again. Tell her until she gets help for her temper you wont be visiting her & suggest she speaks with her GP about it.

What point is that?
No I have not missed the point. Have you ever had a stainless steel sink? They never look clean except when you have just polished it with stainless steel cleaner. The OP did not give the DM age in the first post, nor any other details about the DM at that time. The responses were conjecture.

It is not unlike a similar situation where you drive a car out of the car wash and a bird poops over it. Would that make you cross, or would you think it a sign of good luck?

The DM polished the stainless steel sink until it gleamed. Men polish cars in the same way, and get angry, especially if someone sees it polished and don't care.

The OP comes into the kitchen and uses the sink. The DM gets angry and throws something at the OP which causes injury. How long between those actions? Was the DM already in the kitchen and saw the OP spoil the gleam or did she just walk in, or walk in later and the OP had left it dirty?

We don't know: after all, who would admit that?

All it needed was an apology and a promise to clean the sink again. Something happened in between to cause the item to be thrown and the wound to appear. Was the DM in the kitchen with her, that she should immediately explode? It could be that the OP had used the sink and left it dirty.

The violence was wrong, but so was the OP in undoing the DM's work and not apologising. (for example, school cleaners: are they justified in getting cross each evening when they see the state of the washroom handbasins? Children can be taught to use their paper towel to clean off the tide mark)

THE POINT I was attempting to make, and I am sorry if I didn't hit the spot, is that it is better to get rid of whatever is the catalyst and replace it with a sink more easily cleaned.

The thing is to redeem something good out of a bad situation.

My last post was in response to this comment. In case you didn't see it, I apologise for a repeat in it which I cannot correct.

If you know that a loved one is angered by something, would it not be better to remove the source of the anger and replace it with something else?

It is the result of two women having a row and both determined to win. There is anger on both sides. One was hurt physically, the other non physically.

Who should apologise? The OP did something which made her DM angry enough to throw something at her - a piece of cutlery - which might or might not have caused physical injury.

Has the OP shown regret for upsetting her DM. Was the sink newly installed, or had it been there for years and the OP knowing how much time and effort it takes to make it shine like new, washed some cutlery under the tap?

No one should condone physical violence, but was it right to spoil something that had been cleaned? How many times had the OP done that before her DM exploded with anger?

We don't know. We should know both sides of an argument, otherwise comments are useless. Doesn't anyone know to redeem the bad with something good? Are apologies ever given?

Splashing water on a draining board whether done intentionally or not does not warrant violence. It was such an over reaction from the Mum to throw cutlery at her Daughter causing an injury. OP doesn't say they were rowing or that she was angry or trying to win an argument, she was washing her hands. Maybe she should have apologised, if she hadn't for splashing the water, however, it's still a massive over reaction to deliberately throw something at someone for something so minor.
It sounds like you are making excused for the Mothers behaviour. Is this something you would do yourself as I feel you don't think its seriously out of order.

It's a fucking sink it's designed to get wet.

No one should condone physical violence but you're giving it a good go here.