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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my mum over reacted. Photo attached

294 replies

Lou989 · 07/02/2025 17:30

I was washing my hands at my mums, a bit of water went on the stainless steel bit where the pots dry. She got annoyed saying she’d spent time doing it today. It was only a bit of water. So threw. A piece of cutlery at my hands whilst they were still under the tap and said I was selfish. Haven’t done anything wrong I don’t feel

Sensitive content
To think my mum over reacted. Photo attached
OP posts:
fingerbobz · 08/02/2025 17:50

A bit of water went on stainless steel?

She sounds like she has anger management problems

Elenasunshine · 08/02/2025 17:53

If this happened to me I’d tell her in no uncertain terms that you won’t accept aggressive behaviour from her anymore and that if she can’t control herself you won’t spend any further time with her. If you live with her, you really need to try and find alternative accommodation. I agree with others that this is far from normal behaviour from her Keep it clean and maybe put an anaesthetic cream on it. Sending you strength in handling this 🙏

Clarityiskey · 08/02/2025 17:55

Would be worth her seeing a GP. Possibly anxiety/ depression or early onset dementia of some kind. Good luck.

Zoec1975 · 08/02/2025 17:56

Im sorry she did this.no it is not ok,you did nothing wrong.big hugs xx

OhcantthInkofaname · 08/02/2025 18:09

The fact that you need to ask strangers is abnormal. Of course she is wrong. I think you need to go NC with your mom because slapping and throwing knives is out of control behavior. I hope it doesn't become infected.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 08/02/2025 18:16

Lou989 · 07/02/2025 21:45

It was a table knife but she threw it hard, it bounced off me

That's really not OK, OP. I'm sorry your mum behaves like this. You must walk on eggshells around her a lot.

StarkleLittleTwink · 08/02/2025 18:19

As others have said, it is abuse - or assault. I would tell her plainly you don’t intend to do anything for her again if it means getting assaulted. Make sure she is aware what she did is tantamount to assault too!

Yogre · 08/02/2025 18:20

My lovely, you are being abused, and perhaps have been for some time.

The fact you even have to ask whether this is normal means you've been subject to this for so long, I'm so sorry. It is absolutely is not normal.

Just because you are not a child, or because this isn't a romantic relationship, some people may try to downplay the abusiveness, when they would otherwise be able to spot it.

Vynalbob · 08/02/2025 18:20

It was clearly OTT . First thing that comes to mind is that maybe something is going on that she needs to see someone about... especially if it's a recent anger issue. Have seen similar anger bursts from frustration due to deteriorating MH (temporary medical thing or worse). Your not in the wrong in my opinion.

aei22 · 08/02/2025 18:24

I consider myself to have quite a bad temper.

But what she has done is deranged. There is something wrong with her. Not least because she isn’t horrified and ashamed she’s hurt you.

she’s upset about a drop of water on stainless steel, but doesn’t mind that she’s cut her adult child by throwing cutlery.

she has serious problems.

DiduAye · 08/02/2025 18:42

You are not being unreasonable Leave and do not go back near her She's gaslighting you and is emotionally and physically abusive

Nikki75 · 08/02/2025 18:49

Bless you big hugs this isn't good behavior from your mum .
That looks really sore does she know what she has done this is out of order xx

Pippyls67 · 08/02/2025 19:01

You need to move out asap. Your DM has zero respect for you. She may well secretly want you gone and it’s bubbling over into abuse. I fear this may get worse. You are not living in a place that is good for you. Anywhere - as long as it’s safe. would be better than this right now.

Thirteenblackcat · 08/02/2025 19:03

Wow, she needs anger management

butterpuffed · 08/02/2025 19:06

Pippyls67 · 08/02/2025 19:01

You need to move out asap. Your DM has zero respect for you. She may well secretly want you gone and it’s bubbling over into abuse. I fear this may get worse. You are not living in a place that is good for you. Anywhere - as long as it’s safe. would be better than this right now.

OP said she was washing her hands at her mum's in the first post so it's doubtful that she lives there .

Buzyizzy21 · 08/02/2025 19:11

Lou989 · 07/02/2025 17:31

Photo won’t upload atm but I have a slightly bigger than a 20p size wound and it’s very red and now bleeding

So it didn’t immediately pour blood everywhere? You’ve had to squeeze it out! 🤣🤣🤣

Thirteenblackcat · 08/02/2025 19:16

Buzyizzy21 · 08/02/2025 19:11

So it didn’t immediately pour blood everywhere? You’ve had to squeeze it out! 🤣🤣🤣

Show quote history

What is so funny? You think it’s amusing to have a table knife thrown at you it cuts you open do you?

StrikeAlways · 08/02/2025 19:18

Since she has only had violent outbursts once last year and once this year, I wonder if she is menopausal. I’m not excusing her behaviour, but it’s a hell of a hormonal rollercoaster. Maybe ask her about it and encourage her to obtain hormonal treatment (or s change to it) if appropriate for her.

Dotto · 08/02/2025 19:21

StrikeAlways · 08/02/2025 19:18

Since she has only had violent outbursts once last year and once this year, I wonder if she is menopausal. I’m not excusing her behaviour, but it’s a hell of a hormonal rollercoaster. Maybe ask her about it and encourage her to obtain hormonal treatment (or s change to it) if appropriate for her.

It's not OP's job to assist someone abusing her. Her mother is presumably not incapable. She need not rescue and fix.

StrikeAlways · 08/02/2025 19:27

Dotto · 08/02/2025 19:21

It's not OP's job to assist someone abusing her. Her mother is presumably not incapable. She need not rescue and fix.

Show quote history

The OP said there were two incidents. One last year and this one. She also said her mother regretted it. If their relationship has otherwise been good, it would not be inappropriate to have that conversation. That does not preclude zero tolerance on any more of this. Would you say the same about a husband being in this same position with a 50-year-old wife with two out of character incidents like this?

Laura95167 · 08/02/2025 19:31

This is DV, if you live at home please make a plan. The injuries and lack of accountability are worrying

Georgyporky · 08/02/2025 19:34

CaptainMyCaptain · 07/02/2025 19:38

Quite. That remark says more about @Georgyporky's behaviour than anything else.

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Quite. I stand up for myself, I,m not a punchbag

Polarpup · 08/02/2025 19:40

Please see a Dr with her as she may have early onset dementia depending on her age, which is not stated here. Different Dementia diseases have different symptoms and increasing violence can be a symptom of one type of dementia. Obviously if she has always been violent that is different.

Rainbowdeer · 08/02/2025 19:57

Tbhmid report it to the police as its adult, she needs the help tbh

Then I'd stay way as much as possible

CaptainMyCaptain · 08/02/2025 19:57

Georgyporky · 08/02/2025 19:34

Quite. I stand up for myself, I,m not a punchbag

Show quote history

Neither am I but I have never punched anybody lights out. There are better ways of dealing with it like walking out. I don't go round punching people.