DH sharing dessert with female colleague

[CMaxC]

My DH had a company night out last week. My brother also works at the same company and called me last night to tell me that my DH was sharing a dessert with one of his colleagues. Like they were sitting together eating this ice cream thing with two spoons like they were on a date.

Apparently, he and this women were inseparable all night to the point that people were apparently asking what was going on.

I don’t want to think the worst of the situation but I just wanted to gather some thoughts on whether this is a normal event: I certainly wouldn’t share a dessert with a male colleague - it just feels a little bit intimate. But AIBU? Hopefully I am.

thanks for any advice!

It could evas somple as one wanting dessert, but asking if the other wanted to split it except it was brought out on one pate, not two OR that it wasn't the type of dessert to break into two.
However, the part about them seeming inseparable to the point that others noticed is worth wondering about.
Are they "work spouses?"

I am very relaxed about stuff generally and not jealous as a rule. This would ring warning bells for me for sure. It’s odd.

I go to conferences etc and my male boss and I get on really well and are quite close in that people comment on us getting on especially well.

Not a cat’s chance in hell would I share a dessert with him like that. It’s a level of intimacy that goes beyond colleagues somehow.

You’re doubling down on that nonsense?

My best work mate is male. I would have probably shared a dessert with him and spent the night talking to him. I would never shag him though. My DP does a hobby where he goes away weekends with team mates, they are male and female. He is close to some of the women. He would never bang any of them either.

This...

Based on the info you have at this point, that is a huge over reaction

How close are you to your brother? The fact he told you, and did so some time after it happened would bother me. Perhaps he paid attention to your husband and the woman's relationship, in the days following the icecream incident and decided you should be aware.

This gave me the ick just from the title! Your husband is having an affair - maybe an emotional affair at this point - with his colleague. Your brother knows more than he’s saying and is trying to tip you off without placing himself in the position of total messenger for fear of affecting his relationship with you. Confront you husband and see his reaction or do research first..

The desert wouldn't bother me - I am not sure it would be worth splitting ice-cream on to two separate plates.
Do you trust what your brother says? What is your relationship like with him? What is his relationship like with your husband? What is your relationship like with your husband.

When you speak to your husband - what if he denies they were inseparable and that they were just sharing an ice cream and no one had anything to talk about.

I find it odd that your husband would be so obvious people were talking when his wife's brother was in attendance.

Your husband is going to know it was your brother who told you and it will then basically be one word against another. Would you be better saying nothing just yet and doing a little more digging. I wouldn't personally because I would be waiting at the front door but it might be better to take some space.

I am imagining this with my colleagues male and female and no it wouldn't happen. It is definitely only something you would do with an element of closeness. Separate plates etc yes of course but not actually sharing one dessert.

DH has been messaging me, he clearly knows something is up because I’m being quite quiet in my replies. I’m really tempted to ask him about it over text but I want to see him face to face to tell if he’s lying.

im not massively close to my DB, we don’t have a lot in common but obviously we love each other.

Back in November I had lunch with a very old friend (male). We met at the restaurant, where we hugged each other and kissed on the cheek. We are very fond of each other, and if both our partners happened to fall/be pushed under a bus we might get together. Or we might not bother!

It's a very good restaurant. We ordered different dishes and during the course of the meal we both tasted a bit of every course off each other's plates. We used our own cutlery - neither of us had visible symptoms of hand, foot and mouth disease.

After reading this thread I became concerned that someone who knows us might have SEEN US and may report this shocking display of intimacy, plus the fact that we laughed a lot, back to MrG and MrsOF. So I confessed all during dinner and asked if I should pack my bags. MrG looked at me as though I was insane.

Your DB sounds like a shit stirrer to me.

Not at all helpful, and for this i am sorry. But, this happened at a work do of mine. One guy who was in a relationship with kids (whose wife also worked with us but was at home with said kids) was inseparable with a female colleague all night to the point almost everyone noticed and commented on how inappropriate and disrespectful it was. A week later he left his wife and moved on with this colleague. Challenge this behaviour and don't let him manipulate you into believing it's normal. Even if nothing went on, he crossed a line and embarrassed you. Hugs OP x

Genuinely, what is the point you’re trying to make here? OP should be worried, unless she is as cool as you and your husband, in which case she shouldn’t be? I’m not sure.

I'd share a dessert with anyone without giving it a thought really. I can't eat a full one myself and it would seem daft to have it go to waste.

But being so close all night that people pass comment? Nah, I wouldn't do that. I like to let my hair down and have fun, but I don't behave inappropriately or put myself in situations which would make me the subject of gossip that could potentially damage my reputation, career or relationship.

Do your DB and your DH have an adversarial relationship? Why don’t you just be direct and ask your DH about it?

If you’d read the full post then you’d be aware that it wasn’t the dessert sharing alone that has aroused suspicions.

OP, the dessert thing wouldn’t bother me but other people commenting on them being inseparable would make me wonder if something was going on.

I thought they had a decent relationship. I only found out yesterday and DH has been away: I’d rather be face to face so I can tell if he is being truthful.

Unless your brother has form for being malicious or a drama queen I’d take his comments seriously

I’ve shared many a pud with work colleagues but I do not behave intimately, siting alone and not socialising
he knew your brother was watching so it’s an odd place to start an affair, but stranger things have happened

I’d wait until you’re face to face.

I wouldn’t be bothered by the dessert thing as this is something I’d do with some of my close friends. The other comments would be a concern though. If you text him about it and there is something going on, it gives him time to cover it up. Just act normal until you can ask him in person so you can get a true reaction

There’ve been many times you’ve shared a dish that can’t be halved by eating from the same plate? Really?

How extraordinary. Surely by the third of fourth time you simply started ordering your own ice cream.

I too was wondering if your brother was trying to warn you that he thinks your DH is up to no good.

Ok, fair enough. It is a fair few number of steps from sharing dessert to an affair. Sometimes brothers are very protective of their sisters, so whilst I’m not trying to downplay your concern, I might keept that in mind. I don’t think you will really know until you see your DH and have a chat. The most I can see here (and this is if your DB is being accurate) is some flirtation. That doesn’t make it right, but it isn’t an affair.

Yucky behaviour. Ewwwww ignore his texts forever!