Want my abusive violent son out!!

[Whatayear2023]

I've had enough!!!
I have not one single person helping me!
My son is 13 almost 14.
He refused school 2 years ago. I am supposed to home school him but he won't do a thing just says no.
He's very violent towards me I don't go most weeks without a bruise
He lies about the most horrid things.
Anything I say he twists
Anything I ask him to do is met with a fook off pathetic fat pig.
He breaks Anything I have tells me it's shit anyway
Xmas day I got him stuff he opened.it and said to take it all back its all a load.of.shit despite it being things he asked for or needed
I have been to Dr's twice who made referrals and apparently each time it's call the family advice... when he was in primary a referral was done due to him attacking me.unprovoked and all these referrals are parental workshops.
I'm not being funny but when do they actually sort out the child instead of just saying oh you need parental course.
I've read.and tried so many different approaches over the years.nothing works.
He's not abused witnessed violence I don't drink use drugs and I've never brought a man home.
I want to walk out but can't ...

Hello @Whatayear2023 can you keep a charged phone on you at all times? Do you have a room you can lock/barricade yourself into with your other dc? A car?

You have been given some very knowledgable advice on this thread. Will you take those steps?

I have seen too many tv programmes about violence and abuse to mum/dad where it just escalates in a hot moment to a death and orphan dc being devastated for life.

You have tried everything you can, it is spiraling out of control, getting worse, now you really need to take the next step and protect yourself for your dc. Please op. Your dc need their mum.

Again there are processes tio be followed you can't just make stuff up in your mind and decide you are right
Back in the real world these things take time that's just the way it is.

You can self refer to social services and tell them you can no longer cope. They will come and assess and if necessary move him to supported living.

Request another referral to CAMHS. If it is declined, complain. Including complaining to the ICB.

Also request social care assessments again (including a carer’s assessment for you) using the model letters on Contact’s website. If this is refused you can complain then request an independent review. If necessary, you can also go to the LGO. In some cases, JR may be possible.

Request an EHCNA yourself using one of the model letters on IPSEA’s website. DS does not need to be on the roll of a school for this. You do not need 2 terms of APDR either. That is a myth. Unless you have to appeal, which I appreciate many do, the process takes 20 weeks from first request to finalising the EHCP. This timescale is set out in law and whilst LAs think they don’t have to stick to it, parents can force the LA to act.

Alongside this, I would inform the LA you are no longer EHEing and they need to make suitable alternative arrangements to ensure DS receives a suitable full-time education. This does not have to be via a mainstream school and DS does not need to be on the roll of a mainstream school in order for this to happen.

Oh quit with the many !!s

By the way , you know nothing of my situation there. Nothing.

KP, kindly, have you asked the police to press charges when your son is violent?

I would get a Nanny can, or something like . Set it up to.protect yourself.

I’m sorry you are struggling op.

I haven’t RTFT so don’t know if this organisation has been linked already:

https://www.pegsupport.co.uk/

Child to parent abuse is a much more common problem than people think and it’s a growing problem.

How did you discipline him as a child and how do you now? Have you tried to get an assessment/ diagnosis before?

Next time he puts hands on you or any of your other children, ring the police and get them to arrest him, press charges and make sure you follow through. This is domestic abuse.

You are experiencing CAPVA (Child to Parent Violence and Abuse). Unfortunately most services don’t know how to respond. You would be better off contacting a specialist organisation such as PEGS, CAPA First Response or Respect. Your local domestic abuse service may also be able to point you in the right direction. You also need a robust safety plan and to call the police on 999 if you need to.

Supported living is for young people aged 16. Not 13! Social services are very very unlikely to take this child into care or to a Foster placement. There are no spaces available. If she kicks him out as some has been suggested she would likely be arrested for child abandonment.

So? What has that got to do with thread precisely? OP didn’t state in her opening post whether or not he had been diagnosed with anything and it would have been relevant in case people could advise her where to go for support

Absolutely. But by taking him off the school roll you are absolving the LA of any responsibility towards him and his education. While he is on the roll, even if not attending, then he stays their responsibility so it is in their interests to engage with helping him and finding a suitable education/solution.

Presumably he’s been arrested multiple times if he’s assaulting you and causing bruising weekly?

Good luck to this. The little chappy has heard somewhere he has < human rights > and everyone who tells him to do something is against him. The mother needs police involvement. A male presence

I cannot believe I need to explain this to you.

The MOST important thing is that the OP gets some support so that she can get out of a very unsafe situation. The best way for her to get that support will change depending on what is causing it

The Op can't get the police to do any of that though it would be up to them to arrest him and CPS to decide if there are any charges to be pressed.

This is incorrect.
You can put your child in care.

This sounds awful. I'm so sorry you are having to manage such an out of control child. Has he ever had tics or separation anxiety?

He sounds awful OP. Can’t you call social services and let them know he is going to be homeless as he’s no longer welcome to live with you.

It can help because within the NHS there are specialist teams that can work with behaviours like this that arise from Autism and give medication and strategies to manage the behaviour. Typical behaviour management doesn't always work with Autistic and ADHD people.

Just to add it can be easier to get into these services with a criminal conviction so OP should also report every assault to the police.

He is refusing to go to school.