AIBU for asking guidance teacher for a meeting about my son?

[Sausageandchip]

DP thinks I’ve been an bit unreasonable but I am raging about this. Advice on what to do next also appreciated.

I have 2 sons in high school (Scotland) S6 & S1.

Since starting in August s1 son has been in bother quite a bit, not doing well in classes and getting in trouble (minor stuff like fights and social media things). I’ve also been getting loads of behaviour texts home but be was absolutely fine with no issues at primary.

My kids school have a system where they put the same guidance teacher in charge of all kids in the same family and this teacher was always fine with my eldest.

I had asked to have a meeting with social subject faculty head about S1 son because my son had “failed” an end of term assessment (he never failed anything in primary so I don’t get what’s happened) so I had phoned school to see if guidance teacher could arrange a meeting with the teacher and me and her.

She instead just forwarded a very long winded response from the department telling me how they marked it and how he can do better next time . I replied saying I wasn’t happy with this, and she gave prelims as the reason why they didn’t want a meeting this week (Which sounded like nonsense to me).

she phoned me later that day, and basically said because it’s prelims now the department are busy and I might need to wait a few weeks for a meeting if i want all of us there together.

here’s where DP says I (might) BU.

I said I was going to come in today for the meeting and she said she couldn’t. I said that I felt that she just couldn’t be bothered with this meeting and she said this was not the case, but because she deals with all other kinds of things in her job like child protection and police and social work, these things just have to take priority sometimes and said again that also the department will need to mark prelims for seniors before anyone can meet.

I then said to her to be honest I don’t give a flying duck (I might have used the naughty words) what else you are doing, I just want to meet about MY son. At this point she ended the call saying she would see if she could arrange a call with someone next week.

she also suggested we just wait and see how he does on his next test, but I felt that was a cop out. We have met her in person once before for a meeting about his behaviour but it seems now she can’t be bothered meeting about getting his grades up??!!

AIBU for requesting a meeting for my son?

Wow
you’re that parent

If by that parent you mean I care about my kids education then yes I am.

So she's trying to keep kids literally safe and she's got you on the phone swearing at her because of your lazy son. Maybe try talking to your son first?!

You cannot seriously be asking if you were unreasonable! You are going completely the wrong way about helping your son swearing at the teacher. They just will not engage with you or take you seriously if you are going to be verbally abusive.

Of course you can request a meeting but you can't insist it is on your time frame. Teachers are absolutely overloaded with work and it sounds like they had a very legitimate reason for having to wait a few weeks. They have communicated with you in writing and via a phone call.

I am interested to know what career you are in where you think it's acceptable to speak to professionals (or anyone) in such a way.

Well I can't for the life of me work out why your DH may think you are being unreasonable.

You’re being very unreasonable. If a parent swore at me on the phone like you did, I would likely refuse to speak to them until I received an apology. Totally out of order! Your demands are also ridiculous, as is your minimising of your DSs behaviour. Fighting and social media stuff isnt minor stuff.

Yes you're being unreasonable! And not a bit unreasonable, quite a lot unreasonable. Of course they have to prioritise their work - safeguarding will always come first and surely you understand that prelims are important and take up a lot of time and energy. Your priority is not their priority. They are not saying no to a three person meeting, just that you need to wait a little bit and in the meantime he's information / feedback for your son.

I also think you have your priorities re. your son muddled. I'd be concerned about the multiple instances of poor behaviour (fights are not minor and neither is social media things depending on what that entailed). I think you need to speak to the guidance teacher about that, and also to your son. The priority is not that he failed an assignment but why he's not settled into secondary school and is constantly acting out.

I also think you owe the teacher an apology. She was very professional in not hanging up on you immediately.

You are being a total twat in all honesty.

Independent or state?

If you care about your child's education, the obvious thing to do would be to look at the (by the sounds of it) extensive feedback and suggestions for improvement the school already sent you based on his last test and do some work around it with your son. I am not entirely sure what more you expect to achieve with this meeting.

I understand that you are frustrated and really want the best for your child. However teachers only have a certain amount of time in the day and have lots of children's needs to meet and a heck of a job to do.

You are not unreasonable to request a meeting, but are unreasonable to demand it to be in your time frame and you are very unreasonable to swear and be verbally abusive towards a teacher.
I think they have been helpful in explaining how the exam was marked and how your child can do better next time. Maybe take some time to read this properly and it will give the answers to how to get his grades up.

Wow! Seriously OP, did you hear what the teacher said? You insist on meeting her today or this week for a subject your son failed in while she explains to you that she's not available this week due to prelims. She had already sent you an e-mail explaining how they graded and how your son could do better. She explained that she was busy with prelims and other things like child protection including SS and police. You responded you don't give a fuck because you want to talk about YOUR son.

Jesus. I'm so happy I'm not a teacher. You are not only unreasonable but extremely entitled and rude. Read the friggin email and help your son accordingly. It seems like there are other problems going on as well with him so maybe try to get to the bottom with his behavioural issues before you start worrying about his grades.

I'm a teacher and I would not meet you about a failed assessment particularly given your attitude. It is prelim and assignment time in Scottish schools at the moment. An S1 assessment is definitely not the priority. You have been given a meeting in a couple of weeks which I think you should be thankful for.

state school in Glasgow.

Don't be an arsehole
Patent your son properly

Did you really write “minor things like fights”?

What have you been doing about his behaviour?

• parent

You are being totally unreasonable.

Your child is behaving terribly (fights and 'social media things' are not minor). He has done badly in a test, which for some reason you think is odd because of his record at primary school. Lots of kids do fine in primary but go off the rails or find the work harder at secondary school. Based on his behaviour, it doesn't sound like he has the best attitude.

The teacher has taken the time to give you a long explanation and advice. Instead of taking that advice, accepting your son has serious behaviour issues and trying to deal with that, you are trying to demand a meeting. You don't get to make the school have a meeting with you.

i just don’t believe that suddenly since starting secondary there are “behavioural” issues when there was none at primary.

Exactly 🤦‍♀️

Do you think the staff are making them up then?

I wonder where your son might have his aggression and lack of self control from? No wonder nobody wants to go into teaching.

Do better.

Yeah just kind of play fights though, nothing serious or any injuries. Me and the other boys mum sorted it out as they went to primary together, so it’s not like the school had to do anything except tell me about it.

Why? It's not at all unusual. The combination of a change of environment, the beginnings of puberty and different friendship groups, plus a larger cohort of students, harder work and different expectations is enough to change quite a few students' behavioir, attitude and academic performance.