AIBU for asking guidance teacher for a meeting about my son?

[Sausageandchip]

DP thinks I’ve been an bit unreasonable but I am raging about this. Advice on what to do next also appreciated.

I have 2 sons in high school (Scotland) S6 & S1.

Since starting in August s1 son has been in bother quite a bit, not doing well in classes and getting in trouble (minor stuff like fights and social media things). I’ve also been getting loads of behaviour texts home but be was absolutely fine with no issues at primary.

My kids school have a system where they put the same guidance teacher in charge of all kids in the same family and this teacher was always fine with my eldest.

I had asked to have a meeting with social subject faculty head about S1 son because my son had “failed” an end of term assessment (he never failed anything in primary so I don’t get what’s happened) so I had phoned school to see if guidance teacher could arrange a meeting with the teacher and me and her.

She instead just forwarded a very long winded response from the department telling me how they marked it and how he can do better next time . I replied saying I wasn’t happy with this, and she gave prelims as the reason why they didn’t want a meeting this week (Which sounded like nonsense to me).

she phoned me later that day, and basically said because it’s prelims now the department are busy and I might need to wait a few weeks for a meeting if i want all of us there together.

here’s where DP says I (might) BU.

I said I was going to come in today for the meeting and she said she couldn’t. I said that I felt that she just couldn’t be bothered with this meeting and she said this was not the case, but because she deals with all other kinds of things in her job like child protection and police and social work, these things just have to take priority sometimes and said again that also the department will need to mark prelims for seniors before anyone can meet.

I then said to her to be honest I don’t give a flying duck (I might have used the naughty words) what else you are doing, I just want to meet about MY son. At this point she ended the call saying she would see if she could arrange a call with someone next week.

she also suggested we just wait and see how he does on his next test, but I felt that was a cop out. We have met her in person once before for a meeting about his behaviour but it seems now she can’t be bothered meeting about getting his grades up??!!

AIBU for requesting a meeting for my son?

This, 'I don't give a flying fuck about the safeguarding needs of other children, why aren't you taking responsibility for my child's poor behaviour'?

And this is why society is going downhill, parents like these.

No, that’s definitely not what that parent means.
Fighting at school dismissed as a “minor” issue, abusing school staff when they don’t jump when you click your fingers…
You’re that parent alright.

If you behave like this , is it really that much of a stretch to believe you soon is misbehaving in school? He is learning it from somewhere. He failed one exam... Get over it. You need to learn to have some respect. The school doesn't revolve around your son!

YABU on so many things I've lost count.

Fights and SM things are not minor stuff.

You do not get to demand a meeting or just rock up whenever you fancy.

You do not have the right to swear at a teacher.

You should show your son the email, go through his test with him and see what went wrong/where he could do better.

Maybe if your son chatted less and listened more , he would've passed the test.

You have one kid to prioritise , they have hundreds. A gobby, fighting and mucking about kid, will probably be low on their list of priorities.

Fuck sake.

I’d put money on you having done nothing about these fights and other troubles your son has gotten into. Did he get any kind of punishment? Or was your golden boy a victim each time?

If I were that teacher, I’d put you to the back of the queue for any kind of interaction? Swearing at them and saying you don’t care about their other priorities? Go fuck yourself, is what I’d be thinking if I was her.

Jesus. Getting into fights and bullying (?) on social media are not 'minor' things.

You sound like a nightmare and your son sounds like a little shit.

And you swore at the teacher?? Classy.

Don't you realise how much extra work teachers have to do around prelims??

You are the epitome of entitled.

Up your game and start parenting your horrible son, FGS.

'Play-fighting' amongst boys is completely unacceptable. Eventually someone gets hurts. Normally an outsider not involved. So many parents I've phone excuse this behaviour, one said her husband and his brothers did it all the way through secondary, it's a right of passage. She then complained about me when I didn't look after her DS properly when he got his arm broken on the field.

If you have a son in S6 too, it would be interesting to hear what he thinks about his brother's general conduct in school. It would also be interesting if you'd be happy for him to have to wait for his prelim results/report/grade estimate because the teacher was meeting all the S1 parents whose kids needed help with the test.

Fighting, whether play fighting, as you describe or real aggression.
Social media issues- that could hide a multitude of things.
Too much talking in class- do you have any idea how disruptive that is on a daily basis.

Added to that, you were aggressive, refused to accept the reasons for teachers not jumping when you tried to insist and you swore at them.

I’d refuse to meet you at all.

You are not being unreasonable to want a meeting to chat about your child's school work and to help him stay on top of things, you are however, very, very unreasonable to be swearing at school staff - simply no need.

He does sound like a little shit and it’s clear to see where he gets it from.

You can just sense the “my boy would never do that”, “that teacher has it in for him” attitude in her.

Sounds like he needs to be in a different class from his primary mates as they’re distracting each other.

and he might need to start doing some extra work at home to get his essay writing up to scratch and doing more reading. I’m sure they will have cgp work books for his curriculum. Secondary requires more effort than primary, just attending lesson isn’t enough.

and if he’s in lesson with his mates he’s probably not paying as much attention as he thinks he is. Which is why didn’t do well.

the meeting with the teacher isn’t urgent that it needs to happen same day. You need to be focusing this energy on DS not the poor teacher

I think she is being unreasonable to want the faculty head to meet with her to spend more time discussing her son's performance in an S1 test, when he/she has already sent her a long email about how he can do better.
I would think meeting the guidance teacher to discuss all the behaviour reports and how to turn this around is of more use.

Sounds like DP is dead right! What on earth gives you reason to think they would be making this stuff up about your son and purposely downgrading his work?!

This was actually a helpful comment thank you.
I don’t understand what you mean about contractually? Surely it’s their job? The guidance teacher told me that I can see the teacher at parents evening which is later this term but only 5m and online so not actually helpful.
its good to know that they genuinely are marking and it takes time because I just thought she was fobbing me off.

i tried again with the guidance teacher today and the office wouldn’t even put me through to her phone.

They said she was “teaching or in a meeting all day”, (which I don’t believe) so I’ve sent another email requesting a meeting so will update.

Are you surprised you weren't put through to her ? I mean really. Also is it actually questionable that she is teaching and/ or in meetings all day? That's her job after all.

They are totally different kids so can’t really compare them. My eldest boy is much more academic where as the second does better in practical situations and sport.

I did actually notice the only prelims my s6 boy hasn’t got back yet are English and history, so I wonder if it’s just those departments take longer or are slower or something. of course I’m not happy for him to wait but at the same time I’m only looking for a 15 minute meeting - not a bloody day long conference 😆

You think getting into fights is minor?

Surely it’s her job to be there for kids and parents when they need her no? For whatever “guidance” she’s meant to be offering (not sure who she’s guiding to do what at the moment 🙄 )

even my oldest son had to make an appointment with her to go through his UCAS application stuff! That feels ridiculous - surely she should just be there for when people need her?

I get it on one level - teaching is hard etc, but I can’t help but feel that she’s just a bit lazy and can’t be bothered.

This. It sounds like the apple doesn't fall far from tree. Swearing and making threats is bang out of order. Describing things like fights and social media as "minor" is appalling. Actually parent your child properly instead of making excuses for his exceptionally poor behaviour before things get much worse.

You are so horribly entitled. You do realise your kids are at state school right ? You read like a private school parent who thinks she can demand the teachers attention because she's laying a fat fee. Can you imagine if someone rocked up at your work in the day, swore at you and demanded you make time for a chat amongst your normal tasks - I don't think many of us working folk would be able to spare time to go pee let alone pander to your needs. Perhaps that's the problem, perhaps you're lucky enough not to have to work!
Honestly have a word with yourself and have some fucking empathy for overstretched teachers

She doesn't want to talk to you on the phone because of your appalling attitude and entitlement. She's quite right. She tried to arrange a meeting with you at a later date due to her other commitments and it wasn't good enough for you. Your son has another five odd years at the school potentially, my advice would be to apologise to teacher and teach your son how to behave properly.

Sorry but if I was the teacher, I think I would point blank refuse to meet a parent who swears at me over the phone. You should probably leave her alone now, and hope that it blows over and that she forgets your remarks.

What a horrible, entitled attitude. She isn't just your children's personal guidance teacher to be available at your beck and call whenever you demand her to be. She's guidance teacher for numerous children. Imagine if all of these children's parents just rocked up expecting meetings at the same time. Of course she has to schedule appointments.

Guidance teachers have an enormous workload. They don't just sit about waiting for parents to turn up. They deal with issues like child protection and liaise with professionals. Issues that are FAR more important than your minor grumble. Absolutely appalling to call her lazy. Honestly you should be ashamed at your attitude, it's an appalling example to set to your own children to be so entitled and judgmental.