AIBU for asking guidance teacher for a meeting about my son?

[Sausageandchip]

DP thinks I’ve been an bit unreasonable but I am raging about this. Advice on what to do next also appreciated.

I have 2 sons in high school (Scotland) S6 & S1.

Since starting in August s1 son has been in bother quite a bit, not doing well in classes and getting in trouble (minor stuff like fights and social media things). I’ve also been getting loads of behaviour texts home but be was absolutely fine with no issues at primary.

My kids school have a system where they put the same guidance teacher in charge of all kids in the same family and this teacher was always fine with my eldest.

I had asked to have a meeting with social subject faculty head about S1 son because my son had “failed” an end of term assessment (he never failed anything in primary so I don’t get what’s happened) so I had phoned school to see if guidance teacher could arrange a meeting with the teacher and me and her.

She instead just forwarded a very long winded response from the department telling me how they marked it and how he can do better next time . I replied saying I wasn’t happy with this, and she gave prelims as the reason why they didn’t want a meeting this week (Which sounded like nonsense to me).

she phoned me later that day, and basically said because it’s prelims now the department are busy and I might need to wait a few weeks for a meeting if i want all of us there together.

here’s where DP says I (might) BU.

I said I was going to come in today for the meeting and she said she couldn’t. I said that I felt that she just couldn’t be bothered with this meeting and she said this was not the case, but because she deals with all other kinds of things in her job like child protection and police and social work, these things just have to take priority sometimes and said again that also the department will need to mark prelims for seniors before anyone can meet.

I then said to her to be honest I don’t give a flying duck (I might have used the naughty words) what else you are doing, I just want to meet about MY son. At this point she ended the call saying she would see if she could arrange a call with someone next week.

she also suggested we just wait and see how he does on his next test, but I felt that was a cop out. We have met her in person once before for a meeting about his behaviour but it seems now she can’t be bothered meeting about getting his grades up??!!

AIBU for requesting a meeting for my son?

You were incredibly rude and I would not allow one of my staff to meet with you without me there which means you’d have to wait longer.

You don’t get to throw your weight around and demand things. Maybe the apple didn’t fall far from the tree!

He is upset because he says he tried really hard on the test and still failed. It was an essay type one and they just gave basic advice for next time. Nothing really detailed or specific about him.

Gosh don’t you sound like a delight. You’d now be bottom of my list to deal with, for sure.

One of those parents that think their child is an angel and it's all the schools fault
Wise up

I wonder where your son gets it from?!

Lots of kids find that secondary has challenges they didn’t face at primary. It’s not always perfectly suited to every kid. You also don’t give much info about his friends or anything else. What has he to say about all of this?

Putting the word in quotes like this makes it seem that you’re suggesting that teachers are inventing incidents of poor behaviour- are you? Or suggesting something else?

It's not like the school had to do anything about it? Are you serious?! Maybe take a moment to think about the fact that teachers are in a building in charge of hundreds and hundreds of kids for whose safety and behaviour they're responsible. Of course they have do do something about kids dicking around fighting each other

Ffs have a word with yourself - your behaviour is appalling

I teach about 300 students. There's a limit on how specific and detailed your advice can be, especially in the first year of secondary (rather than an exam class).

At my school, we have a policy that includes immediately ending a phone call when a parent swears at us. It’s sad that it has to exist and we have to action it alarmingly frequently.

He says it’s not that deep and they were just mucking about.
He also thinks teachers are just targeting him and his 2 friends in the same class from primary because they talk too much. I’ve told him to stop doing that and focus on his work.

This is very common actually. They are full of hormones and the expectations of workload and behaviour changes in secondary. If I were you I would try to get to the bottom of it: does he have friends? How are they? Is he happy? Does he have any hobbies? Something is off if he's misbehaving and this should be your priority, not harassing the poor teacher about his grades (which you can help him with if you read the mail she sent you).

No, you're that parent who effs and blinds at a teacher just because she doesn't drop everything to meet you to explain why your son didn't pass a test. That's so entitled and ridiculous.

The fact that you called fights.. minor. Wow.

Nobody is targeting your son - they are targeting disruptive behaviour as they should.

He's probably not paid attention to whats been taught, not listened to teacher's explanation as to how to write an essay answer, scribbled something down, and therefore not done well. Been given some advice for next time. Is struggling to settle in etc.

At primary mine didnt do any tests where you could pass or fail - you got a mark, maybe a comment, and maybe asked to revisit it for homework. They also didn't write essay-style answers. For mine I'd not have known if he'd come bottom of the class or top. So I'd not be able to compare how well P7 went vs S1, academically.

Sounds like this is the issue then! He needs to keep his head down as talking in class is a disruptive behaviour and also 'play fighting' is not just mucking around, and again could lead to someone getting hurt and is going to result in him being disciplined if that's what teachers see him doing.
Secondary school is very different to primary and while the teacher at primary sees your child for whole day and gets to know them, secondary school they see multiple teachers who can only go in what they see. If your child is making choices to misbehave by talking and play fighting they are going to flag this up.

It sounds like you have got a lot of feedback regarding the assessment and should read that. It might also be that they were given feedback in class.

I hope this is a wind up. If it's real you are absolutely disgusting. Poor children and poor teachers.

Swearing at a teacher over a minor matter is vile. You are just a scumbag.

He also thinks teachers are just targeting him and his 2 friends in the same class from primary because they talk too much.

Yes, they’ll be put through the consequences chain if they talk too much. “Low level disruption” is one of the hardest things to deal with as a teacher, it can destroy a lesson and is really unfair to the other kids in the class who AREN’T chatting and messing about, and so if they’re doing this, they absolutely will be “targeted”. The answer is for them to stop disrupting lessons, then the teachers won’t “target” them.

"minor stuff like fights and social media things"

So fights are acceptable to you? And what does "social media things" even mean?

because my son had “failed” an end of term assessment (he never failed anything in primary so I don’t get what’s happened

So, by your logic, he should pass everything in this school just because 'he never failed anything in primary'? Surely, you understand how absurd that is.

If I were you, I would focus my energy on your son rather than shifting the blame on hardworking teachers.

Your son didn’t pass his test because he’s talking in lessons, likely has a poor attitude to learning and certainly isn’t respecting school expectations with the fighting. Instead of demanding meetings with school staff, hold your son accountable for his actions and their consequences. This will have a far more positive impact on his attainment.

By demanding a meeting with school staff, you’re establishing his sense of entitlement, removing his responsibility and suggesting that he isn’t at fault. He’ll end up just as entitled as you sound if you carry on.

You really should be more concerned about the behaviour points. If your child behaves in class e.g. stops talking he will have more than likely achieved a higher grade.

Play fighting at school is not acceptable at primary or secondary. This is how children get hurt.

The school are adding behaviour points because your child is misbehaving. It is not targeted, he will more than likely have more than 5 teachers a day - do you really think they have the time and inclination to club together and target him? Really?

I would be contacting the school to see how I can support them and how I can help him do better!

You didn't request a meeting. You demanded one. You have been ignoring behaviour texts and passing off his behaviour including fighting as minor. You are suddenly interested as he has done badly in a test. The teacher found out some information about the test and offered to meet in a few weeks. You swore and behaved badly. It is not difficult to see why your ds is having problems.