AIBU for asking guidance teacher for a meeting about my son?

[Sausageandchip]

DP thinks I’ve been an bit unreasonable but I am raging about this. Advice on what to do next also appreciated.

I have 2 sons in high school (Scotland) S6 & S1.

Since starting in August s1 son has been in bother quite a bit, not doing well in classes and getting in trouble (minor stuff like fights and social media things). I’ve also been getting loads of behaviour texts home but be was absolutely fine with no issues at primary.

My kids school have a system where they put the same guidance teacher in charge of all kids in the same family and this teacher was always fine with my eldest.

I had asked to have a meeting with social subject faculty head about S1 son because my son had “failed” an end of term assessment (he never failed anything in primary so I don’t get what’s happened) so I had phoned school to see if guidance teacher could arrange a meeting with the teacher and me and her.

She instead just forwarded a very long winded response from the department telling me how they marked it and how he can do better next time . I replied saying I wasn’t happy with this, and she gave prelims as the reason why they didn’t want a meeting this week (Which sounded like nonsense to me).

she phoned me later that day, and basically said because it’s prelims now the department are busy and I might need to wait a few weeks for a meeting if i want all of us there together.

here’s where DP says I (might) BU.

I said I was going to come in today for the meeting and she said she couldn’t. I said that I felt that she just couldn’t be bothered with this meeting and she said this was not the case, but because she deals with all other kinds of things in her job like child protection and police and social work, these things just have to take priority sometimes and said again that also the department will need to mark prelims for seniors before anyone can meet.

I then said to her to be honest I don’t give a flying duck (I might have used the naughty words) what else you are doing, I just want to meet about MY son. At this point she ended the call saying she would see if she could arrange a call with someone next week.

she also suggested we just wait and see how he does on his next test, but I felt that was a cop out. We have met her in person once before for a meeting about his behaviour but it seems now she can’t be bothered meeting about getting his grades up??!!

AIBU for requesting a meeting for my son?

You lost me at referring to fights as minor.

This is the kind of thing causing teachers to leave the profession en masse.

This has to be a reverse surely? A child failing an in class test in first year secondary cannot be worth this level of aggression.

So just to be clear you told her you don’t give a flying fuck about her child protection responsibilities, displayed confrontational, challenging and hostile behaviour, acted entitled and demanding when requesting a meeting and make threats to turn up at the school. I really can’t imagine why she hung up, or why your son is struggling with his behaviour. It’s truly baffling. A real mystery.

Your son messes around at school or whatever - you are the parent deal with it ! parent him !!!
he is not doing so well with his school work - why is that a surprise - it's harder !

and as for swearing at a member of staff, I would have terminated the conversation and followed up in writing that it is unacceptable to speak to staff like that and if it happens again then the conversation will be terminated again.

Wow. You might win the award as one of the most unreasonable people I've seen on here.

Your son is acting up in school and you appear to be blaming school, maybe it's your son's fault for behaving badly?

Failing an assesment is absolutely no reason for you to go in all guns blazing swearing at teachers and demanding they drop everything to discuss such a non issue. Have a word with yourself.

You are so obviously in the wrong here that I can't believe this isn't a reverse.

Since starting in August s1 son has been in bother quite a bit, not doing well in classes and getting in trouble (minor stuff like fights and social media things). I’ve also been getting loads of behaviour texts home

I then said to her to be honest I don’t give a flying duck (I might have used the naughty words) what else you are doing, I just want to meet about MY son

The minimising of your son's behaviour is very telling, as is the weaselly "might have" to account for your own unacceptable language. You're beyond unreasonable.

if I was that teacher I would not be in the same room as you without another member of staff. I'm pretty sure a meeting cannot be refused, but you can't insist on when.

I thought you had asked for a meeting about your dc's behaviour. I can't believe you are making all this fuss over one failed test. A meeting is not going to give you any more information than was in the email.
The behaviour of lots of dcs slips when they get to secondary school because they get a bit cocky. You really should be more on top it and concerned than you seem to be. IME it's better to work with the school than quarrel with them. If your ds thinks you don't respect his teachers, it certainly won't help improve his behaviour as he won't respect them either. If you swore at the teacher, you need to apologise.

I then said to her to be honest I don’t give a flying duck (I might have used the naughty words) what else you are doing, I just want to meet about MY son

I wonder where he gets his attitude from 😂

Utterly unreasonable. Also fights are not a minor issue. People like you are the reason teachers are leaving the profession.

You are utterly unreasonable and should make a formal apology for your behaviour THEN deal with your son and his!

My guess is that OPs son is bullying people on social media but she thinks he's innocent

The amount of time they spent looking into the test, emailing you, talking on the phone was WAY too much. Have you considered that the reason they haven't got the time for you is because of other parents like you just wasting their time? What is it you want them to say about the test? That the teachers haven't taught him properly I suppose.

Exactly. If I were the teacher in question I wouldn't be at all keen to prioritise meeting with you. You just think you can be abusive and throw your weight around while minimising your son's behaviour. Also you have no right to insist on coming in for a meeting regardless of the teacher's commitments.

"Exactly. If I were the teacher in question I wouldn't be at all keen to prioritise meeting with you"

If I were the teacher I would refuse to ever attend a meeting with an abusive parent...

This has got to be a reverse. You verbally abused a teacher and you think it’s fine because you care about your child’s education? Yeah you and the parents of the other thousand children. Do you have any idea what it’s like in schools? From what I hear about from my DH who is a teacher, there is a major retention and recruitment crisis and the members of staff who’ve not yet burnt out and had to go off sick are stretched so thin. Your contact is guidance. And it sounds like the major problem is not social studies but his behaviour, which is a guidance issue. Deal with the guidance teacher and do it respectfully and realise that they’re not going to be able to jump whenever you demand a meeting.

Your kid is badly behaved, talks in class and is failing a subject. And you're swearing at his teacher because she hadn't got time to see you this week due to the other 100 or so kids she is teaching who aren't chatting in lessons and fighting. Apple clearly didn't fall far from the tree.

I'm suprised the school agreed to schedule a meeting with you at all given your abusive behaviour.

When I was a teacher, if a parent swore, or raised their voice, I put the phone down straight away and reported it to my line manager. They would then contact them to send them a copy of the school's policies on abusive behaviour.

And there we have it, the reason he didn’t do well in the testz. He chats in class. Along with that he won’t be paying attention and is disruptive. He will have missed the information being delivered and have no idea what’s going on.

Wake up. Parent your son. No kid should be chatting in class and disrupting the lesson for anyone else.

What gives you the right to verbally abuse others? Teachers aren't paid to put up with that.

Your parenting is failing and instead of reflecting on that, you start abusing those who are trying to help.

I am a teacher in Scotland. Firstly, the social subjects teachers are not actually contracted (for want of a better word) to meet with parents so it would be optional for the teacher if she wanted to be kind. Secondly, they will legitimately be swamped with prelim marking this week which will have a very tight turnaround and very little extra time is allocated to this. Reports for S5/6 will also be due and these have a finite deadline which the teacher will be working towards. Even a short meeting with you will take a whole period of the teacher's time and they will already be very very stretched this week. Thirdly, your son is in S1. Whilst you may feel he has never failed a test before and something has changed, the reality is that it is the assessment benchmarks that have changed as he is older and working at a harder level. The teacher has already kindly provided some feedback to you which you would do well to take on board and help your son go over his material in future. Fourthly, this assessment actually counts for very very little. It doesn't form a predicted grade etc. If he works hard in future and revises his material this 'failed' test will be forgotten before the summer. It is important to you because you care for your son. But the guidance teacher who has a better understanding and an overall picture knows that it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of your son's education. She has offered a solution. You should apologise and meet with her at a time suitable for her. Don't be the parent who drives a wedge between their child and school

You are awful.

That teacher should not meet with you.

Your kid is fighting and being awful on social media and you think it's insignificant!!

YOU and other parents like you are the reason that teaching is an unwanted profession and schools cannot recruit teachers no matter how much money is thrown at them.

I also can't believe you swore in an email to a teacher, a person you have never met, why should they take your abuse who do you think you are? Have some bloody respect for professionals.

You should apologise and be bollocking your kids and leave the damn school alone.

Your behaviour is beyond appalling! Have a word with yourself and apologise to the school, then sort out your son! 😱

Focus on what you can do. Limit gaming. Very controlled and monitored phone use. Positive hobbies. Homework every night.

not doing well in classes How much homework is he doing each evening? How much reading? When the teacher gave detailed feedback on the marking policy, what did it say he should be doing?

minor stuff like fights fights are not minor. Messing around or not the outcome is the same and the disruption is the same, and he should be in isolation each time.

minor stuff like … social media things
what does this mean? As often this isnt minor at all. Often is is distressing for someone. Often another child.

I’ve also been getting loads of behaviour texts home but be was absolutely fine with no issues at primary. so heading into puberty is having an effect. Year 8 in England is a big change point re: behaviour.

my son had “failed” an end of term assessment … so I had phoned school to see if guidance teacher could arrange a meeting with the teacher and me and her. She instead just forwarded a very long winded response from the department telling me how they marked it and how he can do better next time
so she gave you detailed feedback on where he went wrong and how he can improve. Which is what you wanted.

I said I was going to come in today for the meeting and she said she couldn’t
you simply cannot walk into a school like that. People are busy. Children are there.

I then said to her to be honest I don’t give a flying duck (I might have used the naughty words) what else you are doing, I just want to meet about MY son
who is fighting, causing trouble on social media, frequently behaving poorly, and now youve shown the school that is it because you are soft at home.