AIBU for asking guidance teacher for a meeting about my son?

[Sausageandchip]

DP thinks I’ve been an bit unreasonable but I am raging about this. Advice on what to do next also appreciated.

I have 2 sons in high school (Scotland) S6 & S1.

Since starting in August s1 son has been in bother quite a bit, not doing well in classes and getting in trouble (minor stuff like fights and social media things). I’ve also been getting loads of behaviour texts home but be was absolutely fine with no issues at primary.

My kids school have a system where they put the same guidance teacher in charge of all kids in the same family and this teacher was always fine with my eldest.

I had asked to have a meeting with social subject faculty head about S1 son because my son had “failed” an end of term assessment (he never failed anything in primary so I don’t get what’s happened) so I had phoned school to see if guidance teacher could arrange a meeting with the teacher and me and her.

She instead just forwarded a very long winded response from the department telling me how they marked it and how he can do better next time . I replied saying I wasn’t happy with this, and she gave prelims as the reason why they didn’t want a meeting this week (Which sounded like nonsense to me).

she phoned me later that day, and basically said because it’s prelims now the department are busy and I might need to wait a few weeks for a meeting if i want all of us there together.

here’s where DP says I (might) BU.

I said I was going to come in today for the meeting and she said she couldn’t. I said that I felt that she just couldn’t be bothered with this meeting and she said this was not the case, but because she deals with all other kinds of things in her job like child protection and police and social work, these things just have to take priority sometimes and said again that also the department will need to mark prelims for seniors before anyone can meet.

I then said to her to be honest I don’t give a flying duck (I might have used the naughty words) what else you are doing, I just want to meet about MY son. At this point she ended the call saying she would see if she could arrange a call with someone next week.

she also suggested we just wait and see how he does on his next test, but I felt that was a cop out. We have met her in person once before for a meeting about his behaviour but it seems now she can’t be bothered meeting about getting his grades up??!!

AIBU for requesting a meeting for my son?

Appointments are generally necessary when you want to meet someone. Any decent person realises that they aren't the centre of the universe and has to wait their turn. I'm honestly appalled at your conduct op.

They sent you an email with how he can do better next time. Wtf more do you want? He failed, fine. Have you changed anything since then? Less time fannying around and more studying? Spoken to him about these “minor” incidents? Removed any privileges because of the behaviour texts?

Those poor teachers having to deal with you are not the parent here. You are. Stop comparing secondary school to primary school too; you know it’s completely different.

Students, yes. Though obviously she can't be constantly available for all stunts at all times.

Parents, no. In particular, she has quite possibly been advised not to answer your phone calls because her manager has a duty to protect her from abusive parents. At my school, parents who verbally abuse staff get a written warning, and only have meetings when a senior member of staff is present.

If she deals with safeguarding, she may have had a day of case conferences and CP meetings. All of which are about the safety of a child, and not their results on a single test.

OP your attitude is terrible. You expect them to be at your beck and call and have no other priorities.

I’m appalled your oldest had to make an appointment for UCAS stuff. How terrible. Is everyone ok after that experience? How do you cope at parents night with all those scheduled appointments? Or the GP? Must be awful when they should just be there when you want them. 😢

People who care about their child’s education don’t consider fighting at school a minor behaviour issue.

Dear god op stop writing! You sound more and more ridiculous.

How many children are there in this school that might want to speak to the guidance counsellor, and what do you think would happen if they all just went to her when they wanted rather than wait for an appointment?

I thought the Op hadn't posted for a while because so many people had told her she was being ridiculous but apparently not.

She may well have been teaching or in meetings all day. It's just as likely, as others have said, that the office staff have been instructed not to put your calls through, due to your aggressive and abusive behaviour.

I wouldn't expect to be able to meet with her again without a senior member of staff being present, which will involve scheduling around two staff members' commitments.

And all of that is down to you, your inability to conduct yourself appropriately, and your failure to parent your son and ensure that he behaves properly in school.

They said she was “teaching or in a meeting all day”, (which I don’t believe)

You’re very suspicious of this school- why? You don’t believe your son is misbehaving (although he has told you he does). You don’t believe this teacher has a full day of teaching and meetings (although you know she is responsible for safeguarding, pastoral care, subject guidance and is also a teacher as well). You don’t think it reasonable that teachers marking upwards of 100 exam papers in a week are too busy to meet parents about a first-year test. Why do you continually refuse to believe that the staff at this school are doing what you’re told they’re doing, which are well-known parts of their job?

Exactly ad @AlertCat has put. Newsflash shocker... teacher spent day teaching...

Wow you are so ridiculously entitled it beggars belief. Do you believe the world should evolve around you in all aspects of your life?

You have no concept of teaching. No idea how full on and busy a school is. Of course are there for the students, that's the whole point!! But of COURSE the person you keep trying to contact is teaching or in meetings all day... that's the job?! You've been given options on when to book a meeting, so do this. Your child sounds like he is deflecting his poor behaviour on being 'picked on' by the teachers .. they don't have time to do that, no benefit to them doing that, just creates more hassle that they haven't got time for. Start looking closer to home for the problem. Parents who don't support the school are the biggest issue for their child and their child's progress. Yes of course marking mocks takes a ridiculous amount of time! I would love for you to spend a week shadowing a staff member in a school, your small mind would be blown!!

This! No wonder teachers are leaving in droves. Awful entitled behaviour op. Sorry.

Yet another example of the appalling behaviour of parents and why teachers are leaving. Why should any member of staff put up with getting sworn at by entitled parents who think it is their right to dictate how and when someone should be meeting when they have a school to run?
Why should anyone meet with you? You’ve proven you are aggressive and unreasonable. I certainly wouldn’t be meeting with you alone and I would be seeking advice from the legal team before I went anywhere near having a meeting with you.
Yes OP you are definitely being unreasonable, but from your responses you are so entirely lacking in self awareness that you will continue to live in the reality that suits your narrative.
edited for typo

Your son has problems with his behaviour and is performing badly at school. He failed the test because his work was not good enough. Thats all. None of this is the schools fault. You sound entitled and rude.

You “don’t believe” that the teacher is booked out all day? Why? Do you think we are sitting around waiting for calls?

I’m the safeguarding and pastoral lead for my school and my week next week is booked up completely. I can squeeze in phone calls for urgent parental issues by using breaktimes or praying something else gets cancelled. Often, if it’s really urgent I speak to a parent, I’ll do it after everything else is done at 5.30/6. I’m not prepared to do this about a test result. That’s what parents’ eve is for

Unless during my two hours a week of PPA time there was never a point where I could drop everything and have a meeting with a parent who just turned up and wanted one. I was TEACHING for goodness sake! I had a full timetable, and meetings had to be planned well in advance in order to plan for my lessons to be covered. And yes at least two days a week i had staff meetings, so teaching or being in a meeting all day was the norm.

It's astonishing that you seem to think that teachers are just sitting twiddling their thumbs and until a parent turns up.

And yes, if you swore at me in a call, the call would end and you wouldn't be allowed to speak to me again without a member of the SLT present..

They said she was “teaching or in a meeting all day”, (which I don’t believe) so I’ve sent another email requesting a meeting so will update.

What is it that you think teachers do all day, OP?! Sit around in the staffroom waiting to be sworn at by unreasonable, clueless parents? Why on earth wouldn't the teacher be teaching and in mertings all day?

Reading this open-mouthed...

So @Sausageandchip you thought the teacher was “fobbing you off” when they said they were marking exams? You don’t believe teachers are teaching all day? When I was a classroom teacher I had two and a half periods a week when I wasn’t teaching, with my form or doing supervisory duty, during which time I was supposed to do all my marking and lesson prep. And they were sometimes taken off me so I could cover for a sick colleague.

To sum up:

• Your son talks in class and disrupts the lesson
• He fights with another student
• He misbehaves in some unspecified way on social media
• He did poorly in a test

You seem to think that because he never failed a test in primary and never misbehaved in primary, this means he would not misbehave in secondary nor do badly in a test, but of course if you stop to think you will see that it is not that simple.

The teacher has sent details of how the test was marked and what he can do to improve. They have spoken to you on the phone and explained why it is difficult to arrange a meeting between you and two other teachers to discuss the test result further – because staff are marking mock exams for older students, dealing with serious safeguarding and other pastoral issues, and teaching.

They have offered the meeting but it may not be for a couple of weeks. To you this is unacceptable as you seem to think (correct me if I am wrong) that school staff are not really marking exams or teaching but should be there to speak to you when you demand it. You minimise your son’s poor behaviour, you swear at the teacher, you say you are going to come into the school regardless.

And you wonder if all of this is unreasonable. Yes. Yes it is. It is very unreasonable. You need to address your son’s poor behaviour with him, go through the test and see where he could improve next time, and email the school apologising for swearing. When a student swore at me, they were not welcome in my next lesson, So if a parent swore at me on the phone I would not be in any hurry to meet them.

My son behaves just like any other s1 does. A bit of bother but nothing major.
we have done through the feedback together, and I have already helped him with his next essay so hopefully he will do better.

I do have other reasons for feeling she’s a bit lazy and prone to fobbing people off - a few weeks ago at the local park, my son and his friends got into some bother with some other boys from the school (the same ones that the social media stuff was about. There had been back and forth on both sides)

I told my boy to go and tell her about it on Monday morning and I emailed her too.
her response? (Copied and pasted below)

“we will keep an eye on this in school and keep them apart wherever possible however as it’s outside school and on a weekend, our advice would be to call the police if you feel (sons name) was threatened.”

like … seriously? Like the police don’t have better things to do?

It’s exactly the right advice.

Why is it a schools job to police and sort out issues outside school - either on SM or in ‘real life’?

Jesus, you need to learn some self awareness.

This.

Why do you expect a teacher to sort out all the behavioural issues with your son both inside and outside the school @Sausageandchip Next you will be asking them to do all the parenting

This as well. Why is it the teachers job to be sorting issues outside of school? What exactly are you doing about issues like the social media and fighting? You seem quick to be blaming everyone else and thinking its all everyone else's fault yet very little evidence of you as a the parent doing anything about it.